Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
June 03, 2024, 04:06:51 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
What are the things you miss the most?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: What are the things you miss the most? (Read 391 times)
mango_flower
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689
What are the things you miss the most?
«
on:
February 23, 2013, 08:04:51 PM »
I've not had many relationships and this last one was my first serious one.
So I'm used to being on my own, but now I've had such an intense and crazy love, it feels so incredibly lonely and sad to be on my own again!
Some of the things I miss are just ones that everyone who has lost a partner will miss, such as:
Having a song that was "ours"
Driving late at night to get takeout, listening to music
Having somebody to cuddle up with at night
Having somebody there to talk about your day
But there are other things that are a little more BPD that I miss:
Being so idolized (I have really low self esteem and for the first time ever, I felt special)
Having flowers sent to work every month without fail, on the date of our anniversary
Having friends tell you that your partner (obviously now the ex!) spent 10 mins on the phone just talking about how much they love you
Having little notes/cards/presents bought for you every day as they were thinking of you when you weren't there (it's not about the gifts, but about feeling loved)
I dunno... .
I do miss it. I miss being loved and feeling so secure in that love, like she would never leave... . I miss feeling safe. I wake up every morning these days with anxiety and my stomach in knots... . I miss having her there to hold me close and make me feel like I was in our little bubble and our world was safe.
And now I know it was all just an illusion, and her world was probably more in turmoil than mine... .
I hate feeling like the whole thing was a lie.
Logged
mosaicbird
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 149
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #1 on:
February 23, 2013, 08:15:04 PM »
Quote from: mango_flower on February 23, 2013, 08:04:51 PM
I hate feeling like the whole thing was a lie.
Yeah.
I miss her laughter, and the private jokes. I miss how tight her jaw would get when she was angry, and how much I wanted to reach out and just make it better (even though I always failed and just made things worse). I miss the weight of her presence and spirit, and how she could be absolutely, completely focused on something. I miss feeling as though I was with the one person who lived in the same darkness I do, someone who was there with me holding my hand and never letting go. I miss her intelligence and insight. I miss so much.
Logged
mango_flower
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #2 on:
February 23, 2013, 08:20:48 PM »
BPD relationships are so intense, aren't they?
You said "I miss feeling as though I was with the one person who lived in the same darkness I do, someone who was there with me holding my hand and never letting go." (sorry I don't know how to quote!)
I totally agree with that - I miss being in our little bubble, like it was only the two of us that mattered in the world. She was my world. I miss US more than I miss her, if that makes sense? x
Logged
Cimbaruns
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 204
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #3 on:
February 23, 2013, 08:21:20 PM »
Yeah
I miss holding her hand... . and yes... . the thought of never letting go... .
So true. Mosaicbird... . :'(
Logged
WT
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 114
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #4 on:
February 23, 2013, 08:29:44 PM »
Quote from: mango_flower on February 23, 2013, 08:20:48 PM
BPD relationships are so intense, aren't they?
You said "I miss feeling as though I was with the one person who lived in the same darkness I do, someone who was there with me holding my hand and never letting go." (sorry I don't know how to quote!)
I totally agree with that - I miss being in our little bubble, like it was only the two of us that mattered in the world. She was my world. I miss US more than I miss her, if that makes sense? x
Yes, it totally makes sense, because "we" were the good times, but "she" was the bad times. I often wonder if I can ever trust myself to be in another intensely loving relationship even if the craziness hasn't started yet, because they say that passion always goes both ways. As much as I enjoyed our passionate love, the negatives of being with someone with BPD don't outweigh the positives.
Logged
mango_flower
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #5 on:
February 23, 2013, 08:37:31 PM »
Hi again WT - I totally get what you mean! The crazy-intense is amazing... . that feeling that you're the only 2 people in the world who matter - I went to see a psychic and she was spot on with how she described her, and our current situation. (Yes I have been going a little bit nuts since she left!).
The psychic said that this relationship will be the one that cuts deepest for me, and that my next relationship will be more stable and comfortable. She even used the phrase "Like a comfy old pair of slippers". I know I should be glad, but I don't want comfy, I want the crazy intensity of how I felt for her (without all the bad stuff!). But I'm scared she has broken me so badly that I will never love that deeply again - I know I will never trust! x
Logged
mosaicbird
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 149
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #6 on:
February 23, 2013, 09:46:37 PM »
Quote from: mango_flower on February 23, 2013, 08:20:48 PM
I totally agree with that - I miss being in our little bubble, like it was only the two of us that mattered in the world. She was my world. I miss US more than I miss her, if that makes sense?
It totally makes sense, and, at times, during past breaks, I think that's how I felt... I missed that strange, elemental, third-party that was Our Relationship. But now that I've lost her for good, now that I've been through this betrayal and all the accompanying rage and anger... I've come out on the other end realizing that it's her. That my love for her, individually, is unaffected by everything that happened. I just want to see her face, and the light that shines from her. Sigh. I love her terribly, and can never imagine having that kind of "us" with anyone else.
My other relationship is the "old comfy slippers" kind, and that's a good thing to have. But I still wish she could be a part of my life as well.
Logged
TheDude
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 227
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #7 on:
February 23, 2013, 09:48:43 PM »
I miss our dog.
Logged
WT
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 114
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #8 on:
February 23, 2013, 10:43:48 PM »
Quote from: mango_flower on February 23, 2013, 08:37:31 PM
Hi again WT - I totally get what you mean! The crazy-intense is amazing... . that feeling that you're the only 2 people in the world who matter - I went to see a psychic and she was spot on with how she described her, and our current situation. (Yes I have been going a little bit nuts since she left!).
The psychic said that this relationship will be the one that cuts deepest for me, and that my next relationship will be more stable and comfortable. She even used the phrase "Like a comfy old pair of slippers". I know I should be glad, but I don't want comfy, I want the crazy intensity of how I felt for her (without all the bad stuff!). But I'm scared she has broken me so badly that I will never love that deeply again - I know I will never trust! x
I think that the thing with pwBPD is that there's never a comfy old pair of slippers phase of the relationship. Everything always has to be intense and exciting, and once you're neither enabling their bad behavior or feeding their excitement, then that's when they decide that it's time to get rid of you and bring in the next person, which is basically what happened to me. I'm hoping that in my future relationship(s), there can still be that spark of chemistry that I felt with my ex, but that we can eventually settle into comfort and find joy doing even mundane things. Of course I'll still want excitement in my life, but I don't want the excitement to define my relationship anymore.
Logged
fakename
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 444
Re: What are the things you miss the most?
«
Reply #9 on:
February 23, 2013, 10:56:56 PM »
I miss her beating me and her crying. Both turned me on.
I don't miss that I couldn't live free - mentally.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
What are the things you miss the most?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...