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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Do ex's with BPD really think we deserve better or is it a copout  (Read 1018 times)
FindingMe2011
a.k.a. *BeenThereB4*
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1227



« Reply #30 on: February 06, 2013, 10:22:18 AM »

Finding me - you always have so many good comments.  I too can't tell you how often my spouse would disappear to the bedroom - throughout the years she would see a theropist for 1-2 months then quit (thinking she had conquered her demons from her past) - looking back I know we just put a bandaid on to stop the external bleeding - but she never stopped the internal bleeding - so when the bandaid fell off or wore out she had to get another quick patch - over and over probably 5 times in 19 years.

 Individual, extensive therapy for the both of us, would have been the only real chance, we would, have had. Even then, I can see now, the chances of this working was slim to none. With the 2 bad experiences I had with marriage counseling, I was gun shy of therapists (although I now see, how the first one was really trying hard to show me, whom she was) and going to figure this out between the both of us. I eventually stumbled upon, the 2 words that started this journey for me. Abandonment and Intimacy. I knew this was it, and brought this to the ex. We started to converse, on the deepest level, we ever had. One day soon following, I woke up one morning, with her on the far corner of our bed, obviously scared, with that expression (the removal of the masks) and telling me how I have changed. Within a few days of this, the temporary psychosis surfaced,( i witnessed this 4-5 times, in the r/s) and I was the trigger... .  

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cal644
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 416


« Reply #31 on: February 06, 2013, 10:30:51 AM »

that is 1 of the toughest things for me.  realizing that I am the trigger . I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  and I think that's what scares for the most is getting close to me 
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