Not sure what to do

[hellokitty4]

BPD close friend left for a family vacation  today. We had a pleasant conversation last night. This morning I sent her my morning email just a short one telling her to have a great time with her family. I also told her to feel free to call me or text me if she feels like it. And I on my part will make minimum contact, that if she cannot respond, it would be fine because I don't want to get in the way. I think she understood what I meant. Last Dec when she went for a family holiday also in Florida, I called her a few times not realizing that she was in the "pushing" mode. She barely communicated with me and seemed irritated that she felt obligated to return my calls or texts. And when she returned she said she needed "space." She said she just wanted me to be happy and not jealous. Projection because I was perfectly fine. Until she asked for space. I didn't understand why yet I said okay if that was what she wanted. I hadn't been home from our chat more than 20 minutes and she called me asking me how I was. When I went along with what she said she needed, she said she made a mistake and that she couldn't do it. Our whole friendship changed a bit. I don't want a repeat of that this time. I wonder if she realizes why I am approaching this trip differently this time.  She sent me a text this morning asking me where I was. I responded saying I was on my way to work. I don't know why she asked that question... either she saw a similar car as mine driving in her neighborhood or just wanted to know if I went to work. I didn't ask. She then said drive safely. I called her an hour later letting her know about the winter weather advisory on their route and to drive safely. I asked her to call me before they leave. But with a family of five I totally understood how crazy it can get to pack up the car and the kids. She didn't return my call as I expected so I just sent her a text asking if they already left. She responded saying they were picking up lunch and were already on the road. I asked her if she got my message. She said she got busy and didn't get a chance to listen to her voicemail. So in my last text I just told her what my phone message was.

How much contact should I have with her without her feeling like I just up and "left" her? I don't want to smother her while she is away yet I don't want her to feel as though I am enjoying the space (even though in a way, I am)? During her last trip, I told her that I missed her and even before she left, I told her that I was  going to miss her. None of that this time even though I do already know I will miss her. Should I even tell her? Or should I try this approach... leave her alone and let her miss me and come to me? She likes to be the aggressor in this friendship. Just seems appropriate for her to take the lead since she is the one on vacation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

Or should I try this approach... leave her alone and let her miss me and come to me? She likes to be the aggressor in this friendship. Just seems appropriate for her to take the lead since she is the one on vacation.

Sounds like this is the way to go, hk4.  Enjoy the time apart and don't obsess over what her possible reaction would be... . that's not your job.

[hellokitty4]

Sounds like this is the way to go, hk4.  Enjoy the time apart and don't obsess over what her possible reaction would be... . that's not your job.

I didn't exactly leave her alone but contact is very limited... . a text in the morning and a text in the evening. Nothing in between during the day. No phone calls from me. She responds to the texts pretty quickly unlike when she was in town and sounds like everything is okay. Today is the first real day of vacation for her after driving from IL to FL last Monday.