will he control me after divorce?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My stbx husband, when he was in a bad mood, would arbitrarily not let me take our son to the park, and other controlling things like that.  I can see into the future... . he is going to have a say in parenting decisions and will deny things just for the sake of denying.

Example: my family is having a gathering this coming April.  He hasn't been taking the baby on overnights, but if I tell him about the gathering, he will purposely take her to irk me, or at least threaten to do so.  I will just have to wait and see if he takes her, and if not, then I can take her. So I can't really tell my family for sure that I'm coming until that very day.

My question:

When we are divorced, how much say is he going to have in every decision? It will be hard for me to get sole legal custody. So I will have to share educational and medical decisions with him, and other stuff... . but do I have to share every little thing with him? For you parents with primary residential custody, what do you have to get permission for?

[momtara]

My stbx husband, when he was in a bad mood, would arbitrarily not let me take our son to the park, and other controlling things like that.  I can see into the future... . he is going to have a say in parenting decisions and will deny things just for the sake of denying.

Example: my family is having a gathering this coming April.  He hasn't been taking the baby on overnights, but if I tell him about the gathering, he will purposely take her to irk me, or at least threaten to do so.  I will just have to wait and see if he takes her, and if not, then I can take her. So I can't really tell my family for sure that I'm coming until that very day.

My question:

When we are divorced, how much say is he going to have in every decision? It will be hard for me to get sole legal custody. So I will have to share educational and medical decisions with him, and other stuff... . but do I have to share every little thing with him? For you parents with primary residential custody, what do you have to get permission for?

[Waddams]

I tell my XW very little of what I'm doing w/ our son, or when I'm doing it.  I also follow the court orders to the letter regarding vacations.  I try to plan all my trips w/ him on solely my time per the court orders.  That way she can't interfere. Not that she hasn't tried in the past.  For some reason, the last year and half, she's not been starting issues, which I'm not complaining about!

Why can't you tell your family you're coming?  Just don't tell your STBX. 

[Mind]

I understand where you are coming from.  My stbx takes the children places without telling me where.  One time he made me think that my daughter wouldn't come home that night.  I ask and he is very vague with his answers. He's trying to gain control and he sees he is losing it.   I'm not sure what else I can do right now until if it comes to it a PO is in place.  I feel that may be next based on his behavior last week.