How do you decrease a trigger reaction?

[crazylife]

i first would like to thank all of you for sharing your experiences and wisdom that I am sure was a painful lesson to gain. I have been doing well with SET however I have started it when he was in a better place. I sometimes feel like if I knew more about the REAL childhood my husband had, it might help me to know how to cope ahead so I can make things easier forus both.

I know his mom is a trigger as he says "All women are evil." I also know mom was a nurse who worked 3-11, mom attempted suicide in some violent ways and finally succeeded by hanging hanging herself in his dad's closet the day he got a full football  scholarship to college. He doesnt recall any of the attempts, but his  grandmother told me prior to grandmother's death.

Whenever I have any sort of health problem he is triggered and totally ignores things like the fact I cant walk because of my knee.

So we got our son for 2 nights-(21 year old with autism and DD)  Thursday night. Just before we left  to go to get him-1 hour away I realized the perirectal abcess I had 3 years ago had come back. Lots of swelling and pain down there. Front and back... I mentioned as we stopped for dinner I could not sit  in an unpadded chair. He rolled his eyes and I just ingored him.I insisted on waiting for the soft seat but luckily there was a pinball machine so that worked out.

Woek  up yesterday morning and it had gotten worse. Despite the fact he wont touch  meat all, anywhere, I made him fell the place and then said I need to go to ER to get it lanced. (no health insurance)He went to work with the  understanding he would return before lunch and drive me, drop  me off and my mom would get me till he could come pick me up.

I went and thanks to Obamacare  and no insurance they would not lance it and gave me double double strength antibiotics and  lortab 7.5. 

So my son needs to go back  today and he is angry that i will not take him. I might add  I drive a little 21 year old roadster convertible,,not easy to get in and  out of when your backside is on fire,  much less sitting for 2 plus hours. My uBPDh also agreed to stay with 90 year old uncle overnight tonight so I am sure he isnt happy about that. he wont tell them no and then it is my fault.

I dont want to blow the progress I think I have made but I just dont feel well enough to deal with him.

Any suggestions. I absolutely wont drive, between the pain pills and the swelling and pain,it is not an option.