nc - starting over after 48 hours

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I peaked at her picture account. She had set it to private. My guess is because of the new guy but who knows really.  that's why i was looking anyways.  It's valentines day. Wanted to see who she jumped to.

Been in therapy.  Talked about this.  Emotional self harm. Not unlike someone who cuts themselves... .  

Made it 2 days. Was feeling better, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I looked I got this wave of... .  something.  I'm not sure what it is.  Not quite anxiety.  I can feel it in my chest. I can't really pick up on what it is... .  maybe shame? maybe anger?

any thoughts, comments, relations so next time i get he urge, i can better fight it?  maybe so i can better sort out what I'm feeling? 

[just_think]

I peaked at her picture account. She had set it to private. My guess is because of the new guy but who knows really.  that's why i was looking anyways.  It's valentines day. Wanted to see who she jumped to.

Been in therapy.  Talked about this.  Emotional self harm. Not unlike someone who cuts themselves... .  

Made it 2 days. Was feeling better, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I looked I got this wave of... .  something.  I'm not sure what it is.  Not quite anxiety.  I can feel it in my chest. I can't really pick up on what it is... .  maybe shame? maybe anger?

any thoughts, comments, relations so next time i get he urge, i can better fight it?  maybe so i can better sort out what I'm feeling? 

[recoil]

Deep breath through those feelings.  Helps me quite a bit.  Do it for a couple of minutes.

[just_think]

Yup mindfulness got me through the day.  And I picked up smoking again. My weekend starts tomorrow.  I'm going to try to detox.