Hanging in there

[Depression = 72% of members]

Just feel the need to write. Things have not been too bad with uDIL, although we have not seen or spoken each other for at least two years ( her choice not ours )

Our son is getting a bit stronger and came down to see us just after Xmas and told his wife that he would go with or without her. It just happened to be without her. Had a nice time with son, unfortunately he did not bring the children with him so we missed out on that. uDIL always has an excuse to prevent that from happening. Very hard to take at times.

My real reason for writing is that our other son's relationship is not going too well, his partner suffers from Bipolar Disorder, combined with anorexia.

Has anyone any experience with that disorder? Is it similar to BPD.

[Krudula]

Just feel the need to write. Things have not been too bad with uDIL, although we have not seen or spoken each other for at least two years ( her choice not ours )

Our son is getting a bit stronger and came down to see us just after Xmas and told his wife that he would go with or without her. It just happened to be without her. Had a nice time with son, unfortunately he did not bring the children with him so we missed out on that. uDIL always has an excuse to prevent that from happening. Very hard to take at times.

My real reason for writing is that our other son's relationship is not going too well, his partner suffers from Bipolar Disorder, combined with anorexia.

Has anyone any experience with that disorder? Is it similar to BPD.

[Up In the Air]

Hi there 

How difficult it must have been not to see the grandkiddos. I'm so glad you got some time with your son though.

My MIL is uBPD and her bipolar side swings muiltiple times daily... .  very hard. Have you or your son sought out a therapist yet? That would be my first suggestion. A qualified professional, preferably with experience in bipolar disorders would be able to help you and your son understand the different facets of the illness and how to both communicate assertively (even if you're not currently speaking with her) and ground yourself.

One of the first books I read when in therapy was Stop Walking on Eggshells by Mason and Kreger. It's specifically for BPD, but it was immensely helpful in learning how I could better communicate with my MIL and understand what she deals with emotionally each day. I'm sure a therapist could recommend any number of books to read as you look for ways to help each other as a family.

What does your son think of all this and how long have they been married?

[Krudula]

Yes I found that book very helpful to understand the BPDil.

Now I'm trying to come to grips with bipolar/anorexia. Phew... .  

They are not married but have a beautiful boy who has turned 1 recently.

DIL is in a mental unit at the mo, due to suicidal thoughts, her anorexia and manic cycle. Enough to worry about, plus the fact that I look after the little one and son is coming over often too. We are having good talks with him though. He finds it really hard to continue with the relationship, so goodness knows what the future will hold. My husband and I are trying to provide some stability esp.in regards to the baby.

[Up In the Air]

Wow, your position is really hard. It's so wonderful that you're providing a solid place for your son and his lil babe to come to when needed. That is such a blessing for them!

Does the mental unit provide after care and follow up therapy for your DIL? Has she been on bipolar medication before?

I'm sorry I don't have much experience (besides the BPD part) to offer, but I'm here for you!  

[Krudula]

 . Thanx Up-in- the-air for your encouraging words. I think I needed that 

She has been on medication for quite some time, but when she 'cycles' forgets to take them, then she doesn't eat, skips her therapy appointments and in a downward spiral she goes. I think she is freaking out at the moment, because my son has told her that he wants out if she doesn't take responsibility for her medical conditions. Hence she checked into the mental unit, now 3-4 days later is saying that she can tackle the world!

What worries most is that baby is very avoidant towards her, but doesn't display any of it towards his dad or to us. Young as he is, he's quite perceptive that she's not there for him.

Hence we are doing all we can to give him the emotional nurture and support he needs so much.

I'm encouraging our son to seek support for himself as well, coz it is not easy to make such big decisions.

Well little one is waking up so I had better go. Will post again coz it is like a release valve.

[Up In the Air]

You are quite the supportive parent and grandparent! Keep at it, it's not easy things have a way of working themselves out.

Isn't this forum great? I've just joined myself and it is a wonderful place to release the stress... .  not to mention it's nice not to feel so alone with all the family problems.

I'll be praying for you all!

[Krudula]

  thanks up in the air, that is much appreciated, we'll do the same.

Today is probably a pivotal stage, son has appt with the treatment team, so we'll have to wait and see where that is leading. I have asked him to at least get a diagnosis so he knows where to turn for help and support. I hope he will do his own postings here, because the situation is leaving its mark on him as well. We are so grateful that at least he has such a good relationship with the baby, you can see the love they have for each other and enjoy being together.

My own feelings are up and down a bit. At times I feel so angry, at her, at the disorder with her behaviour, esp. the me, me, me bit. Other times I feel sad and pity her. Just as well that I get so much enjoyment out of spending time with the grandson, that centres me again.

Thanks to all of you who read the postings, together we can perhaps make sense out of difficult situations and move forward. Love to you all.

[Krudula]

Son has made the decision and ended the relationship. Feels relief as well as feeling very mixed up. Psychiatrist has confirmed the diagnosis as being BPD with bipolar in the mix, plus an eating disorder, it was too much for him to handle. Very hard time for both of them to come to terms with. I will keep on suggesting to him to post on the appropriate boards. Lots to think about and to deal with. Still hanging in there... .