On Top Of The World And Now Homeless In A Subaru...

[radioguitarguy]

  I really, really thought that this might be his(DS 28) "new" start since being asked to leave after Thanksgiving. He seemed to be using the skills he learned during the 7 months of his DBT intensive outpatient program, or so he says... .  back playing music again at open mike nights after 18 months of severe anxiety... .  living with one of his best friends and looking for a part time job(so he says)... .  telling everyone "he's back"... .  thanks to everyone who believed in him... .  telling everyone how amazing he feels on FB... .  "I couldn't do it without the support of special friends!"

I get a text at 10:30am this morning... .  "Hi... I know I'm not supposed to ask for money but do you have ten dollars? I'm going to just be wandering around today. Probably spending most of my time parked so I don't waste gas, but yep, I'm homeless again. And the ten dollars would be for something hot to drink... .  idk, I just feel like it couldn't hurt to have ten bucks while I'm hangin' out on the f&*$ing streets."

The second text said, "I'm sorry if I sounded aggressive towards you. I'm crying... .  I don't wanna do this again."

We hadn't heard from him in two days, which usually means something is wrong. I'm doing my very best to NOT step in and try to fix it, so I just gave him a couple of suggestions and "yes" I did give him the ten bucks.

I had read on Facebook that he had verbally ripped into a "close friend" about being fake and dishonest, etc.There was a loud yelling argument and he was kicked out of where he was living. By the way, we have just had 5 holes repaired in his old room.

I did not ask him about what happened nor did I offer any advice or possible solutions to this latest dilemma. This kind of thing has happened so often since he was 16, don't you think at the age of 28 the lesson might have been learned by now? I'm not texting him, I'm not calling him, but I am thinking of him and it makes me so very sad.

RG

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cfh]

RG

I don't know what to say except that I've walked in your shoes.  Why don't they learn... .  it's still a mystery to me no matter how much I learn about BPD.

Keep posting. At times like this it's maybe the only way for you to get through the day.

[Reality]

These wild men need structure, real community, wise mentors, physical work and exercise and real love... .  

Oh dear!

Reality

[peaceplease]

radioguitarguy,

I know that you would think they would learn!  But, they keep repeating and repeating.  And, it is so sad... .  

And, I agreed to giving my ds $10 tonight, too.  He says that his car is a gas guzzler.   I understand that, but he already got $16 off my dh, last week.  He borrows money, pays it back, and borrows it back two days later.  Like a cash advance set up, but without the intersest.  But, with me, he feels it is an unwritten law that you are never to collect from a child that "borrows" the money.   Usually, the amounts are small.  But, he is 31, now.  He will have to find a place to live by May, or sooner, if his grandma passes away.  He was living with her, but she has terminal cancer.

And, that FB, it seems there are always complaints of people being fake or complaints of other loving drama on my dd's page.  It is almost as most of her FB friends have BPD as well.  

[qcarolr]

RAdioguitarguy - it just keeps cycling up and down up and down. Until the science to retrain the brain catches up with those that need to training, coping in our pain and letting our BPDkids cope best they can in their pain - doesn't feel very good.

It is good that he can contact you and express what he is feeling. My thoughts - this is using his DBT skills. And you listening and giving the $10 - and holding back judgements and advice - this supports his use of these coping skills. I have a monthly budget, in my mind, that allows me to give DD26 small amounts of cash guilt-free.

For me it is important to remember that DBT and other coping skills therapies are there to manage their illness - not cure it. Keep hoping for that cure - the science is evolving. Just so darn slow!

Hang in there - you are doing good things for your son.

qcr  

[jellibeans]

radioguitarguy

I feel your pain... .  isn't this the way for BPD? Always starting new... .  starting over... .  your dd must have been on top of the world thinking he had got this right this time and now back down. That roller coaster ride drains everyone involved. I would have give him the $10 too... .  I don't think there was anything wrong with that.

Has he been in therapy? Is he getting help of any kind? I think you are doing your best to support but keeping boundaries. He is at a low point now and will have to work through it some how. It is not your job to make it all better but I know how hard that is to not jump in and fix it. Please keep us posted... .  keep strong and have faith in your son. I hope he figures it out... .  

[radioguitarguy]

Again, thank you all for writing back because "yes" cfh, there are days when reading your words of support are the only thing that gets me through that specific day. Yes, "jellibeans" I think he's in therapy but he doesn't talk about it anymore so I wonder. Thanks, "qcarolr", I need that reminder that there is no cure yet for BPD. I find it hard to believe that a medication hasn't been developed

that affects that area of the brain. I'm not saying drugs are the sole answer but it sure would be a valuable tool!

Today we found out that he has found a place to stay for awhile which is comforting to both him and us. He's still looking for work and my finger's are crossed. I continue to have hope that he can hang in there. Thanks again my BPD friends!

RG