How long does idealization last?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

How long does the phase last and what ends it?

I remember from the very beginning my ex was picking at me and yelling at at me.

Also, when she recycled me did a new idealization phase begin each time or was it more to soothe her pain from whomever she broke up with?

[fakename]

How long does the phase last and what ends it?

I remember from the very beginning my ex was picking at me and yelling at at me.

Also, when she recycled me did a new idealization phase begin each time or was it more to soothe her pain from whomever she broke up with?

[hithere]

You hear all kinds of time-frames for this phase.  Mine was around 5 months and it faded slowly until we had a crisis that is when she first blew up and everything went down hill, that was about 8 months into the relationship.

On recycles the idealization did come back and it also came back sporadicly during the relationship.  After the initial phase to hook me the times it came back it was almost like she was trying to convince herself that I was good again (after being painted black) - it was like she was trying to negotiate with herself so she could give me what I need to keep me in the relationship.

Over time idealization came less and less and lasted for shorter periods.

[FogLight]

The honeymoon period with my ex lasted about 3 months before turning into hate fest.  The idealization returned several times, usually if I tried to dump her but then took her back.  This would usually last about a month before the rages really started back up.  I do not believe the idealization is like some sneaky tool they use to get their claws in us.  They genuinely do idealize us, though they may exaggerate in what they say to make us feel good about ourselves, but I think that's more to do with them and their need for approval/acceptance.

Also, when she recycled me did a new idealization phase begin each time or was it more to soothe her pain from whomever she broke up with?

One of the false beliefs of a pwBPD is "feelings are facts."  So if being with you did make her feel better and soothe her as you say, then it's likely she associated you with that feeling, which means you must be all good.  It's like anytime I took my ex back after trying to break up with her, she would be relieved and feel better, therefore I must be all good, and the idealization would happen again.  It was a very sick cycle.

[Vatz]

Three months. Then she proposed an open relationship. Eventually that idea got dropped (the potential other guy didn't want to get involved in any of that, she didn't drop it herself.)

Then there was white for a few months. Then black for the rest of the year. Second year was black/white, then she cheated. After that she would paint me white and cheat again. I noticed that the affairs only became more frequent.

I guess idealization stages vary.

[LuckyEscapee]

Three months fantastic, three months ok, the rest a complete nightmare!

[healingmyheart]

Hmm, seems were great til I questioned him about lying to me approx. 5 months into our relationship.  Things started to falter some then but wasn't really until a fight over the lies again which was 5 months later than he painted me black and reached out and had his emotional affairs.  Although I did notice prior to that that he had changed somewhat... .  not as loving... .  more distant... .  not wanting to do "everything" with me like in the beginning. 

the trigger was definitely confronting him about the lies which I couldn't live with.  I think the honeymoon period varies for everyone depending upon their circumstances.

[GustheDog]

I wish it lasted only 3 months.  If you include the clinging phase under "Idealization" (which I think makes sense because she was still treating me like a god, even if increasingly demanding more and more miracles), then I was idealized for over 2 years.

It was a pretty long fall when she kicked out that pedestal.

[Wooddragon]

4 months - things changed while he was away on an OS trip without me. He got stranded in KL on his own for a couple of days & the tone of his emails changed after that & soon after he came back the rages began. With hindsight I guess he probably cheated on me & needed to feel better about himself by painting me black

[honesty2013]

5 months amazing

2 months decent or ok

1 month of hell

[j4c]

It actually took my ex 10 days to RAGE at me over the phone! It was probably the worst anyone has ever spoke to me in my 38 years on this Earth! Major major  but I put it down to a misunderstanding! What a fool I was!

She soon went back to idolizing me though and it continued that way for the next 3 months apart from 2 other bust-ups, ironically on her birthday & valentines day (after i'd treated her like Royalty)! We were only tgether 5 months but I'd pretty much moved in after 3 weeks so im certain that had an influence on the length of the idealisation period.

Once we got past that 3 months stage she got to the point where she'd rage at me over something petty at least once a week to where i'd keep storming out. I probably stormed out 6 times in our last month together but i was totally unaware of BPD at that time so I took it as her being a selfish, ungrateful btch!