guarded optimism

[lovesjazz]

Just received a photo by phone from our son who is in new mexico.it was a newspaper clipping of him receiving donations from 10 year old for the mission. The caption lists him as assistant manager. We are so proud of him. But we are guarded because whenever he reaches this point in his life, he goes downhill. I hope this time is different.

Has anyone seen their lovedone do so well, then it seems they can stay there anddrop? I wonder if they feel they dont deserve it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Survive2012]

Dear Lovesjazz,

I think this is great! I really hope it is going to last forever!

We have a younger son than you (15) and many times, just as we were starting to relax, he had another crisis and everything that had been achieved got lost. But maybe, your son being an adult, he might stabilize like this! I would give him mild compliments, not exaggerating, not to put too much pressure on him, and, for yourself savour this moment of joy and happyness!

 

Survive

[lovesjazz]

Thank you survive... .  if we give too many compliments, he doesnt like it... .  ? So I just sent a message... .  "you rock son"... .  hope he can handle it.

[cfh]

Perfect response! My ds29 would appreciate it... .  not too much not too little.

[momontherun]

Awesome! What a wonderful moment! Yes, it is hard to be optimistic especially when they have shown time and again what they do when they reach this point as if they are afraid of accomplishment which then (I think) their anxieties take hold that they are not good enough, undeserving as they don't reach that happy/contented/accomplished place in their minds... .  So self destruction occurs as they beat themselves up reinforcing the emptiness, the chronic negativity since they cannot visualize it themselves coming to believe once again they are worthless, people will see their success and leave them etc. Then they go to that deep dark place for awhile until they can find something else to try again to make them happy thus restarting the cycle.

While they are in that void we beat ourselves up for believing, for hoping this time will be different and sometimes we go in that dark place ourselves so we put our defenses up to protect ourselves waiting for them to show once again what we know is to come... .  what they have proven is coming time and again.

Does this help? Not exactly however we can be aware of it and do self care in these times to strengthen ourselves, take pride in these moments cherishing the knowledge they are still trying and hopefully keep ourselves from going in that darkness so when they do we can be strong enough to handle it.

[lovesjazz]

Yes, we have been at this point before. I pray with some maturity it will last a little longer each time.

[momontherun]

I am sorry - I didn't mean to sound so invalidating in my last post (something I need to work on) ... .  this is something to celebrate in the moment not reminders of the chaos. I will pray with you   

[lovesjazz]

I was not offended by your reply.  I always delt with reality rather than denial. The one interesting comment someone made is... .  he keeps trying... .  even all the times hes been in the throws of disaster... .  he comes back trying. A reality to hold on to.