refusing to use safety plan, discharge looming

[trainwreck4]

My BPDd15 is about to be discharged and she informed me that she has no intention of using her safety plan and she landed in the hospital for a suicide attempt. I asked why and she smirked at me. I honestly don't know that I am willing to take her home if she is not taking safety seriously... .    It's not pretty, but it is how I feel.  Any suggestions?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Reality]

Are the professionals aware of your daughter's trivializing of the importance of safety?  Your daughter is not thinking clearly. 

Your feelings make total sense.

Reality

[trainwreck4]

They are as yet unaware of her cavalier attitude towards safety. Discharge planning meeting tomorrow, so this will be brought up!  Very nervous... .  

[vivekananda]

Hi trainwreck,

I was hoping that things would have sorted out and your dd is safe. How has it spanned out for you? are you still worried? nervous? I hope all is ok.

Cheers,

Vivek    

[Reality]

trainwreck4,

Hope you are doing well and that your daughter is making good choices for herself.  Let us know when you have a minute.

Reality

[trainwreck4]

BPDd15 is home and she seems to be ok for now. I am very nervous, but all I can do is hope. Thank you for keeping tabs on us!

[vivekananda]

stay in touch with us trainwreck, we are here for you.

In the meantime read up, think and ask us questions. There is a wealth of information here, we can guide you through this.


Vivek        

[trainwreck4]

The stuff will hit the fan on Wednesday. The school has indicated that she is not welcome until they have a meeting with her regarding the new boundaries THEY have put in place. I support them fully. She ingested pills for the third time on their property. She will now have her bag searched every morning. She will have her locker searched every time they feel it is necessary. She will no longer be allowed to leave class because she feels "upset". This happened on a regular basis in the past. If she leaves, the police may be called. In two weeks she turns 16.  She has adults helping her seek legal advice. I imagine she will fly the coop on that day. The people "helping" her feel she is perfectly sane, we are the problem. I am in a state of suspence waiting to see how it all unfolds. She seems to also be waiting for the shoe to drop... .  

[vivekananda]

In two weeks... .  gee that's tough. That stuff still has the ability to upset me keenly - when well meaning do gooders interfere when they are out of their depth.

That's when we practice 'radical acceptance' eh?

give me the grace to accept what I can't change, the strength to change what I can, the wisdom to know the difference between the two ... .  and something else which I forget for the moment, sorry. Just looked it up... .  and the capacity to live with integrity, by my values.

Sounds to me like you are on track. We are with you,

Vivek    

[momontherun]

There is a lot going on and even more stuff coming up... .  so overwhelming. You are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.

Maybe time for a short distraction you enjoy? Something like getting your hair done (a color change maybe?), bake a loaf of bread or cookies ... .  whatever you can do for you to give yourself a break and regroup. After you regroup and can breath a bit maybe a light conversation with dd to help you both reconnect and reinforce to her your there no matter what/how she feels instead of being on edge watching each other for a reaction like ... .  what does she want to do for her birthday, who all invite, what presents is she hoping for, maybe go out for a mother/daughter birthday date, perhaps a fresh coat of paint in her room for a present, what she wants to do for valentines day, school dance coming up, a camping trip this summer etc.? Keep it positive, follow her cues, keep it very short if necessary.

You are in my thoughts and prayers   

[sunshineplease]

I'm sad, trainwreck, to hear that there are well-meaning folks who may be confusing the issue by trying to help your daughter circumvent appropriate boundaries. At the same time, it seems that you (and the school) have clarity and are doing all the things you can do to keep your daughter safe. I know from experience that sometimes it takes "further unfolding" for the illness to show itself to everyone, and that's when it's been hardest for me to stay strong and not get caught up in everyone else's hopes and beliefs. Hang tight. You know your daughter best.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[trainwreck4]

Thank you all for listening to me. Short of putting out daily fires, I feel that I have a contingency plan for my contingency plan . I am planning to buy her a good warm coat for her birthday, as I would hate to see her out there freezing as well as being homeless (should my worst fears come into play :'().  It really is a case for reciting the serenity prayer, isn't it?  I am so relieved to have my BPD family here to bounce ideas off of and to rant to. The people of this world that are blissfully ignorant to this disorder look at me like I am a lunatic... .  

[jellibeans]

I just wanted to send a hug your way... .  my day has been a hard one but I feel I need to reach out to all on this board that I can and try to give hope. Never give up believing you are a good mom... .  you have done all that you can and you deserve better... .  

[momontherun]

 

[trainwreck4]

Just having support from people who really do "get it" gives me chills!  Thank you for your kind words and hugs. I find I carry on for weeks sometimes with no blips and all of a sudden I am on my keyster with no idea of what happened to cause this. At least you guys understand where I am coming from!