The last few weeks - Update

[Foreverhopefull]

It's been a while since I last posted. Let's say that I was in a very dark period myself. I was feeling completely overwhelmed by life in general, the level of stress our financial state was in and everything else. I needed to step back.

So what's been going on, let's start with the positive, my dBPDh was accepted for disability benefits, and we started getting some of the back pay, so that's one major relief and my stress levels just dropped considerably (getting 25$ worth of groceries for 2 weeks for 2 adults and 1 dog is asking a person to be more than creative... .  just saying).

The rest is just a prelude that started my husband's fall from the wagon.

1. My grand-father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has chosen to not get treatment and move into my mother's home (5 min from my house) so mom and I can care for him (we are the only ones caring for him as it is right now, except we have a 45 min drive right now). My husband has always cared for my grand-pa as his own, so this news of very hurtful for him too, and he's worried about me when my grand-pa's health gets worst and he passes away (I'm extremely close to my grand-pa)

2. My mom is awaiting to know just how advanced is her 2nd breast cancer. Again he worries about my mother (she's been in his life longer than his own mom) and me.

3. These news made him push himself of the sober wagon. He started drinking daily for the pass 2 weeks (not his 24+ like before he stopped, but 1 is too much anyway). It's already a challenge for him to stay sober since he actually loves the taste of beer (which is his alcohol of choice).

4. His drinking is hurting his good relationship with his therapist. It seems she told him yesterday that he isn't progressing and he is actually digressing right now* (*I'm awaiting a return call from his therapist, I want to make sure that this is the correct info and see what I can do to help her therapy plan for him). Proud moment for me though, he tried to get me to react by responding to my "You bought beer again?" question with " Yeah so, what's your problem with that?". All I responded is " You know my opinion on it. I don't need to repeat myself." and walked away.

5. He is constantly moody (no security issue for me), depressed and unstable which is a direct impact from his drinking and trying to talk to him about it is useless right now. He wish to die is increased by ten-folds right now, so any side effects of his drinking convinces him to drink more.

My approach to him right now is no confrontation (if I take a side, he will run with it and I will either be evil or be the most amazing wife alive.); look out for myself (eating better, not giving into emotional eating (my #1 weakness), taking walks, etc); look into my action plan for my grand-pa's move and care and mom's cancer. I'm trying to be the most stable I can be, not get sucked into being implicated or being the savoir.

Right now the only thing I did was asked how the appointment went (like I always do), remind him of a scheduling conflict for his next appointment and when he talked about his T threatening to dump him (which is where I want her version knowing how much they can distort things we say) I asked if he talked about the news and the effects on him we got in the last few weeks (Nope) and the plan he has for the weekend (going to a very busy dog park) (my challenge will be that he is doing it sober) and that he's the one that was the first to talk about moving furniture and things around my mom's house for my grand-pa's arrival and his move, again he didn't. Apparently she didn't let him talk, she was too busy giving him ___.

So my next action is talk to her, see what I can do to help her in her treatment plan for him and if she thinks that we should force him into in patient treatment (get a court request or what ever else).

I know he's always saying that if I lose weight, he's going to quit drinking. So, for me first, I'm officially on a better health plan. I'm not going to start telling him anything, I will just do it and see what's his reaction. Maybe I can get him to quit without saying a freaking word.

So that's pretty much it for me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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