help

[tryingtohelp]

It is 5 years to the day since I met my dBPD SO , I don't live with her , I care about her and her child as if they were my own family and are the nearest I have to this.We normally communicate on a daily basis , and she comes and stays each week. Trying to cope with her and her behaviour has been more than anyone could reasonably deal with, but I'm still here for her.

She has de-railed my life in many ways, I have 5 highly recommended books on BPD (and have read them all) , I have sought counselling from a specialist who trains counsellors and who has had years of experience with BPD, I have done all I can to try to understand as much as possible about this condition to try and get alongside her as a friend to help both of us and still I often feel I have made little progress.  I sometimes wonder is it even possible to be friends with someone with BPD ?   

  I have endured the most hurtful and atrocious behaviour from her that I have ever experienced in my life !   Some of the behaviour seems to go in cycles, relative calm and order to total insanity.     Recently after a calm period we went on a short holiday which was enjoyable for all three of us, no stress and a fun get away.   Two days after returning, she started to push me away, and over the last four weeks has stepped this up till finally sending a series of texts saying 'stay away from us forever'  GO AWAY and many other messages similar.  She even excluded me from her child's birthday , I have been there for all of them since he was born.

I stopped all communication and exactly a week later received a surprise message saying 'Hello how are you ? xxx '    I replied but have heard nothing since ,  should I dare to try and contact her ?  Should I just give her more time and not try to message her in the meantime ?  I am losing confidence to even think of what to say to her in case it's wrong!  How many people in the real world would even bother ?   

It's just so hard.   

                                                                               

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi, it sure is hard and I'm sorry you're feeling down and that you've gone through such a tough time 

Maybe you should do whatever you want to do? I don't know the best thing to do. It seems to me that we can get too caught up in what we "should" do in response to their bewildering and hurtful behaviour. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes not, sometimes I really try to use the tools the best way possible, and sometimes I do whatever is best for me whether that is good for him or not.

Don't lose confidence in yourself! And don't beat yourself up. We all struggle with this. And anyway, sometimes there is no right thing to say. If you're painted black, you're painted black. Not much to do about it. Go with what's best for you!