Want to scream

[StrugglingMom76]

My dd17's lawyer told me she is being released from Jail tomorrow morning at 9am but I need to call the jail... .  they still do not see a release date in the computer but told me release times start at MIDNIGHT! What the heck I am a single mom with a 7 year old... .  how the heck am I supposed to go get her after midnight? I do not care what happens I am turning my phone off when I go to bed I am not dealing with this crap! I am about to LOSE IT!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Strugglingmom,

I have been following your posts as the story unfolds.  So sorry that you are dealing with all of this on your own.  It doesn't seem that there are any long term solutions for your at hand.  While it is good that your d will be going back to the crisis housing it doesn't appear that you believe that she will stay there long.  Is it a secure facility?  Or can she just walk out?

You are dealing with so much ongoing drama it is no wonder you are about to "lose it".  What can you do?  Take a deep breath and work on the most imediate need at the moment... .  finding out when your d will be released and what that will look like.  If you are not there will they just turn her out into the street?  17 is a tricky age when it comes to the law in many states.  Can you find out what will happen if she is released and you are not there?  Is there someone else who could pick her up should they release her in the wee hours of the morning?  Or can you have someone stay over with your son to allow you to pick up d and take her to the crisis center?

Thinking of you and wanting to give you a big   

lbj

[Being Mindful]

Hello Strugglingmom,

I hear all the pain, anger and frustration in your posts. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Lbj asks some really good questions. I also think that just looking at the immediate need for tonight is good advice.

I'm wondering too and I haven't gone back to the beginning of your posts, but is there some support you can draw from... .  friends, family, spiritual leader. Anyone that can help carry you through?

I am sending all good thoughts and prayers for you. If I could I'd give you this in person... .  

Being Mindful

P.S. I so remember the days (several times) and weeks (a couple times) that my 17 year old was on the run with strangers, drug addicts etc. It was horrible and very painful. We didn't abandon her, and we didn't give up but we did take days during this to not look for her and let the consequences fall where they may. Torture for us, but we got to a point where she needed to deal with the consequences of her decision. We also had to accept potential outcomes... .  pregnancy, STD's, death, arrest, drugs etc. I never want to repeat those days. I say this because I understand what you are going through.

I'm asking my God tonight to keep your child safe and that you, my dear can take comfort in that there are many here that care and support you.

[cfh]

Strugglingmom

I sure understand why you feel like you are losing it.

My ds is in jail in CO  and they told us his release date would be sometime April-June.

Last night we got a call from our lawyer that he is being released last night or today.

The drill is that they give them a check if there is any money in their account and they release them at anytime 24 hours a day.

My ds has no ID so he can't cash the check, he is homeless and too afraid to go into a shelter.

It's winter in CO and when he was arrested he had on sandals a t shirt and shorts.

So I flew out this morning and I'm waiting for the call that he is released.

I think it's a cruel system.

They should at least give the family a days notice before putting them back on the street.

If you can be there at least she will not be released to fend for herself.

My ds is going into court mandated treatment.

I hope the courts come up with a plan that will benefit your dd.

As for you... .  try to hold it together.  Call a good friend or family member and unload your troubles and fears.

Maybe there is a friend/ family that can stay with your son.  

[StrugglingMom76]

I guess I will go to jail if that is what is going to happen. I am done dragging my son out in the middle of the night. It is not fair and she assaulted me which is why she is in there and they are going to force me to pick her up? I am totally furious, pissed and DONE!

[StrugglingMom76]

And no I have no one to help me everyone has families of their own they cannot just drop everything and sit with my son until whatever time they choose to let her out. They have their own lives and problems and I have used up all my favors after many middle of the night stays in the ER while they searched for a bed for this kid trying to abuse the system to get her way, Everything is about her no one thinks even a second for my son. How is it fair that I have to drag him out of bed to get her? I am sick of dealing with this I am about to pack my bag and move away ... .  and not tell anyone where I am going I am just sick and tired of the system bending me over a barrel.

[Reality]

Yes, a brutally cruel system that wore me down... .  

Worn-down

Reality

[StrugglingMom76]

Well they let my dd17 out of Jail about 9:45am today, she called me from the lobby of the jail and asked me to come and pick her up from the Mcdonald's down the road. I asked her just to wait there because it is freezing out (we live in Michigan) and she said she was thirsty and that is where she was going. Well I drove all the way there and guess what she is now MIA  I just cannot believe how little help this system has been.

[sunshineplease]

It adds insult to injury to have the system let you down when you're up to your own eyeballs practically and emotionally. I hope your daughter is somewhere safe and warm and that you get the support you need and deserve.

[twojaybirds]

how sad for everyone.  I know your pain.  A psych hospital refused to treat my dd when she was living on the streets and walked in suicidal.  They put her out with no money, no ID... but she did have her blue cross insurance card... .  She then went MIA although she knew I was wanted her back home.

Aside from the pain, I think you need to think about a few things you said

you cant keep dragging your son out

you used up all favors because of her

It is always about her.

You have the power to change that.  You can make it about you and your son.

You told youe dd you were on your way.  She opted not to wait.

Remember this next time.

We can do all we can and still they do what they want when they want

take care of yourself and your son.

[griz]

I almost find it impossible to comprehend just how little the system helps those with MI or supports their families. When does will the world understand mental illness is not different than physical illness.  Would you put a physically ill person out on their own. Would you put someone with a handicap out on the street and tell them to go fend for themselves.  It makes me so angry I could scream. 

I hope your daughter is somewhere safe and that some how you get some support.  Please take care of yourself and your son.

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[StrugglingMom76]

She is still gone, no one has seen or heard a word from her, she has not been on her facebook either which is totally unusual  I am scared for her and basically out of my mind with worry  :'(

[qcarolr]

My heart is with you tonight. This is the worst fear, not knowing anything and her pattern of being on facebook missing. Do you have access to her cell phone account? Is her phone being used? Can you contact the police again, speaking as calmly as possible with this change in her patterns - ie. facebook?

I know this is so hard for you. Remind yourself - she finds herself with someone. She is most likely inside somewhere and is OK.

I am keeping you and your D in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Is there anyone that can be with you this weekend while you wait this out. It is so hard to be alone, esp. when needing to be reassuring for your s.

qcr