I can´t control my anger right now

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi!

I can´t control my anger, I feel like it´s one year and a half of my exBPDby selfishness, "assness", bad temper and offenses all concentrated this morning and it was terrible, I said: "If I saw anything in you any time, I don´t really know what it was" and "you are just selfish, you don´t care but anyone else but you." He tried to explain his behaviour but I was so mad that... .  I said: "OK, right, the only explanation is that you are a f**** selfish and a mot***** and I hope that your f**** mother can bear you because I don´t know who else can".

I wrote an apology after that: "I´m sorry you were offended, you don´t deserve offenses and insults. That said, your behaviour is unacceptable for me, I understand your reasons but we see the world with different eyes."

He started to explain and justify why he did that, the thing is that it wasn´t so important, it´s just that I´m fed up, is this the anger phase or something like that?

What happened is that I was going to work by car this morning and he called me to go with me; we decided to met at 8:15am near my car. He said: "OK, don´t be late" he once gave me the silent treatment several day for arriving 5 minutes late. So I left home and arrived 5 minutes before the hour, I waited but he didn´t come. After 10 minutes I checked my phone and he had sent me a message 5 minutes before we were to meet saying that he had caught the bus because it arrived earlier than me.

[Tormenta]

Hi!

I can´t control my anger, I feel like it´s one year and a half of my exBPDby selfishness, "assness", bad temper and offenses all concentrated this morning and it was terrible, I said: "If I saw anything in you any time, I don´t really know what it was" and "you are just selfish, you don´t care but anyone else but you." He tried to explain his behaviour but I was so mad that... .  I said: "OK, right, the only explanation is that you are a f**** selfish and a mot***** and I hope that your f**** mother can bear you because I don´t know who else can".

I wrote an apology after that: "I´m sorry you were offended, you don´t deserve offenses and insults. That said, your behaviour is unacceptable for me, I understand your reasons but we see the world with different eyes."

He started to explain and justify why he did that, the thing is that it wasn´t so important, it´s just that I´m fed up, is this the anger phase or something like that?

What happened is that I was going to work by car this morning and he called me to go with me; we decided to met at 8:15am near my car. He said: "OK, don´t be late" he once gave me the silent treatment several day for arriving 5 minutes late. So I left home and arrived 5 minutes before the hour, I waited but he didn´t come. After 10 minutes I checked my phone and he had sent me a message 5 minutes before we were to meet saying that he had caught the bus because it arrived earlier than me.

[almost789]

Sorry, its really not uncommon at all to be provoked into angry rages by a pwBPD. Best to detach and get away from people like this. It doesn't get better.

[Tormenta]

 

Thank you! You are right.

[dharmagems]

I know how you feel.  If you have a weak stomach for taking yelling, insults, and blame, you must be hurting bad.  I know. 

If I tried to defend myself when he was raging in blaming me, he got worse by mimicking me, mocking me, and putting me down, and saying it was my fault.  There is no winning with him in this state.

When I learned how to empower myself, he even suggested to tell him "Hey, don't talk to me that way, if you keep on doing that, then I will disengage from the conversation!"  pwBPD needs calm and firm boundary setting.  The more you get riled and angry the more they will get angry. 

Or if it is really too much for you to handle, just tell him it's too much for you and you are walking away.

And, if you just can't put up with it any longer, you could always, run away

[Tormenta]

Thank you very much!



I think that you are right, this board is all about making one understood, thanks a lot! 

Yes, there is no winning with a partner in that state.

I should have avoid contact and not let him hurt me and not lose my temper and get angry - I´m not proud.

He apologized but today he showed at work looking bad and he rolls eyes, etc, again. He said: "hi! Are you going to bite me or be nice? It depends on the day... .  you was so mean yesterday... .  "

I don´t know why, I just don´t care, I´m staying far and I´m seeing the light in the end of the tunnel, for real.

I miss him and feel lonely but not so much - also, between this feeling of loneliness I´ve found that it´s nothing more than a feeling, not the real life - I was making some friends at work without noticing it because I was too focused on him. I see it now.

I remember one year ago, the 1st time he broke up with me, I couldn´t help but cry all day long during one month and a half. I decided to move downtown because I was so lonely and chose a house near his house so I could be at least live near him. I didn´t know anything about BPD. And this time this board has made the change! Thank you very much!