Lunch conversation

[coworkerfriend]

It has been quite a rollercoaster week.  After a quick slip into dysregulation and depression early this week, I had an  conversation with my pwBPD yesterday.  He came in and seem tired and resigned.  We went over some small business and then I went back to my office.  He kept asking me questions about things and it seemed to me that he was trying to gauge my mood. 

He wanted to have lunch together - he told me that he thinks I am figuring him out. He said when he rants and rages and says the horrible things about me, that he is really mad at himself.  He said that he can't stand himself and turns it on me.  He said that the fact that I don't leave him must mean that I understand that he isn't mad at me. He has been in therapy for the last 6 years and told me that he never imagined that anyone would ever be able to understand him.  My thoughts were all over the place and I really wanted to say so many things.   I told him that I was glad he said that out loud and I needed to hear him say that.  Then, I got up and went back to work.

I wanted to ask him so many questions about how he can say the horrible things to me.  I sat for a while and read some of the lessons from the board.  Each and every day since I found this site, I have gained understanding and support.  I truly believe that my understanding of BPD and more importantly, my understanding of how much I contributed to the escalation of his dysregulation in  the past has helped us to get where we were yesterday.  6 months ago, I could not imagine ever communicating with him the way we are communicating now. 

I still feel overwhelmed at times at the thought of the triggers and stressors we face.  I still wish he wouldn't say the horrible things he says but I and working on detaching myself. I wish he wouldn't say he is going to leave me.   I want to find my confident, positive self.  Radical acceptance is always on my mind. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[yeeter]

Thank you for posting your update friend!  And appreciate the improvement, due to the work YOU have done.

We like to hear when things ar going in a positive direction.  And sure there is lots of work ahead, but take a moment to celebrate successes and improvement like this.  

Patience. It takes a while to get your own sense of self back, but keep taking care of yourself and you will get there.  In fact, a better, stronger you will emerge at the other side.  

[briefcase]

 

This is really great! Thanks for sharing this with us.