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Author Topic: Another lonely friday, saturday and sunday night coming...  (Read 8912 times)
HarmKrakow
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« on: February 22, 2013, 12:48:12 PM »

After a full week of work, hours and hours of not having to think of the BPD person in our life, it has yet begun... weekend!

I just came home, after a week of barely thinking about her, but now yet again almost not being able to keep up my tears. I don't have the energy to do something else, it's another bed-sit-weekend hoping to get more emotionally healthy.

Anyone else? Never felt so lonely in my life man, blergh 
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2013, 12:54:43 PM »

   I can give you suggestions but you might not be in the mood to hear them.  It's ok to take a timeout to rest, cry, heal.  Imagine your heart like a broken leg, it will eventually heal but not overnight.
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Gimme Peace
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« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2013, 01:32:40 PM »

I'm also looking at another lonely weekend, except that I haven't left yet.  I think being in a dysfunctional, emotionally distant relationship is much worse than being alone. I can't wait to be alone and not have to worry about his meltdowns or silent rages anymore.

I will live vicariously through you in enjoying the solace and peace. Hang in there. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Hutsepotmetworst
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« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2013, 01:45:33 PM »

Yep Harm,

Me too, wasn't looking forward to this weekend... .  

At least I have some distractions... .  tomorrow I go see my girls play a volleyball match.

And Sunday I have to play a match myself... .  strange though... .  I was ALWAYS looking forward to play (during my marriage with a NON it were my only happy moments), but since my uexBPDgf dumped me, it's just no fun anymore... .  

In the end she even thought my sportsclub was a sexclub and that I cheated her with every girl I saw there... .  

Just sad... .  
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2013, 01:57:09 PM »

Can't resist sharing this site.  It is about the weirdest humor on the planet but it made me laugh when I was in the first days after the break up.

www.laughhard.tristanx.com/

I read every durn page.
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hithere
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« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2013, 02:35:59 PM »

    

Excerpt
Another lonely friday, saturday and sunday night coming

That is your choice... .  you could probably come up with 100 things to do.
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Wooddragon
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« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2013, 03:00:03 PM »

It's awful trying to do "things" & engage with others socially when you feel disengaged from life, half dead inside & as if you are just going through the motions. I think the broken leg analogy is a good one. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way - like all things, it will pass. When I was really low, I planned imaginary holidays on the net - looked at hotels etc - places I wanted to go but he wasn't interested in - southern India, Sri Lanka. You can kill hours looking at restored old tea plantations now guesthouses & river boats etc etc. I will even do it next year I think! Hang in there - it will get better
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almostmarried

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« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2013, 03:18:13 PM »

I remember days and weeks when my BPD (w/NPD traits)-exwife was giving me the silent treatment... .  and I felt lonely,despite being in a "relationship".I remember especially one day,when I was walking alone (again) through S.D.,feeling totally down and watching other couples,happy couples, and then getting envious about them,for being so... .  "normal".

After the breakup with her I realized that nothing had changed.I feel lonely,now,alone... .  and I felt lonely in the relationship.

What kind of "relationship" was that?

Here is the answer:

It was all fake.No emotions from her side,no empathie,no love,no nothing.

It was always about her,her,her,her,her,her... .  then again her.

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hithere
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« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2013, 03:25:35 PM »

Excerpt
It's awful trying to do "things" & engage with others socially when you feel disengaged from life,

I agree it is not easy but there is scientific evidence supporting the credo:

Fake it till you make it!
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seeking balance
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« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2013, 03:42:28 PM »

I am going to share what I learned in spending these times alone.

I learned that I really am OK alone.  I learned that loneliness won't kill me.  I learned to actually like being alone as I revitalized my spirit, my energy my emotions.

I learned I don't need to depend on anyone else for my happiness.

As I let friends in, I learned which ones were energy vampires and which ones were good for my spirit.

Finally, when I started dating again - I realized early on, I don't "need" to be around anyone - I am ok alone, so I am able to look at a potential relationship through healthy "hole" eyes - not out of need or loneliness.

Embrace these weekends - cry, feel - they are important to healing.  It won't be like this forever and once you have had enough alone time, you will venture out into the real world again - a whole new world

Hang in there,

SB
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MakeItHappen
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« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2013, 04:01:39 PM »

It was all fake.No emotions from her side,no empathie,no love,no nothing.

It was always about her,her,her,her,her,her... .  then again her.

sorry to say but, you're right. i've been busy ALL week and here i am, friday night. sad to be alone but, knowing, being with her was more alone.

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MakeItHappen
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« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2013, 04:05:51 PM »

anyone have ideas on how to find what makes you "tick" again?

i spent so much time with my exBPD i am worn out and have forgotten what makes me tick... .  

i know it's temporary but, dang... .  it sucks.
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« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2013, 04:28:08 PM »

Hi Hamkrakow

I very clearly remember weekends at the beginning where I just felt awful. I do think it's important to feel the feelings and grieve the relationship that you lost. However bad the relationship got you lost the hope of a future and you have to grieve it. The only way out is through I'm afraid.

BUT one little big thing that helped me was forcing myself out just once during those weekends to connect with people. All my friends were busy with kids and families and I didn't want to be around people I knew. Just an interaction with a stranger at the checkout or smiling at a passing stranger helped me through. Humanity is a strong force and it helped me to just connect through little moments. And I walked, and that helped me more than anything.

Be kind to yourself. This takes time 

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broken but not beaten
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« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2013, 04:53:59 PM »

I agree with sb,I spend wkends alone but I embrace that time to look hard at myself. Admittedly I don't feel sociable right now but I go to work and function as normal as I can right now,that's ok to allow that of myself. As sb said I know I'm ok alone,I was before last r/ship and I will be after,it just takes time and we all heal differently and at our own pace. These experiences turn us upside down and inside out and sometimes alone time helps us to get our bearings again,just take each day as it comes,small steps at first and you will build yourself up gradually and come out stronger on the other side
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charred
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« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2013, 05:00:07 PM »

If you are going to ruminate on it anyway, why not do something constructive... .  I read Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth" on the recommendation of my T, it is on mindfulness exercises. You can learn to quit stressing out and ruminating about it, and start accepting and moving on. Its cheap and useful. If you can get away from being wrapped up in the past or worrying about the future... .  you can relax and be present, and stand a much better chance of finding your way toward a less lonely weekend... if not this one, maybe the next one.

I am in same place in a way, but am comfortable being alone or doing something now... and the pain is tiny compared to what it once was.
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Clearmind
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« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2013, 06:31:21 PM »

Finally, when I started dating again - I realized early on, I don't "need" to be around anyone - I am ok alone, so I am able to look at a potential relationship through healthy "hole" eyes - not out of need or loneliness.

Embrace these weekends - cry, feel - they are important to healing.  It won't be like this forever and once you have had enough alone time, you will venture out into the real world again - a whole new world

I agree with your entire post SB and especially this... .  It was my inability to be OK with me, and being alone that got me into a BPD r/s - he wanted me 24 x 7 and then some - I never felt alone in those early days - loved being idealised .

If we have the ability to be alone and be OK with it - we really do see r/s, friendships with a whole new perspective.

What also helped me was to fake til I made it - I pushed myself to go out on the occasion - create new memories for myself to replace those ones from my r/s. Unconsciously we can keep ourselves in a mode where we feel defeated - this is a state of mind.
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Cimbaruns
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« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2013, 06:46:49 PM »

I agree with Clearmind... .  

Sometimes we can keep ourselves in that "state" where we ruminate and are reluctant to feel what we are actually going through... .  

I think "acceptance " is key too... .  working on that and being in the moment with ALL that we are feeling... .  even the aloneness.

Also as Maria 1 said... .  sometimes just getting out and connecting with people we don't even really know... .  smiling... .  and/or paying it forward so to speak. I find this gets me to feeling really good about who I am... .  something that may have been missing when I was spending so much time and energy on my R/S with my exBPDw... .  

Make it a great weekend ... .  with even the littlest steps it'll lift your spirits... .  

Big hugs... .  
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LuckyEscapee
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« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2013, 06:56:32 PM »

Alone and healing vs not alone and hurting, essentially it's your choice.

Plus you're not exactly alone with all these caring responses 
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2013, 07:22:23 PM »

This is cheerful, if anybody does anything like this please post!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVVXtknZVf0

This one is SO Cool!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft8GNg4wyIk
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WT
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« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2013, 09:02:18 PM »

I wanted to throw my hat into the newly single mix and I also don't know what to do with myself during my free time.  Before I met my ex-gf, all of my close friends were single and lived nearby, so going out and hanging out with them wasn't a problem.  After 7+ years with my ex-gf, almost everyone is now in a long-term relationship or married but me, and I don't exactly want to be anyone's third wheel, so it's harder for me to hang out with them.  I also used to have a lot of single female friends that I liked to hang out with one-on-one platonically, but now they're all in long-term relationships as well.  I'm used to my ex-gf filling our weekends to the gills with activities, and now it's just me.  I'm ok with being alone, but I think that I need to figure out a way to meet new people to hang out with just to be social again.
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crashintome
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« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2013, 09:03:19 PM »

This is my first weekend after *yet another* split. 

It's sucks.  It's sad and lonely and I keep checking my phone and email. 

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Mountaineagle
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« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2013, 09:54:49 PM »

anyone have ideas on how to find what makes you "tick" again?

i spent so much time with my exBPD i am worn out and have forgotten what makes me tick... .  

i know it's temporary but, dang... .  it sucks.

Visit yourself in a time of your life where you where happy. What did you do? Why don't you do it anymore?

I went as far back to childhood, when I loved to play video games. The old me would find it silly to play video games again, but this has made me tick again. New video games are really advanced compared to then, but there is a indie "retro games" movement that is really cool. I have bought computer parts and plan to build a gaming pc. Never done that before. This project is my new hobby, and researching this has kept me occupied and saved me a lot of ruminating. The parts will arrive on tuesday and I am actually feeling excited again. This alone is worth the money for me, so everything else like getting a new pc will be a bonus!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It seems a waste of time first, but there is always something there in your past that has a spark to make you tick again. "Search and you shall find!"  Smiling (click to insert in post)

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LuckyEscapee
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« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2013, 10:14:46 PM »

At first I was so so tired and washed out. I slept for days. Then I buried myself in work. Then I realised in a random moment that whatever downer I was in, it wasn't the crazy crazy misery I had experienced and that should be celebration enough. I got a box, named it my celebration box (creative not) and would pop in things that I wanted to do. magazines to read, books, DVD box sets. Wine I wanted to enjoy, takeaway menus or recipes to try out. Then when I came home from work to an empty home, feeling lost and lonely I used to either do nothing happily or get something out of the box.

The trick for me was that I was 24/7 conditioned to meeting someone else's needs, to bringing a rare smile to his face, that in the process I had lost myself. I was forever in mode: what does he like? what does he want? I had to relearn what I liked/wanted from scratch almost.

What would you put in your box?
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charred
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« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2013, 12:29:09 AM »

I was married over 20 yrs... last really was out trying to get chicks probably 25 yrs ago... and the places I used to go... .  have been closed for years. Had to change my approach... online dating sights, friends of family, school, classes, work, meetups, non-drinking clubs of various types... basically being out doing something you enjoy doing anyway... so you are happy, confident and having a good time, where lots of ladies are... .  the rest just happens... .  forcing it and drinking and partying hard... .  okay for drunk one night stands... .  seems like good way to find another BPD person... .  the thought keeps me clear of it.
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maria1
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« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2013, 01:39:24 AM »

I know the phone thing too- that's an addiction that needs breaking and it's hard. The only way to do that is to put your phone away or turn it off. The checking is as much of an addiction as anything. We are looking for the intermittent reinforcement we constantly got before.

It's gone and we need to keep telling ourselves we don't want it back and why not. And distract ourselves with other, real, positive stuff.
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Iced
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« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2013, 04:06:19 AM »

Depression - and having absolutely NOTHING to do with anybody in my life either past or present - has been a familiar companion for me for some years now and I totally get the whole, 'half dead', 'walking zombie', 'barely functional at times' feelings.

It's so damned hard to DO things that you enjoy much less do things just for distraction and if the lack of familiarity (NC for example) is destabilizing, then you're also saddled with the whole, "How do I get over this?" feeling which have their own other related feelings.

I think most - if not all - of us have been through something like this.  I also know that a lot of us have also climbed back out of that place, too.

It's okay to feel like crap and it's okay to miss someone who meant (and possibly continues to mean) a lot to you and it's okay to cry, scream, and just FEEL how lousy it all makes you feel.

But don't let the feelings get you started on the hamster wheel.

Not related to my ARGHHH+Depressed feelings after NCing from my fwBPD, I have found that remembering, revisiting, and establishing hobbies and likes that are 'personal' and have little to nothing to do with other people (or rather, other people do not affect your enjoyment of said hobbies or likes because you like it simply because you do) can be helpful.

It's both something YOU enjoy (or previously enjoyed if you're depressed and have a hard time finding enjoyment in things) and something personal TO YOU.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2013, 06:46:36 AM »

At first I was so so tired and washed out. I slept for days. Then I buried myself in work. Then I realised in a random moment that whatever downer I was in, it wasn't the crazy crazy misery I had experienced and that should be celebration enough. I got a box, named it my celebration box (creative not) and would pop in things that I wanted to do. magazines to read, books, DVD box sets. Wine I wanted to enjoy, takeaway menus or recipes to try out. Then when I came home from work to an empty home, feeling lost and lonely I used to either do nothing happily or get something out of the box.

The trick for me was that I was 24/7 conditioned to meeting someone else's needs, to bringing a rare smile to his face, that in the process I had lost myself. I was forever in mode: what does he like? what does he want? I had to relearn what I liked/wanted from scratch almost.

What would you put in your box?

I'm currently doing the 'burying in work' method which solves issues while working. However ... it doesn't when you get back home. So I noticed quickly enough that its purely short term solution to this mess.

And btw, the loneliness I wrote down last night here, was because i was in NC with a (STILL AT THE TIME) r/s with my gf w BPD as we didn't discuss anything in regards of this. This morning at 7.55 I got an email from her that it's over for 'earlier discussed reasons' and that we shouldnt play around anymore in regards of what we have or what we 'dont have'. This was the last sentence of that mail;

I don't intend to crash you with mails like that, you should be strong and rational enough to know something like this was coming. If you are not well, too bad.

... since this morning when i read it i slipped into a worse modus. I've had enough of everything, especially of myself, that I allowed to let her walk over me and let my boundaries slip and let her rip me apart, physically, mentally in the pile of ~ i am right now...   :'(
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MakeItHappen
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« Reply #27 on: February 23, 2013, 07:48:16 AM »

I got a box, named it my celebration box (creative not) and would pop in things that I wanted to do. magazines to read, books, DVD box sets. Wine I wanted to enjoy, takeaway menus or recipes to try out. Then when I came home from work to an empty home, feeling lost and lonely I used to either do nothing happily or get something out of the box.

The trick for me was that I was 24/7 conditioned to meeting someone else's needs, to bringing a rare smile to his face, that in the process I had lost myself. I was forever in mode: what does he like? what does he want? I had to relearn what I liked/wanted from scratch almost.

What would you put in your box?

THIS is GREAT! Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experience.

Very good question too. Now I know what I'll be doing today.

Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Vegasskydiver
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« Reply #28 on: February 23, 2013, 10:03:14 AM »

After a full week of work, hours and hours of not having to think of the BPD person in our life, it has yet begun... weekend!

I just came home, after a week of barely thinking about her, but now yet again almost not being able to keep up my tears. I don't have the energy to do something else, it's another bed-sit-weekend hoping to get more emotionally healthy.

Anyone else? Never felt so lonely in my life man, blergh 

I feel your pain.  My week was busy too...   Thursday went to a court hearing because I had to ask that a protective order that I had against exBPDbf be extended for one year. My case is unique in that I was not in fear of physical violence, but my ex hacked into my computer and iphone.  He claims that his Special Ops Army friends have given him the ability to see everything that I do.  He has provided me with enough evidence that I believe that somehow he is doing this.  Anyhoo, my ex hired a lawyer to say that I have made this all up and is suing me for his attorney fees.  The judge laughed at him and dismissed the case but also denied the continuation of my protective order.  Mean while I have a computer forensics lab going through three years of data on my computer.  The process can take months.  I am exhausted to say the least.

Then why, when I have great friends and many things to keep me busy do I long for the very person who has cut me deeper than anyone else?  We broke up for the fourth time when he painted me black because I had just bought a new house and was caught up in the move and wasn't swooning over him.  He was so immature that he couldn't see that this was only temporary and even though I was busy,, it didn't mean that I didn't love him.  He did the same thing when my father died.  I asked for some time alone to mourn and his answer was "you obviously don't need me".  How selfish is that?  he had to make everything about him.

I know logically in my sound mind that no longer being in a relationship with this person is much more healthy... .  why can't I get my heart to beleive that as well?  It is making me question my own sanity



I have been NC for a month and I have been okay with that.  I have blocked his e-mail, phone calls, texts etc.  Why am I feeling so empty inside?
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LuckyEscapee
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« Reply #29 on: February 23, 2013, 03:32:43 PM »

Excerpt
... since this morning when i read it i slipped into a worse modus. I've had enough of everything, especially of myself

Sorry you are feeling this way. Sorry you got that mean communication. It isn't you. Believe me it isn't you!  This forum is here for you. 
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MakeItHappen
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« Reply #30 on: February 23, 2013, 03:50:31 PM »

Excerpt
... since this morning when i read it i slipped into a worse modus. I've had enough of everything, especially of myself

Sorry you are feeling this way. Sorry you got that mean communication. It isn't you. Believe me it isn't you!  This forum is here for you. 

IT IS NOT YOU! Do something for yourself today/tonight that always puts a smile on your face! IT IS NOT YOU!

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #31 on: February 23, 2013, 04:49:49 PM »

Excerpt
... since this morning when i read it i slipped into a worse modus. I've had enough of everything, especially of myself

Sorry you are feeling this way. Sorry you got that mean communication. It isn't you. Believe me it isn't you!  This forum is here for you. 

Thanks boys for cheering me up Smiling (click to insert in post) Well appreciated. I mean it!

And yeah, first thing that started was to blame myself, which was stupid, agreed.
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« Reply #32 on: February 23, 2013, 05:17:25 PM »

I wanted to throw my hat into the newly single mix and I also don't know what to do with myself during my free time.  Before I met my ex-gf, all of my close friends were single and lived nearby, so going out and hanging out with them wasn't a problem.  After 7+ years with my ex-gf, almost everyone is now in a long-term relationship or married but me, and I don't exactly want to be anyone's third wheel, so it's harder for me to hang out with them.  I also used to have a lot of single female friends that I liked to hang out with one-on-one platonically, but now they're all in long-term relationships as well.  I'm used to my ex-gf filling our weekends to the gills with activities, and now it's just me.  I'm ok with being alone, but I think that I need to figure out a way to meet new people to hang out with just to be social again.

Same here. Prior to the ex I had a large network of single peeps I could go do things with. Now I'm the only single one in that group and I don't want to be a third wheel so I have watched a lot of redbox movies but I'm ready to get out and meet some more single people again. Easier said than done.
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LuckyEscapee
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« Reply #33 on: February 23, 2013, 07:23:37 PM »

Excerpt
Thanks boys for cheering me up  Well appreciated. I mean it!

And yeah, first thing that started was to blame myself, which was stupid, agreed.

Ahem boys and girls  Us blaming ourselves is only natural, it is our self-reflection and self-awareness reaction. This is a usually positive attribute, except when dealing with BPD. It is not about us, it is about them. If only they could genuinely self reflect, instead of just reflecting and then deflecting others. They need the help, we need to heal.
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« Reply #34 on: February 23, 2013, 07:59:17 PM »

I know this feeling... .  

It's like, even though they had all the drama going on half the time, and you wished for a quiet life, you always remember the good things.

The cuddles in bed, the hanging out just round the house, the going out for breakfast on a Saturday morning, the going for a random drive somewhere, taking trips to the zoo... .  

All the stuff that just isn't any fun alone.

And that's it - the loneliness.

I think this isn't a reaction to losing a BPD ex but just a normal reaction to losing a partner... .  

The crazy thing, I was ALWAYS alone until I met her... .  was only with her just under a year - and yet now, the silence is deafening... .  I hate it!

My only suggestion is that every time you find something you want to do, e.g a book that takes your fancy, or a film you want to watch, write them all down on a list.  And when you feel alone and bored, get that list out and go do the stuff on it.

I'm sorry dude - it REALLY does suck. xxx
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« Reply #35 on: February 24, 2013, 06:57:45 AM »

Lot of things you could do to get back meeting people. There is meetup.com, it is where anyone can put together various activities with meetings, so if you like movies, you might find a group of people going to movies, or sports events, or hiking... .  whatever people in your area that want to meet other people come up with. You can even start a group on it, its free... .  in any large city there should be something happening... .  head for what sounds fun to you... for you, not with the intention of meeting the next gf, but getting friends back, and try a few before giving up, suspect you will enjoy it.
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« Reply #36 on: February 24, 2013, 10:43:59 AM »

It feels like you are being swallowed up by a black hole when you are alone. I had to find the things that comfort me and take care of myself. It takes time to feel like being by yourself is ok. I talk to friends and my mom for support. I do have kids and find comfort in them. I have moments when it hits me that im not with my BPD ex. The turmoil he put me thru, I just thank God im out of the relationship. You are not alone out there. Just be kind to yourself cause they certainly were not kind or are thinking of your pain.
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« Reply #37 on: February 24, 2013, 11:33:37 AM »

The quiet is hard to take. I was freaking out, and my T had me read "A New Earth" by Eckert Tolle... to learn the mindfulness stuff. Further reading on mindfulness led me to try what they suggested. Get in the now and mindful and explore the feelings and live them, not avoid or try to push them out of mind. My stress level fell off to nothing within about a week and it took about a month before I was really comfortable being alone with it quiet... well mostly quiet... I keep a radio or TV on just for the background sounds of people.

I think some of it may be codependency traits... I have always had a lot going on around me, was in school, had friends and my sister's friends or parents around, then had work activities and girlfriends and their social stuff... when I broke it off with my exBPDgf and didn't just jump to someone else (on purpose actually)... .  it in many ways is the first time as an adult I have spent much time alone... and it is taking a bit of work to get comfortable being in my own skin. I am realizing that the activity was always from someone or something else... not from me and my direct doing... I don't seek out people... they happened to be involved with the activities or other people in my life. Suspect that others run in to same thing... your pwBPD isolates you, keeps so much contact that you are irritated... .  but you also come to expect and need it... then when it stops and the silence is all about you... .  it isn't golden, its filled with despair... .  amplifying your pain.  Mindfulness helped me put it in perspective... .  having said that... I am probably jumping in my car and heading down to visit relatives for a few days,  as I have been around me longer than I can take.
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« Reply #38 on: February 25, 2013, 03:06:01 PM »

Hi harmkrakow

how was your last weekend? Are you okay?
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« Reply #39 on: February 25, 2013, 05:38:44 PM »

Hi harmkrakow

how was your last weekend? Are you okay?

My last weekend was not very good. My girl with BPD said last sunday she had enough, I got painted black again however she pointed out all the good things that happened and she mentioned she had a good time, I think about it a little different atm. I couldn't sleep, not Friday nor Saturday nor Sunday night and had a bit of alcohol to make me tipsy to fall asleep. And ofcourse, liters of crying. Liters, easily.

My biggest pain atm? The loneliness and the fact that, although im trying to restart life, I work 60h a week, but I notice that the hard work is not helping to detach, far from. I cried today in the office of the director of the floor  :'(. The guy was like   and ofcourse the lack of empathy and sheer sense of indifference of the girl with BPD is also very painful.

I'm currently located in a little hotel room so I can easily go to work 5 days a week and on Friday I can go back to my own place roughly 2.5h from work. It's the sheer loneliness and the fact that you can't talk to friends (as most are related to her) about  any of this.

You know the problem is? You just feel like your not worth it anymore. Worth to do something in life, as if she didn't want your help, although all you did was to help, you feel like you are not good enough for this world. So why continue?
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« Reply #40 on: February 25, 2013, 05:51:19 PM »

Excerpt
So why continue?

Because we care about you, and know it is not you.

We understand the highs the lows, and know it is not you.

Because it will get better, it absolutely will HarmKrakow

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« Reply #41 on: February 26, 2013, 02:37:46 AM »

You know the problem is? You just feel like your not worth it anymore. Worth to do something in life, as if she didn't want your help, although all you did was to help, you feel like you are not good enough for this world. So why continue?

Hey Harm,

You are more than good enough for this world. We all have a good heart, you know. Maybe even too good for our own sake... .  You were trying to help her, to give her a good life.

And you did, although it was just temporarily, because the disorder doesn't like to be happy for a long time... .  Don't put the blame on yourself, that's not the truth.

I have to admit I'm struggling myself with the same feelings and thoughts. But I know that I did all I could for her, loved her (and still love her), but I did keep some boundaries and she could not handle that. I was not prepared to give away my whole life for her, still I didn't know about BPD back then and I'm wondering what it would be like if I had known.

It's time to pick yourself up, do the things you like, search a T if you want to discuss all of your feelings.

You are worth it en you deserve a happy life, but it's up to you !
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« Reply #42 on: February 26, 2013, 07:15:23 AM »

So sorry to hear from your not so good weekend! 

I agree with you, detaching only by work is often not enough. Is there anything you can do during the week evenings? Little sport? CoDA-meetings?

And you need something for the weekends too. Little anchors back to life... .  
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« Reply #43 on: February 26, 2013, 07:48:39 AM »

That is quite the workload, Ham.  Is there anyway you can take a few days off?  Then perhaps a road trip.  Drive somewhere a day away, you are processing your thoughts but still seeing new scenery.  Like a three day of healing.  If not, schedule your time to work through stuff, an hour a night to stare at the wall, lie on the bed and get some of that toxic out.  Crying is such a blessing, I always feel better afterwards.  Then during the day you can tell yourself not now, that is scheduled for later this evening.  Kind of discipline yourself. I know it's hard! 
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« Reply #44 on: February 26, 2013, 04:18:22 PM »

That is quite the workload, Ham.  Is there anyway you can take a few days off?  Then perhaps a road trip.  Drive somewhere a day away, you are processing your thoughts but still seeing new scenery.  Like a three day of healing.  If not, schedule your time to work through stuff, an hour a night to stare at the wall, lie on the bed and get some of that toxic out.  Crying is such a blessing, I always feel better afterwards.  Then during the day you can tell yourself not now, that is scheduled for later this evening.  Kind of discipline yourself. I know it's hard! 

I took that workload to 'forget about my r/s w my BPD person. It in a way helps when work gets really stressful. It doesn't when I hear an emotional sound or when I see people wait at work for their gf to go for dinner for example.

The 'going away' part, somewhere completely desolate, alone is so hard. I do it, definitely. I go to places where I also shared them with my ex gf w BPD, purely to FILL these place with NEW memories ... so I won't struggle anymore to get back there again.

And yeah, the discipline is the issue as well at the moment. I have the discipline to wake up, do my 60h job, work my ass off, but I do it to forget about the rest. Seriously Surnia, the moment I already leave my desk it already spooks in my head with that BPD exgf. And then i'm not even out of the office yet!

And then back in bed, that fudged up feeling of, wth am I all doing it for? I can do this work till im 80, earn quite a bit of money and be a robot. But what for? I want to live atleast for something. Most of my colleages are all shallow 'finance' people, money and holidays. Thats it, I would like to have a bit more 'depth' in life Smiling (click to insert in post)

And yeah, every time I feel a bit emotional, I feel tears coming on and feel this urge of, ~ it, fingers crossed and hopefully I don't wake up the next morning, I look at this board. And no, like I said before. It's not like im suicidal, it's not like im depressed, it's not like i'm looking for a way out. None of that. I don't. But I do have this feeling where I wonder what the fudge do I do it all for? What for? I don't feel any pleasure in life. And then I just hope that some points I just hope i'm dreaming or so. Or just don't wake up.

So sorry to hear from your not so good weekend! 

I agree with you, detaching only by work is often not enough. Is there anything you can do during the week evenings? Little sport? CoDA-meetings?

And you need something for the weekends too. Little anchors back to life... .  

I try to, the problem is, I live in a hotel from Monday to Friday for work and in the weekend in my place 2.5h away. I don't really know anyone there. And yeah, I know the open doors, you lonely? Go out and meet people. You hungry? Go eat! You unhappy? Do something which makes you happy. And yeah, every time on Friday morning when I still have work I feel motivation of trying to do something on the weekend. The moment work is done on Friday ... and I sit in the train towards home, I can feel that sadness taking over and the moment ... the moment I'm back in the house, where I spent time with her, where she lied in my bed, where I still have clothes of her. I go numb...

Just energy less, like not the physical and mental power to stand up out of bed, be active, and go out and cheer up. I go look in the mirror and just find myself disgusting. I seriously feel the little ache in my body which tells me, please wake up, but it's such a small fire. So small... .  and i've never had this feeling before, and it's not like utterly depressed, or that I rage or am aggressive. No ... not at all. It's just, energy less, mentally as well. You don't feel that power in your body to say, hey let's go out! It's not there. It's just NOT there ... it isn't ... and then those wonders come again, wth do we do it for?

I do go to a shrink btw, two of them. They mainly tell me that there is nothing wrong with me besides the fact I staid waay to long with my influential other w BPD. And therefore they tell me, I lossed my boundaries, my self confidence and my motivation/target for life.

Excerpt
So why continue?

Because we care about you, and know it is not you.

We understand the highs the lows, and know it is not you.

Because it will get better, it absolutely will HarmKrakow

Cheers, you have no idea how big my smile was when I read it. I'm currently in a train towards my sleeping place. Fact is, every time I feel a bit emotional I try to tend out to check this board. Why? The utter realization that i'm not the crazy one for suffering so severe from a BPD r/s. Cuz seriously sometimes you really have that feeling you are all alone and the rest is all having awesome r/s...

You know the problem is? You just feel like your not worth it anymore. Worth to do something in life, as if she didn't want your help, although all you did was to help, you feel like you are not good enough for this world. So why continue?

Hey Harm,

You are more than good enough for this world. We all have a good heart, you know. Maybe even too good for our own sake... .  You were trying to help her, to give her a good life.

And you did, although it was just temporarily, because the disorder doesn't like to be happy for a long time... .  Don't put the blame on yourself, that's not the truth.

I have to admit I'm struggling myself with the same feelings and thoughts. But I know that I did all I could for her, loved her (and still love her), but I did keep some boundaries and she could not handle that. I was not prepared to give away my whole life for her, still I didn't know about BPD back then and I'm wondering what it would be like if I had known.

It's time to pick yourself up, do the things you like, search a T if you want to discuss all of your feelings.

You are worth it en you deserve a happy life, but it's up to you !

Due to the mirroring of my ex gf w BPD, there are not a lot of things I like, as she copied all the things I liked. Meaning I don't do them anymore. The good thing of a break up in a normal r/s, i would have things to do to get myself back on track :P Now, now I need to get myself some new 'pleasures' in life. It's hard man, cuz it took me years to develop my hobbies I had last few years .

Discipline ... I normally always had it, now it seemed to have dissapeared. And not because I don't seek it, because I unfortunately just don't care
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« Reply #45 on: February 26, 2013, 04:35:02 PM »

Last weekend moved my boyfriend - BPD out... .  very emotional.  This is going to be the first weekend alone.  My daughter's already informed me that she's going to be busy and gone all weekend which leaves me totally alone   Not sure what to do with myself.  It's hard because what friends I have left are married and obviously they have their "family" life.  I'm one of those people who won't even go to the movies by myself or eat out alone.  I guess the dog and I will be getting to know each other a whole lot better... .  
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« Reply #46 on: February 26, 2013, 06:00:46 PM »

Walk that dog Stolemysoul!

I'm into baking bread right now. In the early days I walked and I took myself to the DVD rental shop and got a film out just for me.

And I cried a lot.

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« Reply #47 on: February 26, 2013, 06:07:14 PM »

Firstly, if you are from Krakow - I went there a few weeks ago.  Beautiful place Smiling (click to insert in post)

I could relate to so much of this post, mainly:

"It's not like im suicidal, it's not like im depressed, it's not like i'm looking for a way out. None of that. I don't. But I do have this feeling where I wonder what the fudge do I do it all for? What for? I don't feel any pleasure in life. And then I just hope that some points I just hope i'm dreaming or so. Or just don't wake up"

and

":)ue to the mirroring of my ex gf w BPD, there are not a lot of things I like, as she copied all the things I liked. Meaning I don't do them anymore. The good thing of a break up in a normal r/s, i would have things to do to get myself back on track :P Now, now I need to get myself some new 'pleasures' in life. It's hard man, cuz it took me years to develop my hobbies I had last few years"

You really are NOT alone.  And I do have faith it WILL get better.  For all of us xxx
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« Reply #48 on: February 26, 2013, 06:10:05 PM »

Maria,

I love to bake too... .  I make the best banana bread ever but I also like to eat my baked goods... .  not always a good thing
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« Reply #49 on: February 26, 2013, 06:32:44 PM »

I know exactly what you mean! All the more incentive to walk! Seriously though I never used to like walking on my own but I love it now.
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« Reply #50 on: February 26, 2013, 07:03:30 PM »

Maria,

I am know widowed but when my husband was sick I started walking... .  I put in my headset and tuned the music really loud and totally tuned out the world.  I lost 20 lbs in the process of walking.  I now go to the gym and I am in the best shape ever... .  actually, I have my exBPD boyfriend to thank for that.  I love being in shape esp. for my age (50's) and it is a stress reducer for sure.
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« Reply #51 on: February 27, 2013, 12:24:01 AM »

Firstly, if you are from Krakow - I went there a few weeks ago.  Beautiful place Smiling (click to insert in post)

I could relate to so much of this post, mainly:

"It's not like im suicidal, it's not like im depressed, it's not like i'm looking for a way out. None of that. I don't. But I do have this feeling where I wonder what the fudge do I do it all for? What for? I don't feel any pleasure in life. And then I just hope that some points I just hope i'm dreaming or so. Or just don't wake up"

and

":)ue to the mirroring of my ex gf w BPD, there are not a lot of things I like, as she copied all the things I liked. Meaning I don't do them anymore. The good thing of a break up in a normal r/s, i would have things to do to get myself back on track :P Now, now I need to get myself some new 'pleasures' in life. It's hard man, cuz it took me years to develop my hobbies I had last few years"

You really are NOT alone.  And I do have faith it WILL get better.  For all of us xxx

I'm luckily not from there, ex is. And gimme some of that 'faith'. And even that 'faith' of saying it will go better. It's not about me having the faith or not, it's just the big, 'I don't care if I have the faith or not'.

And yeah, I come here to read the familiarity of my story and exactly realize, that although we all live spread around the entire world, we share similar stories and that I am not alone in the difficulties i'm facing. That, that feeling is very therapeutic. Serious, every weekend when I feel lonely and I slip in this vicious circle of feeling more lonely, and then cry, and then just not eat and just walk around with tears around my eyes (a thing she always told me were fake ... she never believed my tears). Then I open my laptop in bed and go read bpdfamily.
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« Reply #52 on: February 27, 2013, 06:32:43 AM »

I think the fact that we are all over the world connecting in this way is an amazing thing too - there is a lot of empathy & wisdom on these boards - something we have all lacked and craved in recent times I suspect. Charred mentioned ekhart tolle - his books have helped me as well. I have no other advice but to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better.

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« Reply #53 on: February 27, 2013, 03:19:46 PM »

Wow... .  I remember those days very well. Kinda like you are part of the walking dead. Sometimes I felt like the world was moving in slow motion and I was just a bystander. To make things worse I couldn't have cared less. This sense of wanting or needing isolation that you feel is not necessarily a bad thing. I like to call it self preservation. Sometimes you just need the time to be alone and lick your wounds. I can tell you that it does get better though. The feeling of being one of the walking dead does eventually lift and you enter the world of the living again. It's ok to feel down, it's ok to feel like you want to be alone. It's part of the healing process. These kinds of relationships when they end can have us second guessing everything that we do and have done. EVERYTHING. Sometimes it's a great opportunity to change the things we didn't have the courage or energy to change. This will not last forever. I stayed a memeber of the walking dead for about 1-2 months and then ever so slowly the blood started rushing back into my body and I started to breath again. You just need to exhale. Give it time.
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« Reply #54 on: February 27, 2013, 03:33:43 PM »

Ok Harm... .  

... .  weekend is fast approaching.

What do you plan to do this weekend? Yes you... .  it can be all about you for a change Smiling (click to insert in post) do you feel like doing anything in particular, or just some good ol' rest and recuperation?

Make your weekend home not a place of BPD memories, but remake it your haven away from work, your sanctuary.

Many of us gave been in your exact same spot, and we know too that things do get better with time and healing, so just take one weekend at a time 




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« Reply #55 on: February 28, 2013, 12:42:02 AM »

I agree with LuckyEscapee!

What about some changes in your appartement? Removing all the things from her in the cellar?

Give it a try! 
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« Reply #56 on: February 28, 2013, 02:14:09 AM »

Isn't it all so sad (& I'm the same) -  Finally got back in the workforce this week but it's like you live your weekends for work.  I used to work for my weekends I fully understand where your all coming from.  It's bad when work is your highlight of the week.
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« Reply #57 on: February 28, 2013, 07:58:33 AM »

It's bad when work is your highlight of the week.

I can relate to this so well!  I do appreciate being able to sleep in on the weekends.  That's my favorite part now.  Reading, too.  A couple weekends ago I spent a couple hours in Hobby Lobby.  I spent about 30 minutes looking at the stuff they make to put into doll houses.  Me and this random 7 year old girl were oohing and aaahing over the teeny furniture, little lamps, and accessories.  If any of you Dads have a little girl, check into doing this hobby with her.

Sorry for the tangent.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #58 on: February 28, 2013, 11:39:43 AM »

Isn't it all so sad (& I'm the same) -  Finally got back in the workforce this week but it's like you live your weekends for work.  I used to work for my weekends I fully understand where your all coming from.  It's bad when work is your highlight of the week.

I agree, I work in investment banking and the hours are madness. However the hit in your face is worse when you enter a lonely home. Living for work is no detachment and if not taken care off for years im sure one day you will burn into a huge midlife... Huuuuge.

And to be frankly honest, I don't even know what I work for Smiling (click to insert in post) (As I cry every 2/3 hours ... Due to the high pressure and wondering what is it all good for.)
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« Reply #59 on: February 28, 2013, 11:53:35 AM »

I agree with LuckyEscapee!

What about some changes in your appartement? Removing all the things from her in the cellar?

Give it a try! 

I think this is indeed a good start. Cellar ...

And yeah the weekend is approaching fast. Really fast… I don't have a lot of plans yet. Staid at a good friends place yesterday, it was all crying from there... The smallest thing can make me burst into tears. Self dignity and self confidence is so little. I don't have enough energy and sharpness to focus long enough on something.

And telling yourself, fight, fight, fight, fight! Works, but more like a placebo, because you quickly wonder, wth should I fight for? I guess to be truly genuine happy again? The problem is, the last time i could genuinly say i was happy feels like it was yeaaars ago and more important, it feels out of reach.
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« Reply #60 on: March 01, 2013, 12:47:19 AM »

Fight, fight, fight! Happy, happy, happy!

We are all in your corner 

Good idea from surnia. Counteract those triggers in your home by changing things up a bit. Move the furniture, turn things around. Change things up. Go shopping, buy things you really like. It's your safe haven Smiling (click to insert in post)

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« Reply #61 on: March 01, 2013, 12:57:38 AM »

Fight, fight, fight! Happy, happy, happy!

We are all in your corner 

Good idea from surnia. Counteract those triggers in your home by changing things up a bit. Move the furniture, turn things around. Change things up. Go shopping, buy things you really like. It's your safe haven Smiling (click to insert in post)

I needed that first sentence for today. Am currently in the train to work realizing that after today I hit back home, and the weekend, the fri-night, sat-night and sun-night are arriving.

Fight fight fight, I mean, for crying out loud, the moment i read your first line I already felt an emotional glitch in my eyes as I just don't feel a lot of strength. I don't unfortunately. I will do some shopping this weekend. I will, I have to. Thank you, and let's try to make something out of this weekend.

I mean, i'm already SO     ing dreading the saturday morning moment. It's like, okay, what shall we do now? The     ing sole loneliness, blergh.   I just really hope that tonight when I get back from work I don't hit myself with sleeping pills or some alcohol to make myself fall asleep as i'm superbly stressing currently. I sleep 3/4h straight and then wake up again. I don't sleep long hours anymore. I don't.

I mean, once on a saturday morning I was so dreading the loneliness and emptyness of 'saturday morning' that when I woke up at 8 and felt like all I wanted to do is cry in a corner was taking another sleeping pill and fell asleep again till 13.00 Smiling (click to insert in post) then I started my rituals as breakfast/shower etc, and then realized it was almost 6ish. Then realizing it's almost evening and almost sunday making me realize, weekend almost over.

Yay, i'm such a weakling sometimes.  :'( I've had it with feeling sorry for myself. I'd be the first to tell a friend to get of his lazy ass and do something. But now I realize that there are times in life, that there is no energy. No 'passion' from within yourself making your life 'with a purpose'.
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« Reply #62 on: March 02, 2013, 04:51:52 PM »

How's the weekend going?

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« Reply #63 on: March 02, 2013, 05:03:10 PM »

How's the weekend going?

Read my other topic I just posted about me just having a talk with my ex  :'(

Other than that, or better to say until that point my Saturday went actually quite good. I rested a lot, got her stuff away (cellar) and started reading the book of Eckhart Tolle, which won't be life changing from rock bottom to king but atleast an interesting read.

And thanks for the reply! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #64 on: March 03, 2013, 12:55:48 PM »

Do the exercises... they seem simple/pointless, but work... I am still amazed, my stress level has stayed low since doing the mindfulness stuff.

Its a start.
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« Reply #65 on: March 03, 2013, 02:11:19 PM »

Do the exercises... they seem simple/pointless, but work... I am still amazed, my stress level has stayed low since doing the mindfulness stuff.

Its a start.

Which exercises mate?
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« Reply #66 on: March 04, 2013, 12:31:25 AM »

Mindfulness exercises, thought they were in the Eckart Tolle books, but just looked and had trouble finding them in "A New Earth"... not sure where my other Tolle books are. Have a book "Rewire your brain for love" with a lot of mindfulness exercises.

The exercises I meant were the ones where you quiet your mind and pay attention to your breathing, the touch of whatever you are sitting on and all kinds of other in the moment things, just focusing on NOW, not any thoughts of stress, stuff in past, worries about future. Starts with just that... .  get to where you can be quiet/relaxed and not ruminating or worrying... that is a very important start.

Then you start meditating a little a few times a day, getting the noise, worry and tension out of your head, and being present, actually giving full attention to the people you are with, enjoying your surroundings and focusing on what is around you rather than worrying about what could happen, or fretting over things that did happen that over and past.  It is as simple as it sounds... .  but if you are stressed out, over a couple of weeks it can make a huge difference in dropping that stress level.

I have probably spent a few grand on a T since I started seeing one, and maybe $50 on mindfulness books and the books have made about as much difference as the T... very different results, the mindfulness has helped with reducing stress, stopping ruminating, and helping me be centered when dealing with my pwBPD... .  and the failed r/s.  My T has helped point me to mindfulness instead of anti-anxiety meds, understand how the r/s with my pwBPD was toxic, was un-winnable, and that the r/s was only one of my issues, I am digging in to problems I simply never dealt with ever in my life... and slowly making progress. I can say that I am comfortable being alone for the first time ever, I don't have to be dating someone, and I enjoy my company. Of course as soon as I started really feeling that way, I started dating ... .  but very slowly... even that is a change for me.

I will find the other books and point to exercises... or explain exactly what I am talking about, as they are really pretty simple.
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« Reply #67 on: March 04, 2013, 10:24:45 PM »

Hi Harm!

o

I relate to something in your posts. Maybe I am just reading myself into them but I feel I have to share my thoughts. I am currently in limbo as to what to do in life. I feel I have to do a reset in my life priorities. Planning on starting a new career, reeducate myself and totally change my life. There are so many changes going on inside me now. My definitions of reality, love and meaning clearly lack in several ways. Never dreamed in my worst nightmare that I would be in this painful place, and yet I walked the road straight to it.

Forgive me if I am totally off. You seem to question meaning in your work, and yearn for contact with deeper people. There may be some needs inside you, speaking to you, that you have not attended to. This is your chance to connect with that voice. Sometimes it just needs to be heard and sometimes it needs change, eigther small or drastical. Subconciously you already know what to do.

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« Reply #68 on: March 05, 2013, 01:42:29 PM »

Hi Harm!

o

I relate to something in your posts. Maybe I am just reading myself into them but I feel I have to share my thoughts. I am currently in limbo as to what to do in life. I feel I have to do a reset in my life priorities. Planning on starting a new career, reeducate myself and totally change my life. There are so many changes going on inside me now. My definitions of reality, love and meaning clearly lack in several ways. Never dreamed in my worst nightmare that I would be in this painful place, and yet I walked the road straight to it.

Forgive me if I am totally off. You seem to question meaning in your work, and yearn for contact with deeper people. There may be some needs inside you, speaking to you, that you have not attended to. This is your chance to connect with that voice. Sometimes it just needs to be heard and sometimes it needs change, eigther small or drastical. Subconciously you already know what to do.

I agree, I do search that, however, I do not really have (or don't feel if its there) a fall out base. A back up plan. I can restart, re-color my pages, but I don't feel like I know what I would do it for. I do feel like I have to reset my priorities, but I also feel like I don't care about the feelings. And the latter is stronger, I don't care. I simply don't care. That feeling, overtakes, slightly, day by day.

My definitions of almost everything got thrown out my book called 'life', I barely trust anyone anymore. Seeing people happy, seeing couples happy, or seeing people flirt are detrimental for my current state of mind.
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« Reply #69 on: March 05, 2013, 02:33:49 PM »



Harmkrakow, how are you?

You look very, very sad -  a hug 



I´m feeling panicked as the weekend approaches. Every Friday I have to calm myself and repeat: "it´s OK, it´s OK, you have a lot of things to do!" but it´s awful!

The solitude, the abandonment, the memories... .  ugh.

Last weekend I slept a lot, I played PC games and spent a day in my parents countryhouse. And it was not that bad but I ended signing in a "singles" web to make activities and singed for a jazz concert, a walk in the mountains, a book reading club... .  of course activities I didn´t attend to because at the end of the day I don´t really want to meet new people - I want my people to be near me and to ask me to go somewhere. But my friends are related, married, etc.

This weekend, my BPDexbf is going out with some mutual friends and I am not invited. I have to look for my own plans - I hate this.

PD traits  solitude

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« Reply #70 on: March 05, 2013, 02:41:33 PM »

Harmkrakow, how are you?

You look very, very sad -  a hug 



I´m feeling panicked as the weekend approaches. Every Friday I have to calm myself and repeat: "it´s OK, it´s OK, you have a lot of things to do!" but it´s awful!

The solitude, the abandonment, the memories... .  ugh.

Last weekend I slept a lot, I played PC games and spent a day in my parents countryhouse. And it was not that bad but I ended signing in a "singles" web to make activities and singed for a jazz concert, a walk in the mountains, a book reading club... .  of course activities I didn´t attend to because at the end of the day I don´t really want to meet new people - I want my people to be near me and to ask me to go somewhere. But my friends are related, married, etc.

This weekend, my BPDexbf is going out with some mutual friends and I am not invited. I have to look for my own plans - I hate this.

PD traits  solitude

Don't even start haha. I feel familiarity in your post. The 'its OK, it's OK' feeling. You know the moment it's Friday and i'm having drinks at work, it's still is okay. The moment, 5 meters BEFORE you exit I already hit that walk of emptiness and than it's still 2     ing hours before I get back home. Which at that time, I already lost all my hopes of having a productive weekend and do something productive.

Weekends blow, I try to get a bit tipsy on Friday so I don't have to 'think' to much on a Friday evening and wake up straight on Saturday around 11/12.

Other than that, my last weekend was by far the worst in years, even to such a extent that my father came and had a look. I never puke out food because i feel ~. Going to look on communities to make friends, new contacts? I don't have the energy and ... I have to admit, my self esteem is so low that I could not face another hit to the face in regards of rejection. I simply couldnt.
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« Reply #71 on: March 05, 2013, 03:17:04 PM »



Yes, exactly! When work ends on Friday... .    :'(

I wonder if there is a way to spend some time doing thing - online, I guess - with the people in this board? I mean, if everyone is lonely and depressed during the weekends - or holidays - maybe we could play some online games together or chat? Something very relaxed because our energy levels are so low.
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« Reply #72 on: March 06, 2013, 03:03:26 AM »

Sounds like a good idea, am involved now with online support group who consider themselves a social site, it's good but due to me living in Australia am often on there at the wrong times due to time differance.  They have games and you get friends similar to Facebook.  If that's not available here it certainly is elsewhere.   I find it good to bevon a number of sites, breaks the boredom a bit

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« Reply #73 on: March 06, 2013, 03:41:19 AM »

I think that is great idea also.  I find it quite therapeutic to hear what all the others bring to this board.  There is always someone with a story that is worse than the one you have it seems. 
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« Reply #74 on: March 06, 2013, 09:05:31 AM »

Definitely, giving support each other for difficult weekends, would be a good idea.

Time delay can be a problem for direct activity like gaming. Other possibility is sharing projects to prevent lonely frustrating weekends. Sometimes it is easier to follow projects when you share it. (Little bit like the homeworks with my T - less excuses to be inactive.  )
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« Reply #75 on: March 08, 2013, 01:05:57 AM »

Friday has yet again arrived. My only plan so far is to bring my ex stuff from the cellar to the dump and change my mail address. If anyone wants to chat, you send me a PM for details Smiling (click to insert in post). Venting stories works therapeutic.
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« Reply #76 on: March 08, 2013, 01:41:57 AM »

Hi harm   yes the weekend comes around fast. Glad you have one clean up plan, that's good. Plus your running, two plans perhaps? Catching up for a chat and vent, that's three plans 

Still not sure what I am doing. Been working shifts and so am feeling out of sorts. Feel like slouching out, and watching a few movies perhaps. Movies I choose, that I don't have to debate for three hours whether good or bad  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #77 on: March 08, 2013, 02:29:39 AM »

Hi harm   yes the weekend comes around fast. Glad you have one clean up plan, that's good. Plus your running, two plans perhaps? Catching up for a chat and vent, that's three plans 

Still not sure what I am doing. Been working shifts and so am feeling out of sorts. Feel like slouching out, and watching a few movies perhaps. Movies I choose, that I don't have to debate for three hours whether good or bad  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Yip, I want to burn ships behind me. Meaning trash from her goes away. And running and hopefully resting as well Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #78 on: March 08, 2013, 02:55:35 AM »

Excerpt
burn ships behind me

Never heard that term before. Learned something new today  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Clearing you space, reclaiming it back for you will be awesome and empowering   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

When I started to feel up to it, I moved my furniture all around, bought new bedding, new wine glasses, different cushions. It suddenly felt new and all for me. Like he hadn't tainted this  space, it felt like he'd never been to my 'new' place, and he wouldn't even recognise it  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

You're doing great mate. 
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« Reply #79 on: March 08, 2013, 11:50:19 AM »

Excerpt
burn ships behind me

Never heard that term before. Learned something new today  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Clearing you space, reclaiming it back for you will be awesome and empowering   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

When I started to feel up to it, I moved my furniture all around, bought new bedding, new wine glasses, different cushions. It suddenly felt new and all for me. Like he hadn't tainted this  space, it felt like he'd never been to my 'new' place, and he wouldn't even recognise it  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

You're doing great mate. 

In the train back home, blergh :Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post).

These tension bubbles in my stomach, why did i allow this to happen, she is not worth crying for, it makes me feel like i wasnt worth anything. It puts a knot in my stomach. My friday evening starts in an hour or 2 when im home.
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« Reply #80 on: March 08, 2013, 11:51:44 AM »

Burn ships behind you... I like that.

I have largely moved on from my pwBPD... still check her FB pages once in a while but the resemblance between how she acts and Jodi Arias... is scary enough to keep me away... .  and I have the stuff from us gone now.

Had a conversation last night with my exwife, to see if she really was sure we were 100% done as I was going to date other people... and it ended up being a long mixed thing... she cares/finally understands the reason why I ended up chasing after my pwBPD... is past wanting revenge... and is much happier than she was... feels like she needs T.

She did point out that I don't seem to have moved on from her yet, I have a few old TV sets (50" ones... ). still in my living room and lots of other things from when we were together and she said it is clear that when people are not really moving on from something they surround themselves in reminders... then she told me to get rid of it and move on.

Good advice.
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« Reply #81 on: March 08, 2013, 12:01:49 PM »

Burn ships behind you... I like that.

I have largely moved on from my pwBPD... still check her FB pages once in a while but the resemblance between how she acts and Jodi Arias... is scary enough to keep me away... .  and I have the stuff from us gone now.

Had a conversation last night with my exwife, to see if she really was sure we were 100% done as I was going to date other people... and it ended up being a long mixed thing... she cares/finally understands the reason why I ended up chasing after my pwBPD... is past wanting revenge... and is much happier than she was... feels like she needs T.

She did point out that I don't seem to have moved on from her yet, I have a few old TV sets (50" ones... ). still in my living room and lots of other things from when we were together and she said it is clear that when people are not really moving on from something they surround themselves in reminders... then she told me to get rid of it and move on.

Good advice.

I do think keeping stuff from the past doesnt neccesarily say whether or not you moved on. A healthy man should be able to look at his past and say, this is what ive done and learned.

besides some stuff you are more attached to than other things. I mean I had to throw away hair gel i was always using at her place, but im currently wearing a vest ai bought when I was wih her during the hatred fase.
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« Reply #82 on: March 08, 2013, 12:45:59 PM »

She meant the reminders being used as crutches... .  other gals would see the stuff and go what/why is that there? She used to get upset that I removed a lot of pictures of us... for opposite reason. I didn't get rid of the pictures, put them in an album and put them with my other albums of memories. When I was going through my divorce it took me forever to go through stuff she left... everything we had done replayed with each item... then when I was pretty over it... had a moving company box and take it all to her place.

It isn't the stuff anymore its more like PTSD... I feel anxiety about going out and doing things for myself... like I need to have permission of someone... and I am pretty sure it is from 3 yrs of being screamed and yelled at by both an exwife and pwBPD... feel like one of those abused timid dogs they show on TV to get money for shelters.

It is another weekend... trying to get enthused to venture out.
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« Reply #83 on: March 09, 2013, 03:19:47 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached the page limit and is now locked.  Feel free to pick one of the topics from the thread to start a new one.

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