A relationship that could "end well"

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I've said this before, but never has it been more relevant than it was in my relationship with my exwBPD.   I want to be in a relationship I could see "ending well".   I've had 6 long-term relationships since high school (I'm 37).  I'm defining "long term" as more than a year.   I could provide a reference  list containing 5 of those people and, if asked, they would have generally good things to say about me.   Something along the lines of,  "Things didn't work out in the end, but I still like sunrising".   As a matter of fact, I am still at least friendly with all of them.  I have no desire to have an intimate relationship with any of them (though I think 2-3 of them would consider that with me), but we can all still talk in a friendly way if we somehow wind up in contact. 

Then there's my exwBPD.   We're only a month in, but she will openly say she has "lots of anger and resentment" toward me.   The irony, of course, is that I tried WAY harder with her than any of the rest.   I was overly attentive, very sensitive to her insecurities, etc.  The worst part?... .    I knew early on there was no way out relationship would "end well".   

While there is much more to analyzing the merit of an intimate relationship, I think I am going to keep "could this end well" in mind from now on and lend the answer more credence. 

Did anyone else know "it wouldn't end well"?

[sunrising]

I've said this before, but never has it been more relevant than it was in my relationship with my exwBPD.   I want to be in a relationship I could see "ending well".   I've had 6 long-term relationships since high school (I'm 37).  I'm defining "long term" as more than a year.   I could provide a reference  list containing 5 of those people and, if asked, they would have generally good things to say about me.   Something along the lines of,  "Things didn't work out in the end, but I still like sunrising".   As a matter of fact, I am still at least friendly with all of them.  I have no desire to have an intimate relationship with any of them (though I think 2-3 of them would consider that with me), but we can all still talk in a friendly way if we somehow wind up in contact. 

Then there's my exwBPD.   We're only a month in, but she will openly say she has "lots of anger and resentment" toward me.   The irony, of course, is that I tried WAY harder with her than any of the rest.   I was overly attentive, very sensitive to her insecurities, etc.  The worst part?... .    I knew early on there was no way out relationship would "end well".   

While there is much more to analyzing the merit of an intimate relationship, I think I am going to keep "could this end well" in mind from now on and lend the answer more credence. 

Did anyone else know "it wouldn't end well"?

[Tormenta]

That sounds really healty, I think. I mean, you tried -  a lot - during a month and then noticed that the r/s couldn´t go well - so it´s over. Is it?

I saw a lot of   and still I thought that it didn´t matter, that we could do it together anyway.

[mango_flower]

Nope, I never thought we'd end.  I was never going to give up on her, ever.  It was her choice.

We always talked about how we'd never split up, but if we did, we'd stay best friends.

Though some days I could quite easily strangle her, I know we're still cool.

If I put appropriate boundaries in place, then I protect myself but am still "there for her" so I don't think we ended badly, even though there was a lot of heartache on both sides.

It's good you've had other relationships to compare to, that must help in a way? x

[sunrising]

That sounds really healty, I think. I mean, you tried -  a lot - during a month and then noticed that the r/s couldn´t go well - so it´s over. Is it?

We're a month into being broken up.  We were together over 2 years.   I tried really hard during that time, to no avail.  I now understand there is no amount of "trying" I could have done that would have worked.

Nope, I never thought we'd end.  I was never going to give up on her, ever.  It was her choice.

We always talked about how we'd never split up, but if we did, we'd stay best friends.

Though some days I could quite easily strangle her, I know we're still cool.

If I put appropriate boundaries in place, then I protect myself but am still "there for her" so I don't think we ended badly, even though there was a lot of heartache on both sides.

It's good you've had other relationships to compare to, that must help in a way? x

I never thought we'd end either.  I now understand I was living a fantasy, because the reality is the relationship was absolutely going to end, and not well. 

It does help to look back in other relationships.  They obviously ended too, but they were infinitely healthier than the r/s I had with my exwBPD.  This suggests to me that I am capable of a generally healthy relationship.