radical acceptance

[tigerlily66]

The concept of radical acceptance is pretty new to me. I've been doing alot of reading about it on the boards here... .  and it does seem to help me. I am moving back in with my BPh soon after a year of separation. We've both had separate and joint counseling. He's been doing well, but had an "episode" last week when he was really tired, a "mini-rage". I think radical acceptance helps me handle it better, it stops me from feeding into his delusions and projections, to realize his feelings of inadequacy and fear of abandonment. I am able to step back and look at the whole picture more clearly. I don't feel like I need to justify or defend myself in that moment, because I know he will feel sorry for his outbreak later and we will talk. I just listen more now, try to validate (just starting that technique- any pointers?) This will all be so valuable to me when I am living day to day with him again.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Also look into ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) guides and books, this is another slant on the whole acceptance field. Google it

An example of this would be the old nursey rhyme about the old woman who swallowed a fly, then a spider to catch the fly etc until she swallowed a horse that killed her. The moral is that often the consequences of trying to fix things is worse than just accepting it "happens' live with it.

Anxiety about anxiety leads to panic attacks ... etc Better to just accept at times anxiety is normal human behavior.

I find a degree of acceptance, both permanent and of things that can be put on hold for now will get rid of a lot of the clutter of issues, so that you can set clearer boundaries and plans to deal with the more important issues. Otherwise the wish list of things you would like to change is far too long and overwhelming