New Girlfriends Still Hurt

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

History: Divorced just over 1 year from uBPDexh after 17-year relationship. Share custody of S8.

I'm still feeling very wounded and hurt by my ex having a new girlfriend. He cheated on me multiple times, which is what finally pushed me to end the marriage. In the year since the divorce was finalized, he's had a few different girlfriends. Been engaged to 2 of them. He introduces the girlfriends right away to our son and even leaves the to babysit within a short time of starting to date.

He still lives in the house we shared. It's frustrating to see him "afford" to keep the house, plus buy a $45,000 car when he was unemployed for most of last year and is on job #3 in the past year.

It's even harder to see the girlfriend's car at the house. It's there everytime I pick up/drop of Son. I don't get it. I'm still hurting and healing and it's like he just moved me out and moves in someone else to take my place. I'm struggling with these feelings right now and it's hard when my friends and family haven't experienced being cheated on and seeing your ex replace you so quickly.

[Free One]

History: Divorced just over 1 year from uBPDexh after 17-year relationship. Share custody of S8.

I'm still feeling very wounded and hurt by my ex having a new girlfriend. He cheated on me multiple times, which is what finally pushed me to end the marriage. In the year since the divorce was finalized, he's had a few different girlfriends. Been engaged to 2 of them. He introduces the girlfriends right away to our son and even leaves the to babysit within a short time of starting to date.

He still lives in the house we shared. It's frustrating to see him "afford" to keep the house, plus buy a $45,000 car when he was unemployed for most of last year and is on job #3 in the past year.

It's even harder to see the girlfriend's car at the house. It's there everytime I pick up/drop of Son. I don't get it. I'm still hurting and healing and it's like he just moved me out and moves in someone else to take my place. I'm struggling with these feelings right now and it's hard when my friends and family haven't experienced being cheated on and seeing your ex replace you so quickly.

[trevjim]

I know exactly how you feel, its disturbing to see his car Parked where mine used to be. Just today I saw a cat and thought of the kitten we bought. I helped raise her little boy, worked hard to get the house and all the furnishings, the cat etc, and he has just come along and inherited it all. Everything I worked for given to someone else, its disgusting, but what can you do?

The only thing that has really helped me is to try and think of the positives that I have now inherited and the negatives he has inherited.

[Free One]

Thanks Trevjim. That is a good tip to think of negative/positives. I know I am better off without him; happier on many levels. The heartbreak just still catches me sometimes. The betrayals really did some damage. I'm working on it all, but it's nice to have people here who understand.

[LuckyEscapee]

He has moved along, that doesn't always mean he's moved on, or better still learned from the experience and grown from it. Often it is wash, rinse, repeat. He could be on autopilot whereas you are feeling and absorbing every step of your journey. 

[Free One]

He has moved along, that doesn't always mean he's moved on, or better still learned from the experience and grown from it. Often it is wash, rinse, repeat. He could be on autopilot whereas you are feeling and absorbing every step of your journey. 

Yes, I agree. And I understand that I am feeling it, processing it and dealing with it now so that I can be healthy and move forward. He is on autopilot and is in pain and will extend his pain by avoiding it with new flings.

There's still just that nagging feeling I wasn't "good enough" and the raw pain of loving someone who doesn't want you.

[Somewhere]

On the good side, he is as gone from your life as you will let him be.

What do you want to do with the rest of your life?

Have you figured out how to protect your son from this garbage?

[broken but not beaten]

I'm sure seeing someone else seemingly being happy and carefree does cut to the core. All is not as it seems behing closed doors though,my uBPDxgf met someone during our first split and seemingly was happy and had everything. Of course she put him on a pedestal as we all were placed,within 8 wks than came to a halt and he was devalued,admittedly I struggled during that period however these people take what they want or need at that particular time then move on. My ex has a fantastic job which I originally resented as all my qualities she sucked from me,I'm not there yet but I will become more emotionally fulfilled than she can ever be and that's what makes us survivors and the strong compassionate caring people we are