how did you afford your divorce - and did you have a custody eval, psych, etc?

[momtara]

Hi.  I have been trying to keep my divorce from getting expensive, but we have 2 young kids and my husband has BPD and can behave erratically.  To get a psych eval and open a potential can of worms (and go bankrupt), or not?  Did you all deal with this?  How did you afford it?  I'm told it will run us $5-$10k

[marbleloser]

I'm still dealing with it.About $8k in and soon to be $10K,and I feel like I've accomplished very little actually.The only advice I can give is,you do what you can.Drop all unnecessary expenses,get loans,borrow from family,etc.,,

The way I look at it is that this is the fight of our life.My credit's going to take a huge hit.It bothers me tremendously,but in the overall picture it's our childrens lives and well-being at stake.Credit can be rebuilt.Loans repaid.But,we only have a small window of time in our childrens lives before they're grown.Do we want to be a positive influence to them,so that they grow to be good and honest people? If so,we have to fight for that right or take a chance in being pushed aside.

[momtara]

What has happened so far?  Are you dealing with custody and psych evals?

[marbleloser]

It's been 6 months since she was served.The only thing done so far is she's been deposed,and filed a false contempt charge that her lawyer dismissed in the courtroom.Next month there is a medical expert deposition as well.We can't go before the judge until at least that is done,because he's only going to want to hear it once.

[Forward2free]

You can make more money, you can't always repair emotional and physical damage.

Your kids need you to fight for them and I guess we all know deep down that it is that serious, or we wouldn't ever choose to be David against Golliath.

[marbleloser]

A psych eval is expensive and if you ask for it,you pretty much pay for it,and you have to submit to one also.That's a last resort,but it's doable.

[livednlearned]

I am 2.5 years from date of separation, and have spent a little over $35K. About to go over that in the upcoming months -- I've filed for sole legal custody and expect the prep and hearing to be roughly $5K, so pretty soon I'll be at $40K. I figure it's cost me about $1300 a month since date of separation.

We have had mediation, depositions, two hearings, and have a parenting coordinator. We've had three different court orders. I've filed 6 motions, and N/BPDx has filed 4.

I paid extra (on top of the $40K) for a real estate attorney I needed to hire recently for help with the refinance.

N/BPDx paid for mediation. I paid for the deposition and transcription. We paid the cost of the parenting coordinator 25/75 according to our income differential.

We haven't had a custody evaluation, but N/BPDx had a psych eval and he paid for that.

My parents paid the original $5K retainer so that it wouldn't show on any accounts before I left N/BPDx. I've got $10K on credit cards and try to pay as much as I can each month. My L lets me pay in installments (with interest), but I did some refinancing with no interest credit card to try and avoid running up interest with my L. There have been some very lean months, especially in the beginning. Anything I can save goes to legal bills.

No one makes money during high conflict divorce except the Ls.

:'(

[momtara]

Gosh, it's ridiculous.  Anyone else?  How are you affording this?

[momtara]

AND how does your spouse afford it?

Maybe I"m lucky - mine only earns $40K.

[livednlearned]

AND how does your spouse afford it?

My ex is an attorney   

He used to have a family law attorney, but he withdrew. Now, N/BPDx is representing himself pro se. So it's costing him peanuts, while it's costing me thousands. My L said that we will ask for N/BPDx to reimburse me for legal costs, but apparently it is very hard to actually get a judge to order that.

[Thunderstruck]

Ugh I wish I knew, my SO is one retainer into the custody process (they weren't married) and hasn't even gotten to mediation yet.  It's going to be a long expensive road.