Controlled Internet Image

[Weird Fishes]

Here's another thing on my mind:

I like social media. 

I like making a controlled version of myself on FB (or wherever).  I do not believe it is a "false" version of myself, but it is controlled, and I like having a controlled identity.

Is that inherently unhealthy?

[GustheDog]

Everyone does this.

It's a question of degree, I'd guess, but you're probably fine.

You control what's on your resume, no?  I don't see much difference here (and if you're talking LinkedIn, I see none).

[Whatwasthat]

I don't know.

But one thing's for sure - it's very 'normal' these days. Isn't it one of the reasons why social media is so very popular? Don't most people like to show a 'controlled' version of themselves to the world?

And to think more deeply about the issue I believe that - like everything else really - it's a matter of how far you take it -  and also the context - and personal values.

It's healthy to an extent to 'control' the version of yourself you present to the world. For example I think it shows respect for oneself and other people to dress in a way that's appropriate and makes you look your best when you're going to  work or a social function. Just to wander along in the first item of clothing you found that morning without having a thought for how you might look would - to my mind - not be a good idea. But I personally would consider it excessive to take this to extremes and  spend vast amounts of money on closets full of clothes or to enhance oneself with cosmetic surgery.

I suppose I also think that a 'controlled' image is OK when we're conscious of what we're doing and why we're doing it - rather than believing that we in some way ARE the image that we project.

Is there a particular reason why this issue is bothering you now do you think?

[Forestaken]

Controlled is fine.  Believe me, going through an ugly divorce, s2bx: uBPD+dOCD and her uNPD sister.  I would love to post that they go F themselves but I don't.

Control is good, Venting is good too. All is a balance.

[Weird Fishes]

Hi all, thanks for your thoughts!

Whatwasthat, I always point to my love of social media as a sign of my narcissism.  I don't try to make my life out to be perfect, but I do like to post pictures I've taken of things I do, and I tend to do it pretty regularly... .  more than a lot of people, though not as much as people with smartphones... .  

I am excited to share, say, pictures of my travels on FB, but I often feel guilty after, like I am bragging.

Also I keep thinking if I was healthy I wouldn't want to put things on the internet.

[Whatwasthat]

How do you feel about looking at friends' pictures of what they've done and their holidays etc on social media? Are you happy to see what they've posted? Does it promote the relationship? Make you feel closer to them?

If so I suppose it would mean that you too could be cementing your relationships with friends in a positive way by putting up pictures.

That might be the clue I think to understand how it's really working for you.

[Weird Fishes]

Hmm, usually I feel happy for them.  Interested.  Envy too, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel that sometimes.  But positive.

And people seem to respond really positively to the things I post.

[Forestaken]

Hi all, thanks for your thoughts!

Whatwasthat, I always point to my love of social media as a sign of my narcissism.  I don't try to make my life out to be perfect, but I do like to post pictures I've taken of things I do, and I tend to do it pretty regularly... .  more than a lot of people, though not as much as people with smartphones... .  

FB allowed me to reconnect with lost friends due to my s2bx ability to isolate me.  Seeing and meeting people that I lost due to her made me realize that she destroyed my self esteem.  Smiles from old friends, a causal hug means a lot after being alone.

[HowPredictable]

And people seem to respond really positively to the things I post.

^^^ This is really the key to how you are using FB, and what purpose it is serving for you.   In light of what you have self-diagnosed as narcissism, ask yourself this:   If nobody replied to your posts -- and I  mean NOBODY -- how would you feel?   Do you think it is really the attention that you seek?

Realize that for those with strong N-traits, posting to FB is often about soliciting attention, whether it's positive or negative.  And if your mood rises or falls depending on whether you get many / few responses to the pictures or status updates you share wtih the the world, then you have your answer.

PS.  Having recognized my own N-traits, I have taken down my FB entirely.   

[Weird Fishes]

Hmmm, HowPredictable-I do like feedback.  I guess if I posted a thing I thought was funny and no one responded I would feel a bit let down.  But it doesn't like... .  kill me if no one cares.  Why should they?

I've put meltdown stuff on the internet (fishing for reassurance), and posted divisive things in anger (politics and activism stuff, usually) that I know will start a disagreement.  But, I don't do those things very often any more because of those motives. 

So, yes, FB is about attention. 

Forestaken, yes, that is another good use for social media.  I'm not just on there to billboard, I love to hear about my friends, and we have amusing exchanges.  It is a good connecter. 

[HowPredictable]

But it doesn't like... .  kill me if no one cares.

The reality is that with FB, there is never a point where LITERALLY nobody replies.  At the least, someone will always "like" something you've posted.   Narcissist hate more than anything to be ignored... .  but FB will always give anyone who logs in at least a little shot of attention.

But if you truly do have strong N-traits as you suspect, then do a little experiment on yourself:   Don't post on FB for a few days.  Nothing.  No responses to anything, no status updates.  Block yourself from getting attention.  See how you feel.  You've surmised that for you, FB is about attention; it's an easy theory to prove.

[Rubies]

My internet social life is very controlled.  I don't post anything of value to "Them."  Anything I post can and will used as a weapon or leverage against me.  Almost 3 years out and I am still stalked and harassed by those people, and they use whatever means they can and whoever they can.  Any little nit they can pick will be woven into something slanderous about me.

[birdlady]

Being involved in a divorce settlement lawsuit, I'm very careful what I post on FB. Even though my ex and his gf are blocked, I post as if whatever I say is being cut and pasted to him. Better safe than sorry. I have FB locked down from non-friends and in some cases even from friends (photo tagging, etc.)

I'd only be concerned if someone is contolling their image to purposely deceive, as is done by con-artists and catfishers (the difference to me between is that the former is for financial gain and the latter is for emotional gain).

[Weird Fishes]

HowPredictable:  I actually do that frequently and it is NICE.  It's freeing, in a way.  The problem is getting off the internet, as I'm a horrible addict.  I was thinking of that as a separate issue, but maybe what I'm addicted to is the hit of attention (and it can feed into the narc injury thing, which is also addictive... .  oh you came up in my ticker, person I don't like?  Well let me just sit here and secretly resent you!) 

Rubies, ugh I can't believe you would still be being harassed after 3 years.  How are they getting to you? 

Birdlady, a friend of mine said "Never put anything on the internet you wouldn't shout from a crowded street corner."