ex doesn't make house payment again

[coffee shop]

Okay, short story, married 6 years to NPD/BPD. I financed the house before marriage. ex husband wanted house, divorce settlement allowed him to move back in and gave him 90 days to get financing. He was ordered to pay mortagage payments by the 10th of each month. He pd Oct & Nov., his check bounced in Dec and I paid it with the late fee and also Jan. I petitioned the court to have the house turned back to me to sell. H said he had problems getting financing so needed more time. Judge gave him two weeks to make progress, back in court, he brought an applicatioin he said he had filled out and said he had talked to a banker and needed 30 - 45 more days. Judge cont. hearing in 2 months. My attorney asked if ex h would be making the payments since he missed the last 2 but was living in the house. Judge said of course.

Okay, it is the 12th of the month... .  no payment has been posted. We don't return to court for 6 more weeks. If payment isn't make by the 14th I have to make it so that it isn't late and of course only my credit is affected by late payments since it is in my name. Each time my attorney brings up the fact that he is not making the payments the judge has amost dismissed it  because as he says 'the petitioner will get the money back when the house is refinanced so it isn't a problem." The problem is the payments take more than 30% of my monthly income before taxes, so it is a sustantial amount.

What have others done in situations such as the ex not paying and postponing taking care of things like getting the financing done so I can pay off the old mortagage and move on? I am quite sure the judge could care less.

[livednlearned]

Hi coffeeshop,

I would contact your lender and send a copy of the decree. Explain the situation. This can't be the first time. Or, failing that, contact the credit reporting agencies and ask them if there is a protocol to appeal the impact on you FICO score.

I did something proactively with the company financing my vehicle. N/BPDxh has been ordered to pay car payments (done in 2 months!) and I was worried it would affect my credit rating, so I contacted them. They gave me a grace period, so if the payment was late, I would get a notice, and then they gave me 2 weeks to fix it. It's written there in my account that this is how we will handle it.

Hopefully your lender will be similarly accommodating.

LnL

[coffee shop]

Hi lived, I have already contacted the lender. I did that the first time, when his check bounced. Since it is in my name I do received the late notices but in this case his check bounced and they waited to resubmit and and by that time the payment was already late when I received notice, they were kind enough to call so I at least had a couple more days before Christmas to get some money to pay it. They said they their company only recoginizes the person on the loan as being responsible. It doesn't matter what the court papers say, I am responsible until the loan is paid in full.

I didn't think about contacting the credit reporting agencies to see what they can do about my credit.

Thanks

[livednlearned]

Would the lender be willing to set up an automatic withdrawal from your account if they do not receive payment on xyz date?

Another option: Ask the lender to change the payment date. Do not tell the ex. If he does not pay, you will have x days before having to respond and pay.

Or, perhaps the lender would agree to not report it to the credit reporting agencies if the payment is less than 30 days late? They have the ability to not report it, but maybe they need to see some kind of good faith attempt to show you are dealing with the issue as best you can.

Have you talked to someone as high up in the lending company as possible? The first line you speak to may be doing things by the book, but maybe a manager who has been around for a while can help you fiddle with the details?

I had to help N/BPDx clean up his credit during our first years of marriage, and it takes a lot of perseverance, but sometimes miracles do happen. A couple of times it just took finding the right person to talk to, after being told no, or we can't do that, etc.

[livednlearned]

Just remembered, too, that some of the lenders I had to work with did not report late payments until they were 30 days past due. Most have a grace period, so maybe your lender hasn't even reporting it to the credit agencies yet?

[seeking balance]

It seems he is in violation of your divorce decree - as such, can you or your attorney file an OSC to alter so you can put the house on the market?

[ForeverDad]

Your lawyer ought to submit whatever paperwork is appropriate, stating that with a third month of non-payment and absolutely no attempt to reimburse you for your emergency actions, he should vacate immediately to allow you to have the premises you're paying for.  Maybe he can still get financing, if so, that's fine but meanwhile as long as he's not paying, he shouldn't get a free ride.

Oh, and ask for reimbursement of your payments, lawyer and court costs and sanctions.  You won't get costs or sanctions immediately, but after a few times maybe the judge will get the point.

In hindsight he should not have moved back in until he actually had financing.  If he really wanted to move in, he would have worked diligently to do that.  Now that he's in the house, he has little or no incentive to get it done.  Frankly, it's quite possible he will drag this out as long as he can, every step of the way.

[coffee shop]

Forever Dad,

you are right he should have never been allowed to move back in. My attorney made a very strong case against it, showing he had not had a job except for 5 months out of the last 2.5 years, she showed the statements from the bill collectors we recieved after we got married from all his past due accounts that I had not know about before, the statement from IRS showing he had not paid his taxes the 2 years previous to the marriage, all showing he was not responsible for making payment and most likely would not make the mortgage payments or get financing.

His attorney put my x's father on the stand (a 73 year old retired man) who stated he didn't want his son (55 year old) to lose this house after he put so much work into it (he did some very minor updates in the 6 years we were there). He said he would make sure his son got the financing for the house and the judge ruled the he could move in after I had the weekend to get my things out.

Since we can't go back and make that judge change the settlement order we have to work with what we have. My attorney is sending a subpoena for the back records showing I have made the last 3 mortgage payments which include the taxes and insurance and for the loan application and their denial of financing. He has not communicated anything about not getting a loan, in fact he stated in court on Jan. 29 that the loan was in process. Fact is his application was in before that hearing and he already knew he was turned down or he knew the next day because the bank has to let the applicant know in 3 business days. My attorney also talked about sending the judge an email about the additional missed payment. since the Jan. hearing.

I am quite sure no other place will give him a loan either yet I am quite sure he will not do a thing until closer to the March 25 court date and then state in the hearing that he has another loan in process or some sort of excuse.

[ForeverDad]

Delay works in his favor, so why should he change?  Yes, will has probably spent his entire life mastering the skill to slid by doing the bare minimum.  He's a loser and a user.  Call it what it is.

And the reason to get back into court ASAP is that surely another payment will be due before then.  Does the settlement allow you to discount off the extra expenses or do you have to add that as an additional item at family court.  At the very least, pay him less in the final reconciliation.

[coffee shop]

Yes, I get the full payment X however many payments I make when the house finally sells.

Sure wish there was a way to warn others when they are getting involved with people like him. I have had so many people tell me that as soon as they met him they knew he was a user/loser. Wish I could have seen that.

[tog]

It scares me how inadequate the court system is at dealing with manipulative people wBPD and other disorders.  He will do what he can to bankrupt you and walk away without any consequences.

[coffee shop]

Yes Tog that is exactly what his goal is. He threatened that very early in this fight and so far he has been pretty sucessful. The court system allows him to do this and I think his attorney thinks it is a fun game.

[tog]

Is it possible for you to take out a small personal loan to supplement your income until the house is sold and you get the money? Maybe if you make him think it's not bothering you in the slightest, he'll find some other game to play.

[ForeverDad]

I'm also concerned that if he fails to get financing and is eventually forced to vacate then he's likely to leave it a mess, damaged or worse.

Do you have photos of the house, inside and out, just before he moved in?  Perhaps you need something in the order too that any damage to the house while he has occupancy is deducted from his portion of the house's proceeds.  I fear that just "vacated" is not enough to protect you in an order, you need to ensure he doesn't do a General Sherman's March to the Sea, leaving nothing behind.

[livednlearned]

There's a funny story on the Internet about a woman who was divorcing her ex, in a very similar situation to you. He was trying to refinance the house and move in with his new girlfriend.

The ex wife cooked a meal -- a shrimp dish -- one night before she packed up to move out. Before she left, she unscrewed the curtain rods at the end and tucked the shrimp shells inside and then screwed the rods back up.

The house started to stink, and the ex husband and his new gf spend a lot of money trying to get the house fumigated. They ripped up the carpets and put in hard wood floors. Painted the entire inside of the house. Renovated the kitchen thinking there were dead animals in the cabinets somewhere.

They decided to sell the house pretty cheap back to the woman, and thought it was hilarious that she would never know about the odor.

Sometimes, it feels good to feel  

[Sickofthedrama]

Would the lender be willing to set up an automatic withdrawal from your account if they do not receive payment on xyz date?

Another option: Ask the lender to change the payment date. Do not tell the ex. If he does not pay, you will have x days before having to respond and pay.

I would agree with livednlearned on this one. You cant rely on courts or you ex to correct this issue before it gets out of hand. You may need to take the reins on this one to protect yourself until it is all over. Having to put up a few months to protect you future may sound impossible right now moneywise but its better than to see credit get demolished.

I watched my H rely on his lawyers for 2 years during their dragged out divorce. He signed papers to have the house fully signed over to her, she bought him out, everything was written in court he would be off the house completely on x day of xxxx year. A year later in April we were on vacation and he got a call. The mortgage company. She stopped paying in November. Just after the court date. She handed in all the papers the court requested showing that she bought him out and showing she signed the paper relieving him of the house, but she never sent it to the mortgage company (his fault for not following up!). House in foreclosure. His name with it. The  lawyer who "reviewed" everything was willing to go back to court to remove him and sue for damages - for another 10K retainer! At that time he was so broke and his credit had been hit since November thanks to her he wouldn't have been able to get a loan if he tried. Long story short, he found a buyer days before the bank was to take it back over. The mortgage company flat out said he was on the mortgage and he was responsible. Didn't matter that he had the court paper showing he was to be completely removed on x day of xxxx year. It wasn't done with the lender and he never bothered to follow up. He learned his lesson that day 

Just be very careful and monitor everything. Your credit, these payments. Talk to the lenders. Ask questions, take notes. Document everything! Times, dates, phone calls and the names of the people you speak with. Your in the right place and asking the right people for advice. I know putting up money sucks, but you want a clean break from this. Years later my hubby can't get a simple car loan thanks to the shortsale she caused. Good luck with everything and keep us posted

[tog]

While my SO was married to his uN/BPDstbxw, he kept asking her to put his name on the mortgage. Luckily, she never did.

After he left she rolled all of her debt into the mortgage and then walked away from the house. It still sits there empty 3 years later, I drive by it every day on my way to work. My state is so far behind on foreclosures that the bank hasn't done anything. If it forecloses, she gets all of that debt just wiped out completely. It's listed for about 60K more than it would ever sell for, so she obviously doesn't want a short sale.

I'd feel guilty for life if I did that, but she is wired differently.

[coffee shop]

Since the house loan was only in my name there wasn't a question about having to have a complete 'sale' with the closing etc. Thank goodness for small blessings.

My attorney has asked my x's attorney to meet with the judge today to talk about the most recent miss payment. I have not heard anything so I am guessing the other attorney refused. The hearing was continued until Mar. 25, I really hope we don't have to wait until then to let the judge hear that he has once again gone against the judge's order.

Lived, I love the story and had seen it prior to my moving out. It was a fleeting thought, alas we had a dog (that my ex kept) that was part hound, I figured it would drive the dog crazy. LOL

Tog, I did try to take out a loan to cover attorney fees and future payments. Since the house is my only asset to borrow against and since my credit has been hit with late payments in the past year, I can't get a loan.

I borrowed against my retirement so I could paid my attorney and have a bit of a cushion so really I can take care of this myself. I just don't know how long he will draw this out since it is already 4.5 months past the divorce and 1.5 months past the deadline for closing on the house and this is the 3rd house payment he has missed. With that being said, I can't rent a place because sooner or later I will have to pay more attorney fees and most likely more house payments, even if the judge kicks him out of the house.

I am very concerned that the house is already not in the condition I left it.

[coffee shop]

UPDATE: ex has to move out in 2 weeks and the house will be listed! We had another hearing today and I think the judge is finally getting the picture. We had paper work from the bank he applied for a loan stating he was notified on 1/23 this year that he was denied a loan. We went to court the last time 1/29 where he told the judge the loan agent thought everything was a go and there would be no problem.

We agreed that I would find 3 realtors and he will pick one. Then we both have to sign the agreement by the 8th so it can be listed. I won't hope too much that all will happen in a timely matter since I know he will think of something but I am celebrating the progress.

Funny story, before the hearing his attorney asked to meet with mine. He had a proposal. My ex had brought a letter from a realtor friend of his stating the friend would charge 2 percent less than the area realtors charge. If I would agree and sign a contract with that guy, and if I would keep paying the mortgage while it is for sale, he would keep the house in good order for sale and I could have all my payments back when the house sold. ... . Really... . seriously? The settlement agreement already states that I will get back all payments I have to make if he missed on or if he didn't get financing so he is not giving me anything. If I pay the mortgage and he still lives there, did he really think I would believe his friend was really trying to sell the house? It was a good thing my attorney told me while I was in a conference room and not the court room because I just burst into laughter. Why would I take that offer? Then when we got in the court room his attorney brought this up and said that his client wanted me to pay the extra two percent if I refused to use his friend because he had found this deal to save money and I wouldnt agree to his plan. The Judge didn't agree with him. 

[livednlearned]

UPDATE: ex has to move out in 2 weeks and the house will be listed! We had another hearing today and I think the judge is finally getting the picture. We had paper work from the bank he applied for a loan stating he was notified on 1/23 this year that he was denied a loan. We went to court the last time 1/29 where he told the judge the loan agent thought everything was a go and there would be no problem.

We agreed that I would find 3 realtors and he will pick one. Then we both have to sign the agreement by the 8th so it can be listed. I won't hope too much that all will happen in a timely matter since I know he will think of something but I am celebrating the progress.

Funny story, before the hearing his attorney asked to meet with mine. He had a proposal. My ex had brought a letter from a realtor friend of his stating the friend would charge 2 percent less than the area realtors charge. If I would agree and sign a contract with that guy, and if I would keep paying the mortgage while it is for sale, he would keep the house in good order for sale and I could have all my payments back when the house sold. ... . Really... . seriously? The settlement agreement already states that I will get back all payments I have to make if he missed on or if he didn't get financing so he is not giving me anything. If I pay the mortgage and he still lives there, did he really think I would believe his friend was really trying to sell the house? It was a good thing my attorney told me while I was in a conference room and not the court room because I just burst into laughter. Why would I take that offer? Then when we got in the court room his attorney brought this up and said that his client wanted me to pay the extra two percent if I refused to use his friend because he had found this deal to save money and I wouldnt agree to his plan. The Judge didn't agree with him. 

Congratulations on moving ahead, coffeeshop!

[coffee shop]

Thanks lived.

It is funny because when I first started sharing this good news with friends and family, they would look at me and say 'this is good right?' i thought that was strange until I realized I was so sober when I talked about it. As the day went by yesterday I got more excited each time I shared. I guess I was so used to be defeated I just couldn't believe it went my way this time. Today I am very excited. Cautious but excited.