I am adopted. <whew>
BUT I have a sinking feeling that both my parents were NPD. Is that even possible?
My dad was the handsome charmer, life of the party. He had numerous quickie affairs and possibly some long term ones too- and used me as his "cover".
If I tagged along as a pre-teen child, my Mother would be unwilling/unable to suggest or suspect that my Dad was doing the outrageous things he did-NOT with his own daughter along. He would better be able to hide his activities and soothe my Mother's anxieties. So he dragged me along to strangers' homes and snarled at me to stay PUT. I'd watch TV in someone elses living room and sip a coke while he and the OW wandered off. It happened WAY more than a few times between the ages of my 8th -11th years.
It worked for him, until at about age 11 I told my Mom that Ms XYZ, (a secretary) was along on an out of town trip. I knew that something was terribly wrong with ALL of what my dad was doing. At the time, the threat and intimidation I felt (from him) was sufficient to keep me quiet.
He was extremely dismissive/intolerant of family friends, barely tolerated them for my Mom's sake. He would sit and read magazines until time to leave. He was an abusive bully at home and basically lived his own life. A horrible grandparent.(still)
My Mother was not pretty or flirty like my Dad-she relied solely on her academic achievement-a double Major in Math and Physics. She became a substitute teacher in high school, for troubled kids for a short while. She LIVED for her HS and College days-and recounted them in excruciating detail in her later years. She built her self worth on her intellect and was disdainful of women with NO degree. She was very condescending. Snooty. She felt she knew
so much and was very belittling to those who knew less, or worked menial jobs.
She ADORED my Dad. Never questioned him openly. She controlled the household, financially, as well as scheduling. Hated to cook and clean-as it was beneath her! We ate out a lot.
She absolutely minimized my Dad's angry, nasty behaviors and made constant excuses for him.
She was a drab person, who had inordinate pride in her intelligence-she was terrifically judgmental towards those she felt inferior to her.
She became addicted to TV-hers was the first generation that HAD TV from morning til night- and I believe she suffered from low level chronic depression as well. She was codependent to my BPD sister-the troubled child. Lived her life trying to FIX my sister.
I believe my H2 was probably NPD maybe BPD as well. All this makes sense- for how I gravitated to a man I felt was charming, handsome and rather unavailable, who turned into an emotional Bully.
Can anyone point me to reading materials?
WOW... . I never knew the FOO stuff was just so thick and tangled up. What a mess. Talk about brambles and a hedge!
We need tools for FOO "pruning"
GL
