See What happens when attention is finally off dd & on the new puppy

[Speedracer]

My middle child is suffering depression & being bullied in school. After years of the focus being on dd16's every crazy constant crisis and all our $$ spent on dd's treatment, I made a therapy appointment for our middle child. The therapist said first to get a puppy, then gave a list of other suggestions for her sensory overload and significant depression. We went to the shelter & found the cutest puppy! We posted a picture of him on Facebook. He is all hers - her very own dog. She will care for him and he will answer to her.

When dd found out about the puppy she is acting very down and angry. She posted on facebook how jealous she is that her sister gets a puppy and how unfairly she is treated from her sister by her parents. dd has drained so much from our family for so many years, I am amazed she can selfishly feel this way! I removed her post. Her little brother is very excited about the puppy & wants to help.

The point of my post is that I am actually quite amazed and relieved. It is so relieving to have the focus off dd & on the puppy! It is so relieving to see the middle child have some happiness for the first time in a long time! I am so amazed how I am noticing only now for so many years how dd has hijacked all of our energy & focus from our family solely onto her!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Awareness is half the battle speedracer.

Those "old ways" can quickly creep back in if we don't have a plan and the mindfullness to carry out the plan.

Even if it is only to sit on the stoop and chat with your youngest about the ugly bird in the bushes or spend time with your middle child showing her how to groom her puppy these are all important events in their daily lives.

And while you are at it... .  take time for self and your dh.


 

[mary290]

Aww, puppies are awesome!  They bring so much joy and can be therapeutic too.  Good for you all and I hope your new little addition blesses you many times over!

I too have been focusing on my non BPD children.  (D16 and s18).  Laughter is starting to return to our house.  We are all more relaxed and mom does not walk around like a zombie half the time anymore.  I still miss my dd22 soo much but I just have come to the realization that she has to come back into our lives on her timetable and not mine.  Meanwhile, we are starting to enjoy the separation instead of mourn it.

Baby steps... .  baby steps. 

[momontherun]

Congrats speedracer! I sense the relief in your words and I am so happy to hear you have a positive distraction for you and your other children... .  freeing isn't it? I know for me it is. New puppies are so awesomely cute, a wonderful teaching tool and full of unconditional love. What kind is it?

[Speedracer]

Glad for the feedback & for the joy this story brings. He's a 2 month old terrier mix, won't get over 24 lb. we already have a 9 yr old lab mix. So far so good. I did step back & empathize with dd last night. But I saw joy in dd this morning watching her little sister scramble to take care of her new baby!

[vivekananda]

good news speedracer   unconditional love is a wonderful thing,

Vivek    

[griz]

Speedracer:

I think this is so wonderful.  We got a puppy two years ago and although I do most of the work he has been very therapeutic for our whole family.  We actually had adopted him for DD (her T thought it would be good).  He brings so much joy into our house.  Our dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback/hound mix and is 75lbs.  Not what the adoption center told us (they said about 25lbs) but I wouldn't change one once of him.

I am so glad that your family is enjoying your new pup and maybe this will be good for your daughter too. 

Griz