lessening my reactivity

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I wanted to ask folks here how you've looked at and began to deal with your own reactivity. Perhaps this is somewhat still a flea from the r/s, but in a way I don't care about where it comes from (originally my childhood), I want to do better now. Any thoughts?

[exbpdgf]

I wanted to ask folks here how you've looked at and began to deal with your own reactivity. Perhaps this is somewhat still a flea from the r/s, but in a way I don't care about where it comes from (originally my childhood), I want to do better now. Any thoughts?

[OTH]

I am so much less reactive now. I learned a lot by studying some of the staying board material. Validation is wonderful for improving communication to people. Don't know if you ever looked at that side of it or not. I'm sure you can find some non BPD related books on the same subject. I associate my ex with BPD so reading books like Shari Manning's could bring up some bad memories. It did for me but the material in it is great. We all can learn to communicate better. It can only improve our lives.

[seeking balance]

I wanted to ask folks here how you've looked at and began to deal with your own reactivity. Perhaps this is somewhat still a flea from the r/s, but in a way I don't care about where it comes from (originally my childhood), I want to do better now. Any thoughts?

I agree with OTH, staying tools for communication are amazing.

Also, dbt therapy concepts are fantastic... .  like emotional kindergarten.  I use them in stressful situations so I don't impulsively react.

Finally, my own mindfulness practice works wonders too.

[maria1]

Hi there

I've always been very impulsive.

I find just stopping before I react was/ is a huge change. It's not always about validation for me, although i agree the tools mentioned work in many situations. For me, impulsively reacting in any conversation or situation has been who i am forever. I can solve problems quickly and find my way through a situation very quickly, quicker than others and so I've always thought of my quick reactions as positive. And in emergency situations they are, but life isn't an emergency situation! I've just stopped myself reacting and paused and its had a huge effect on my life. I started by doing nothing immediately whenever I could.

It takes me practice and I keep reminding myself but its getting easier and my life seems to have become calmer and less stressful in general. If I can take more time before reacting quite often I find no reaction is needed. Or I can spend time identifying the emotions that i'm feeling before I choose the best way to react. Which is what I think of as practicing mindfulness.