new email account

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So 4 weeks since the end of our r/s and as I'm playing on my computer, I discovered that my ex had opened up an new email account through google (gmail).  No wonder he was so open in the end to let me look through his email.  Obviously, this new account was set up for his new female encounters and I would never know the difference.  He could freely show me his old email account and prove his innocence. 

Why does it still surprise me and HURT that he went to such great lengths to deceive me.  The whole time he's staring me in the face stating he'd never lie to me again. 

I have never felt so used in my life.  How could I have been so darn gullible? 

[healingmyheart]

So 4 weeks since the end of our r/s and as I'm playing on my computer, I discovered that my ex had opened up an new email account through google (gmail).  No wonder he was so open in the end to let me look through his email.  Obviously, this new account was set up for his new female encounters and I would never know the difference.  He could freely show me his old email account and prove his innocence. 

Why does it still surprise me and HURT that he went to such great lengths to deceive me.  The whole time he's staring me in the face stating he'd never lie to me again. 

I have never felt so used in my life.  How could I have been so darn gullible? 

[laelle]

Dont be so hard on yourself Stolemysoul.  BPD's are challenging even for therapists.  They have the ability to lie without guilt and can have you so confused that he would have you believing its your fault he had two separate emails. Dont look back to the past, push forward.

You realized your worth and that with him in your life you would not be able to honor it.

Trust me, your not alone in being suckered.   

[healingmyheart]

laelle,

Thank you, and you are correct in that I would have been blamed for the two email accounts.  Why do I keep dwelling on this stuff. 

I've been stuck in depression mode since the weekend.  I don't want to get out of bed, I have no energy to do anything, I really don't care to eat. 

I'm starting to worry about myself.  I should be past this stage I think.  It just seems so surreal sometimes.  How could something so amazingly beautiful turn into the biggest nightmare of your life?

[laelle]

Because it wasnt totally real.  They have learned a way around their inability for empathy, and that is simply giving what they have seen that people want. They have low ability to feel it themselves, but they desire love too even if their definition of love is different than ours.

They are observers.  They know people.  I would not say its with the purpose to deceive you, but they cant hold up to the image that they create.

They try, but its not possible to sustain indefinitely what they are not.  Eventually they drop the mask and reality begins to set in for us.

It is the way it is.  They are what they are.  Dont beat yourself up over something you have no fault in.  Figure out what attracted you to this type of person, and work on making yourself happy and healthy.

Anyone who lies to your face cant make you happy.

[LuckyEscapee]

You and all us too 

We are smart, caring folk, yet we fell hard for an illusion.

We aren't perfect and never claimed to be but many of us suffered horribly from these relationships. It was the very last thing we thought was possible 

But we woke up to it yay, and are now on the other side of the door, and I'd rather be here with all you, than there with him and the hamster wheel of doing nothing right, and being told how diabolically wretched a person I am.

There is safety among our numbers. We can't be all wrong 

[laelle]

You said it well Lucky! 

[Surnia]

Yes,  it sucks, stolemysoul, when someone is lying so directly and in a perfect manner.   

And I agree with laelle, this is not the person to have a healthy relationship with.

Be kind with yourself. Perhaps you are sometimes gullible. This is okay. And yes, mental illness seems to be sometimes surreal.

Do you have something to keep your mind little busy, like Sudoko or something else? Or make little short walks?

Keep us posted! 

[real lady]

I'm starting to worry about myself.  I should be past this stage I think.  It just seems so surreal sometimes.  How could something so amazingly beautiful turn into the biggest nightmare of your life?

I am so sorry that it hurts so much but THIS is just what it has been like for me as well. I live with the "man of my dreams" and my "first love" and I can't "love" him like I want to... .  can't show him affection, etc. I can't expect him to BE NORMAL and love me "as he used to do". It is the BPD. He was in an euphoric HIGH when we reunited and then the fears of attachment and abandonment came back... .  my DREAM COME TRUE turned into a BPD NIGHTMARE... .  I really understand... .  it is SO SURREAL and SO UNFAIR.

You are the only one who CAN take care of you. If he was able to love you as you deserve, he would WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. We want our pwBPD to "be happy" and we can't make them happy. WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES. Get out of bed, get a shower, put on some fun clothes,  get a healthy meal (smoothie with EXTRA vitamins, etc... .  they help me) and GO visit an encouraging friend, museum or any place or friend who reminds you of WHO YOU ARE. Find yourself. Take care of yourself. Heal from the abuse of the BPD relationship. If you know yourself and think you need "help" with the depression, TALK WITH a qualified mental health professional. There is NO shame in feeling depression and NO USE to remain depressed... .  work through it and you will LOOK BACK UPON THIS as a growing period in your life.

Our pwBPD are doing all they can to "survive" the only (BPD way) they know how. We do NOT have to unlearn healthy ways to survive and may need to remind ourselves that WE CAN feel better and move on with our lives and BE HAPPY about it. Wishing you the best.