He's relentless

[healingmyheart]

Ok, so I've kicked my ex BPD boyfriend out almost two weeks ago after finding evidence of emotional affairs.  I also dealt with control, manipulation, verbal abuse and of course the lies and deceit of the affairs.  I've explained in every way possible "Our relationship is over".

He continues to text. If I don't respond he moves onto email.  Of course I don't respond yet again so he continues on to facebook and messages me there.  It just baffles me as to what he says... .  he seems to be getting pissed now.  He says that I continue to ignore him matter his need, inquiry or "loving" plea. He says that he realizes that I "want and need and have control"... .  boy, that must be hard for him since he likes to control me. He says that I am trying to "punish him" and he doesn't understand since he has begged for forgiveness.  Of yeah, he has never been as "bitter' to anyone as I am to him for ignoring him. He then says he will never make the same mistakes and will be a better man... .  "we were the perfect couple that many envied"

My counselor says to NOT respond so I don't but it's so hard sometimes not to reach out and say, You jerk, you had your chance with me and you blew it!  I thought we had everything, love, respect, trust... .  only to find out it was a LIE!  I loved him so much and BELIEVED in him... .  I BELIEVED in us!  So, he just thinks he can say "I'm sorry and everything is ok".  I don't think so.  I'm so grateful I understand the cycle of BPD or I would probably rebound back to him without realizing that he can't control his impulsivity and will once again go back to his emotional affairs.  Actually, before BPD... .  I took the affairs very personal.  The very person who introduced us who btw is very married, is one of the main affairs he was having... .  so very hurtful (hey, with friends like that, who needs enemies, right).  Now that I understand that it really is just a disorder which causes him to be dysfunctional, I truly can release the pain I was feeling and move forward.  

[sunrising]

My counselor says to NOT respond so I don't but it's so hard sometimes 

I struggled with this too, until I took steps to BLOCK all the communication. My exwBPD couldn't call, text, email or Facebook me.  Problem solved... .   

[LoveNotWar]

My exBPDh still tries to reel me in with email messages (restraining order prevents text, phone etc.) since he had an attorney for our divorce I sent them all on to her, cc-ing his criminal attorney and my ex, and said I would only  accept and reply to emails regarding our yet to be settled property matters. I explained to the divorce attorney privately that my ex really didn't care about me or my opinion, he was only trying to suck me back in and exert control over the very few matters we had yet to settle.

He STILL sends emails a couple times a week but I no longer let myself believe its because he cares about me or the r/s. It's not because he can't bare to live without me. It's because he can't stand the thought that I am living well without him! 

[Cumulus]

Normal behaviour from my xBPDh. Try to charm me, build me up, that doesn't work, try to show me how much I need him, that doesn't work, try to make me feel guilty because he can't help the way he is, that doesn't work, get angry, tell me what all I've done wrong, that doesn't work, repeat.

Blocking means you have made the decision to completely end the relationship. Are you ready?

[healingmyheart]

sunrising, You're right, I should block.  I think I'm still at the love/hate phase.  I hate getting them but I love getting them... .  my counselor says its because I'm still "addicted" to him.

LoveNotWar, You are right, the emails are never about us and caring about you.  It's about meeting their needs... .  it always is.  In the emails I've received the past two weeks, its never "How are you doing", or "I Miss you and I'm worried about you".  Its always about him and how I'm doing him wrong now since I refuse to talk to him.  It's him saying ":)on't you miss me?"  ":)on't you want me?"  Well, quite frankly, not anymore... .  

Cumulus, Good question, am I ready?  I'm getting there... .  I know I don't want him back ever as a partner... .  sometimes I think I wouldn't mind being a friend but that's probably stupid to even think that.  He'll get a girlfriend down the road and try to have an emotional affair with me during that time... .  craziness, isn't it?  I still like the emails because it kinda gives me an idea where he is emotionally but sadly I can see he isn't letting go yet.  I think when he does, its going to be hard for me because that will mean that he's moved on to someone else.  Actually I know I should be happy if he does but it's still a lose... .  be it a good one or not.

[Cumulus]

Took me awhile too stolemysoul. I thought it was a way to keep watching out for him. Of course then I had to consider would I get involved to help him out if he needed it. When I figured out the answer had to be no, that's when I was able to let it go and block communication. It was a good day when I got there. All the best.

[sunrising]

I still like the emails because it kinda gives me an idea where he is emotionally but sadly I can see he isn't letting go yet.  I think when he does, its going to be hard for me because that will mean that he's moved on to someone else.  Actually I know I should be happy if he does but it's still a lose... .  be it a good one or not.

This is all the more reason to block now.   Do you really want to know when he moves on to someone else?   I'm not talking about your curiosity, but what you know is best for you.    I'm curious every day about what my ex is up to, but I know that finding out, in any detail, won't be good for me.    Wise mind... .