Why is she being so selfish?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

She initiates it... .  then when she sees I've obliged she breaks it.

Its been 8 months since we've broken up. I've tried one worded responses...

I even ignored several attempts. I've been using her cousin as a median between

her and I when it comes to contacting her about important stuff like her mail that come

here and she knows that. But last night I responded to her text. 

What gets me is that she's moved on physically with someone else.

Constantly publicly advertising their every move online. If she's so

happy and moved on why does she keep contacting me? Especially right

after suggesting no contact her darn self. I'm starting to become frustrated.

[daintrovert13]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

She initiates it... .  then when she sees I've obliged she breaks it.

Its been 8 months since we've broken up. I've tried one worded responses...

I even ignored several attempts. I've been using her cousin as a median between

her and I when it comes to contacting her about important stuff like her mail that come

here and she knows that. But last night I responded to her text. 

What gets me is that she's moved on physically with someone else.

Constantly publicly advertising their every move online. If she's so

happy and moved on why does she keep contacting me? Especially right

after suggesting no contact her darn self. I'm starting to become frustrated.

[grad]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

She initiates it... .  then when she sees I've obliged she breaks it.

Its been 8 months since we've broken up. I've tried one worded responses...

I even ignored several attempts. I've been using her cousin as a median between

her and I when it comes to contacting her about important stuff like her mail that come

here and she knows that. But last night I responded to her text. 

What gets me is that she's moved on physically with someone else.

Constantly publicly advertising their every move online. If she's so

happy and moved on why does she keep contacting me? Especially right

after suggesting no contact her darn self. I'm starting to become frustrated.

1) they're never happy

2) look at your title, it's what they are, selfish

3) they need to inflict pain on others because that's how they feel

4) control

[seeking balance]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

no, it is not fair.  So, why are you putting up with it?  Block her number.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

no, she simply is focused on her own needs - it is not about you, it is about filling the hole in her.

She initiates it... .  then when she sees I've obliged she breaks it.

Its been 8 months since we've broken up. I've tried one worded responses...

I even ignored several attempts. I've been using her cousin as a median between

her and I when it comes to contacting her about important stuff like her mail that come

here and she knows that. But last night I responded to her text. 

you may want to stop triangulating (read definition) her cousin, all you have to do is write "not at this address" - it has been 8 months, when are you going to let go of her too?

What gets me is that she's moved on physically with someone else.

Constantly publicly advertising their every move online. If she's so

happy and moved on why does she keep contacting me? Especially right

after suggesting no contact her darn self. I'm starting to become frustrated.

Why are you looking if you know it frustrates you?

I am sorry you are frustrated, can you see you have complete control over most of this?  It is time to take care of yourself - you really are worth it.

[daintrovert13]

1) they're never happy

2) look at your title, it's what they are, selfish

3) they need to inflict pain on others because that's how they feel

4) control

Ridiculous.

I've chosen to be single this past 8 months because I know how I feel mentally,emotionally,so

I would never string any one along with me. Use anyone as a band aid for my emotions. I feel like I need to heal completely before I move on physically. But she did the opposite. 30 days after our break up, she proposes to her now significant other... .  refuse to deal with the break up on her own. But how

long can you selfishly use some one to mask your emotions, then when you have a relapse, selfishly

contact me with BS manipulation tactics?

[hithere]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

Yes! The bold above.

My exBPD was very open about the fact that she intended to keep in contact with me on a regular basis so I would not be able to forget about her and move on.

[seeking balance]

Ridiculous.

I've chosen to be single this past 8 months because I know how I feel mentally,emotionally,so

I would never string any one along with me. Use anyone as a band aid for my emotions. I feel like I need to heal completely before I move on physically. But she did the opposite. 30 days after our break up, she proposes to her now significant other... .  refuse to deal with the break up on her own. But how

long can you selfishly use some one to mask your emotions, then when you have a relapse, selfishly

contact me with BS manipulation tactics?

yes, ridiculous

Why are you comparing your actions to that of a mentally ill person?

BPD is a mental illness - this is who she is.

Why can't you block her?

[hithere]

Why can't you block her?

I know I didn't block her because I still felt addicted to the chaos.  I would actually get an adrenaline rush when she did contact me... .  

[daintrovert13]

She keeps breaking no contact over and over again. Its not fair.

no, it is not fair.  So, why are you putting up with it?  Block her number.

I'm starting to think she knows that it sets back my healing process.

no, she simply is focused on her own needs - it is not about you, it is about filling the hole in her.

She initiates it... .  then when she sees I've obliged she breaks it.

Its been 8 months since we've broken up. I've tried one worded responses...

I even ignored several attempts. I've been using her cousin as a median between

her and I when it comes to contacting her about important stuff like her mail that come

here and she knows that. But last night I responded to her text. 

you may want to stop triangulating (read definition) her cousin, all you have to do is write "not at this address" - it has been 8 months, when are you going to let go of her too?

What gets me is that she's moved on physically with someone else.

Constantly publicly advertising their every move online. If she's so

happy and moved on why does she keep contacting me? Especially right

after suggesting no contact her darn self. I'm starting to become frustrated.

Why are you looking if you know it frustrates you?

I am sorry you are frustrated, can you see you have complete control over most of this?  It is time to take care of yourself - you really are worth it.

You sound just like my best friend... .  are you an Aries?

But, I guess it's because I don't want to be a b*tch about the whole situation.

Even though the temptation is high. Plus there is still feelings involved. We all know

how it go down when feelings still linger. Honestly, the "looking" is my coping and desensitizing

mechanism. In the beginning I was furious, full of jealousy and anger. I've notice that those emotions

are diminishing. Yes, by looking. Knowing that the new person is being manipulated the same way

feels... .  relieving in a sense. Deleting, blocking, removing isn't as easy as it sounds. She finds ways.

[daintrovert13]

Why can't you block her?

I know I didn't block her because I still felt addicted to the chaos.  I would actually get an adrenaline rush when she did contact me... .  

Yip sounds just about right. This bold and outright selfishness is... .  I don't have a word

In the 7th month her gpa died and she had suggest we met because SHE wanted closure.

She suggested we meet after the funeral to "talk". Well that turned in to a flirting session. Her acting like we never broke up... .  sitting next to me for half the funeral... .  handing me her phone... .  fixing my food plate, catering to my my every need... .  trying to call me babe... .  threatening to leave strands of hair in my car. Inviting me back at her house to watch movies. A heap of emotion on her end. Followed by "I think we should never ever talk about anything ever"... .  the very next day. As if I initiated it all. All this coming from a woman who confesses her undying love to her Fiance publicly online. Painted black?

Then BAM! she break her own no contact.

[daintrovert13]

My exBPD was very open about the fact that she intended to keep in contact with me on a regular basis so I would not be able to forget about her and move on.


My last response is in response to this quote.

[seeking balance]

You sound just like my best friend... .  are you an Aries?

nope, libra

you have a wise best friend 

But, I guess it's because I don't want to be a b*tch about the whole situation.

so, taking care of your own emotional needs is equal to being a btch?  where did you get that kind of thinking?

Even though the temptation is high. Plus there is still feelings involved. We all know

how it go down when feelings still linger.

FEELINGS are NOT FACTS - repeat this 35 times right now.

Fact, you will be hurt and angry every time she contacts you.

Fact, you have taught her by your actions you will eventually respond when she contacts you

Fact - YOU ARE THE ONE HURTING YOURSELF

Honestly, the "looking" is my coping and desensitizing

mechanism. In the beginning I was furious, full of jealousy and anger. I've notice that those emotions

are diminishing. Yes, by looking. Knowing that the new person is being manipulated the same way

feels... .  relieving in a sense. Deleting, blocking, removing isn't as easy as it sounds. She finds ways.

You might think this sounds harsh, but somebody needs to tell you this - being an ADULT is not always easy.

A healthy, mature adult accepts pain as a necessary evil in being healthy overall.  Life has pain - not blocking her hurts and blocking her will hurt - but which one is going to yield better results in the long run?

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

You cannot control her, but you can control you - so, do you want to vent or do you want to change?

[struggli]

daintrovert,

I can relate a lot to what you've posted here.

It's been maybe 7 or 8 months for me since BU as well.  Last I heard from her was about 2 weeks ago, initiated by her as it has been the last 4 or 5 times contact has been broken.

I just installed app on my phone that will reply to her that she has been blocked.  Although, now I neurotically check to see if the thing has been triggered.  Not yet.

Mine is keeping me thinking about her.  I've tried to remove all evidence of her existence from my physical space... .  

[seeking balance]

I just installed app on my phone that will reply to her that she has been blocked.  Although, now I neurotically check to see if the thing has been triggered.  Not yet.

Eventually, the need to check will lessen.

Look - there is nothing easy about blocking someone we love... .  I mean nothing easy about it at all.

Eventually, I had to figure out that the pain of doing these extreme letting go's means that I had to really really grieve the relationship... .  it hurt, big time.

BUT, if I continued doing the same things over and over, at some point it was pointed out to me that I was my own worst enemy... .  

Letting go of destructive people is the very best thing we can do for ourselves.  This does not mean that our pwBPD is all bad, nothing about that - it is that this person's contact is now destructive to our ability to heal.

[daintrovert13]

so, taking care of your own emotional needs is equal to being a btch?  where did you get that kind of thinking?

I'm taking care but definitely not fully, that's where my frustration comes in. I don't know I just don't want to "kick her to the curb" scratch that "kick her off a cliff" even though that may be my only option right now. As I now see Ignoring doesn't work. Thank you for the advice.

[seeking balance]

I don't know I just don't want to "kick her to the curb" scratch that "kick her off a cliff" even though that may be my only option right now.

why?

what makes her needs more important than yours?

[daintrovert13]

I don't know I just don't want to "kick her to the curb" scratch that "kick her off a cliff" even though that may be my only option right now.

why?

what makes her needs more important than yours?

... .  probably because she was considerate towards my needs when she left me. She knew I needed to detach in small doses and she gave that to me. It was compassionate. We actually saw each other every Friday after we broke up. Until my emotions got the best of me and it turned ugly. I think she truly cares about me. It's in her nature... .  so I don't think I'm ready to kick her to the curb. If ever. To me going through the action of initiating NC has the same effect on me as replying with a dot or an exclamation mark!

Oh! I was on able to say "feelings are not facts" 8x's sorry it's the Introvert in me. (=

[seeking balance]

... .  probably because she was considerate towards my needs when she left me. She knew I needed to detach in small doses and she gave that to me. It was compassionate. We actually saw each other every Friday after we broke up. Until my emotions got the best of me and it turned ugly. I think she truly cares about me. It's in her nature... .  so I don't think I'm ready to kick her to the curb. If ever. To me going through the action of initiating NC has the same effect on me as replying with a dot or an exclamation mark!

Interesting... .  in the beginning you assume she was being considerate to you because you still wanted to see her by staying connected... .  yet now that you want space, her same behavior feels selfish to you... .  

so, she is actually staying pretty consistent - she wants to connect and reaches out - get the impression maybe it isn't about "you".

[daintrovert13]

get the impression maybe it isn't about "you".

Maybe... .  you have a point.

In the beginning yes, not a problem, we were "together" but with out Titles.

Breakfast making. grocery shopping. physical contact. Yes, I tolerated and allowed the selfishness,consideration,compassion,empathy what ever it was. We were both single.

But fast forward to now... .  NO. Another person is involved in this equation. Her Fiance'.

They been together for 7 months/engaged for 7 months    I see the same selfishness, but this sin seem greater. So yes, I DO want her to stop contacting me. She already switched it around and acted like I "made" her act the way she acted before, during and after the funeral. I honestly think my rejection and my shortness triggers some type of awkward weird pleasure with in her. The experts call it fear.

But... .  like I said earlier, 8 months is still a fresh wound for me and I have been trying to stick to my decisions. I don't have a problem not contacting her. It's what happens when she contacts me.


I guess you're trying to say different scenarios same intent?