By keeping in minimum contact with her and allowing myself to be triggered and hooked... . I apparently was kept around to serve her needs... .
Now that I have "closed the door" so to speak ... . she has clearly decided that I am not giving her what she wants... .
This is so, so familiar to me from my own recent experience with my uBPDxgf. I spun in this cycle for months, even though my T and Al-Anon sponsor told me repeatedly (and patiently) that she was using me; by then, there was negligible -- almost perfunctory -- reciprocity in the relationship.
I read so many times ... . Do it... . it's the only way... . and I can honestly say that even after this very short period of time... . it has been unbelievable... .
I feel like I can breathe... . finally
Now with each passing day I feel stronger... . and I am better able to start the process of ACCEPTANCE... . and finally able to start the painful process of grieving... .
Yes, being able to breath again -- what a blessed relief! And I started sleeping again. Going NC gave me space to accept, grieve, and heal.
It's great (and really helpful) to hear about your increasing clarity and strength!