Dang Facebook

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Anyone else having issues with not be able to resist the "Facebook" temptation?

It's driving me crazy... .  

Thanks.

[MakeItHappen]

Anyone else having issues with not be able to resist the "Facebook" temptation?

It's driving me crazy... .  

Thanks.

[lipstick]

Hi MakeitHappen,

Yes, Facebook is the Devil!      How long have you been out of your relationship? I'm finding that at almost six months removed - I'm caring less and less about my BPDex's FB nonsense. I rarely "check up" on him anymore. And when I do - it's with a wonderful sense of detachment. Morbid curiosity, perhaps?

I have, however, read posts from many, many non's on this site that their respective BPDex's tend to loove checking up on US thru Facebook... .  imagine that! I know mine does quite often.

I hope you're doing well on your path to not giving a damn about that human substitute you were involved with!

[wanttoknowmore]

Yes. I do check her facebook daily to find out whats really going on with her as she has banned me from any texting ,calling or meeting in person.

This is someone who was very active on facebook and now, since last 3 weeks(since dysregulated) there is almost zero activity on her FB. She has not blocked me and is allowing total access. Our picture still remains as it is.

Its mysterious. Why she doesnot want contact? I guess she is still very dysregulated as there is inactive facebook page. Its very confusing.

[MakeItHappen]

Sorry to say but, glad I'm not alone.   

It's been about 6 weeks and I've actually "blocked" her on FB.

The unfortunate (or fortunate) thing is, seeing her friends posts, especially the posts from her new lover.

[lipstick]

MakeItHappen,

No, you're most definitely not alone. Let me tell you - my BPDex just had his 50th birthday about a week ago. I have to admit - I took a great deal of pleasure out of the fact that not.one.single.person on his Friends list wished him a Happy B'day. Word has gotten around about how he treated me. 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, though. Hang in there! It does get better, I promise!

[motherof1yearold]

Oh let me tell you , facebook will do you no good... .  trust me... .  DONT hurt yourself... it is no good!

[expos]

Blocked her, but I have a summer project that has it's own profile/account and I'm able to take a look at her profile through that, but she locked down her Facebook wall so nothing is visible.   Her profile picture hasn't changed since late November.  

Mine was visible to her up until a month ago, and I know that Facebook isn't the real world, but I did take great pleasure in the fact that people seem to like me a lot, and are always writing nice things on my wall despite the fact I rarely post stuff or make status updates.  It was also sort of evil of me, but I really enjoyed when a few really pretty girls (that I wasn't dating) started tagging me in locations with them.  I'm sure that didn't feel too good on the ex's confidence.

I specifically remember when we were married that hardly anyone ever corresponded with her via Facebook... .  and she would complain about this often.

[lipstick]

Hi expos,

I don't think that was "evil" of you at all!  I think it's kind of amusing! Hey, we have to get our tiny little bit of "revenge" during the healing process, right?     I personally LOVE the fact that my ex gets zero attention on his FB page. 'Specially on his b.day!  Bwahahahahaha !  My FB page reflects lots of interaction with friends, family, co-workers, etc...   His?  The same crapola that's been on there for months. Cuz he's boring and cuckoo !

[fromheeltoheal]

My uBPDgf found me on Facebook, we had known each other many years ago.  One of the "tips" I got and ignored, reveling in denial at the time, was right after we'd agreed we be in a monogamous, exclusive relationship, her status said "single" and she had posted a few pics of "sexy" guys, along with lots of explicit commentary.  And of course, when I brought it up, it was all my fault, I was paranoid, yadda, yadda.

And once I had a blinding flash of the obvious and bailed, I've had the temptation, but fortunately my resolve has been much stronger, and I haven't looked, something I'm proud of, and I'm sure it would be nothing but painful, so I an't going there.

[expos]

Hi expos,

I don't think that was "evil" of you at all!  I think it's kind of amusing! Hey, we have to get our tiny little bit of "revenge" during the healing process, right? 

Yes we do!  The truth hurts sometimes!  You can bet that it stings them a little bit, and they can't deny or control what OTHER people think.  If anything, it makes them rethink their opinion on us... .   

[mtmc01]

Mine blocked me, luckily... .  hopefully it stays that way.

[MakeItHappen]

This totally sucks! Realizing, it's the biggest waste of my time yet, I still find myself going to my exBPD (w/NPD traits)'s new love's page on FB. Gross. Seeing the pictures of them together actually make me laugh. Could I actually be going to the site in hopes that it all comes crashing down?

[Vegasskydiver]

And once I had a blinding flash of the obvious and bailed, I've had the temptation, but fortunately my resolve has been much stronger, and I haven't looked, something I'm proud of, and I'm sure it would be nothing but painful, so I an't going there.[/quote]
I am with you 100%.  Not ever going to look becuase he loves an audience and plaster photos of him and his new VICTIMS all over.  No thank you.  I blocked him.  I will never torture myself like that.  What is the point?

[afterdeath]

My ex deactivated hers after I busted her for a second time through it, she was already triangulating (read definition) an old boyfriend with her current replacement.

Confuses me why she deactivated, but in a way it makes me feel good, almost like a little bit of revenge, I feel I ruined her narcissistic supply at least a little bit as she used it both times to start hitting on other men and make herself feel like she was well liked and respected.

Again I don't know why she deactivated, she clearly deleted everything of me right away, maybe it was the fact she can't control or mutual friends who have photos of me too and would have no reason to remove them.

Who knows, I definetly shouldn't care, but I have definetly weaned off trying to check up on her, I don't need the grief of her acting like she has a great and perfect life when I know the truth.

[Dave44]

I really struggle with this too. For me though its a bit different. Of course she blocked me right away but sadly I panicked and set up a fake account to check up on her. I try and try not to look at it but its hard... . sometimes I can last for weeks other times only a few days. However in my case when I view her page and see nothing has changed and her realationship status is still "single" it's a huge let down. You'd think it be the other way around but I guess if I see her in a relationship I feel like it will justify everything I thought about her and the BPD I feel she has? I dunno, it's like I can't REALLY move on when I see nothing has changed. I dunno if any of that makes sense... .

[tailspin]

Facebook becomes a way for us to peek behind the curtain.

We were enmeshed with them and they were enmeshed with us.  They cut us out of their lives and walked away.  We are still enmeshed.  Facebook becomes a way to remain attached.  :)o you think this is healthy?

You may already know looking at the fb page isn't a good idea, you but you cannot help looking.  This is addiction.  This is co-dependency.  The first step is recognizing and admitting the problem for what it is.  The second step is doing something about it.

As always, the choice is yours.

tailspin

[Suzn]

This totally sucks! Realizing, it's the biggest waste of my time yet, I still find myself going to my exBPD (w/NPD traits)'s new love's page on FB. Gross. Seeing the pictures of them together actually make me laugh. Could I actually be going to the site in hopes that it all comes crashing down?

If BPD is involved of course it will come crashing down, again and again and again. What good is this doing for you? Reliving old hurts will indeed keep the hurts fresh and ongoing. What can you do to resist this urge to re-injure yourself?

And once I had a blinding flash of the obvious and bailed, I've had the temptation, but fortunately my resolve has been much stronger, and I haven't looked, something I'm proud of, and I'm sure it would be nothing but painful, so I an't going there.


I am with you 100%.  Not ever going to look becuase he loves an audience and plaster photos of him and his new VICTIMS all over.  No thank you.  I blocked him.  I will never torture myself like that.  What is the point?

Good point not torturing yourself. Facebook is here to stay, it's completely up to you to be a part of it. It can be a very useful tool with all of the empowering pages available today, along with realizing that people will eventually show you who they are. I have found Facebook is one place where people do just that and it has helped me make decisions on where to "place" people in my life. Meaning, there have been a couple people I know who have acted one way in person and on Facebook shown their true selves. So with these friends... arms length it is. In some cases fazing out to unfriend status.  

[wanttoknowmore]

To me its mere curiosity to see her FB daily to see whats going on with her life?

I am puzzled about:

(1) Why she is keeping our picture after 4 weeks of no contact?

(2) Why she has not posted anything new for last 4 weeks? (Only one or two likes) Very unusual for her

(3)Why she is allowing me total access to her FB and her friends?

Is it to confuse me or to reassure me that nothing really has changed? She has not said "its over "

but said "just leave me alone... I am very very tired of everything... I just want to be left alone... dont contact me"

Any ideas/opinions about the above questions? Thanks.

[fromheeltoheal]

wanttoknowmor sounds to me like bait.  My BPD had multiple Facebook accounts, knew which one I had access to, and would use it to manipulate me.  The reason she hasn't posted in a while is maybe because she's posting elsewhere.

And saying she doesn't want to see you but leaving the door open sounds like a test and an attempt at control: how bad do you want it?  If you cave and contact her, she won, and the hook goes in deeper.  Mine did that stuff a lot, until finally she escalated too far, it was too painful, and I bailed.  Thanks for that, at least, sweetheart.

[wanttoknowmore]

I am certain she doesnot have other FB account due to her friends postings and her involvement in community work.

Its her FB account and she made a joint name and lconnected me as her friend a year and a half ago.

I care about her and want to help her understand the cause of her difficulties but very slowly and very carefully. I know she will not go for therapy as she is vehemently against therapy.

She has been dysregulated for 4 weeks . Kept saying I am very very tired of everything. DYSREGULATED. Can that be the cause of her inactive FB?

[Mightyhammers]

I blocked my ex gf after we had one of our final arguments ( I admit it was just to get a reaction from her, a bit childish I know ), and she just gave me a blunt message that night. When I spoke to her finally the week after, she called me out about something I had written on my wall a few days later even though she was still blocked, I was like – how did she see that? I tried to add her as a friend again but her exact words were ‘you made your bed now lie in it’, what she meant by that I don’t really know tbh

Funnily enough that’s how we met!

[Mightyhammers]

I do look at her page ( or what I can see of it, its not public ) but I don’t think its been updated in a while which is strange as she usually changes her profile pic 2-3 times a week, and yeah mine is completely public now so she can see what she likes, i dont really care what she sees any more

[lostkitten]

I "stalk" his ... . I cant see much, since we're not friends anymore, but from friends pages (yes, I take it that far) its the same whining and bull~. He still has photos of us up, but has deleted some of them - without rhyme or reason. It's torture, and I know better, but I still do it.