I wish this would just end. Being painted black from across the country...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Not long after I posted this, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196452.msg12215963#msg12215963 I began to get texts and phone calls several times a day. In one she asked me if it bothered me that she still called me "angel" or "sunshine" or "baby" even though we arent together anymore. Since she is across the country I really didn't see the harm in it and I didn't want to anger her so I told her I didn't care. The phone calls got frequent and predictable in time and nature so I started answering them less and less. A week ago she left an very angry message that She can "now see" how I feel about her and that I was avoiding her and that it was stupid since she considered me her best friend. I was driving on the freeway when she called me that particular time so honestly that is the reason I didn't pick up. I called her when I got home and things totally blew up. She informed me that she was off her meds and I was trying to keep her a zombie for encouraging her to continue her prescriptions. She was like "YOU are the one who has a built in job- and friends- and a place to live- and a car! I am still sleeping on a friends couch with NO money and NOONE to love me!"  This really pisses me off because When I moved from Texas I got my tax refund, bought a car, got my old job back, and yes, I have many friends, one of whom is giving me a place to stay till I am on my feet. I AM THE ONE who didn't burn any bridges with friends and family- I left my job the correct way with a 2 week notice- I EARNED my tax refund and deserve every penny of it! I said to her, "If we are best friends, WHY are you so angry at me for getting my life in order?" Crickets. she was silent for like 20 seconds. I think for a second she got it. but only for a second. I told her that she made the choice to leave overnight, and that she had created the situation she was in. Yes, we were together for 3.5 years/24 hours a day and that although we had been best friends (on her terms) i am also in pain over this "breakup" and found it difficult to go from lovers to bffs without a little downtime. She was so angry- she said, "So, what do you need? like a week or so without talking to me?" I told her that I thought that was a good idea.Then she says, "ok- so today is wed, so next week on wed... . " I cut her off, angry myself and said, "So what is it that you are going to expect from me in a week? I may not have any answers for you!" She screams that she knows where she stands with me now, and that I should just call her when I am ready to give a ___, and hangs up. It has been a week yesterday. I don't want to call her. I am being painted black to our mutual friends. (who were originally MY friends, so they are supportive of me). Saying that I have everything I ever wanted in life and that I am leaving her in the dirt in the face of my new found fortune. It's so ridiculous! I have lost EVERYTHING in this relationship! She keeps writing stupid things on facebook about being glad she can finally "thin the herd" and that people are either with her or against her, blah blah blah. I never thought a 38 year old woman could be so childish. I have found an apartment by the way but I'm definitely not telling her that. I feel like this is my chance for permanent NC. But I dont want her to feel abandoned either. Plus I have a lot of her things that I can't afford to send right now. What to do?

[siggy]

Not long after I posted this, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196452.msg12215963#msg12215963 I began to get texts and phone calls several times a day. In one she asked me if it bothered me that she still called me "angel" or "sunshine" or "baby" even though we arent together anymore. Since she is across the country I really didn't see the harm in it and I didn't want to anger her so I told her I didn't care. The phone calls got frequent and predictable in time and nature so I started answering them less and less. A week ago she left an very angry message that She can "now see" how I feel about her and that I was avoiding her and that it was stupid since she considered me her best friend. I was driving on the freeway when she called me that particular time so honestly that is the reason I didn't pick up. I called her when I got home and things totally blew up. She informed me that she was off her meds and I was trying to keep her a zombie for encouraging her to continue her prescriptions. She was like "YOU are the one who has a built in job- and friends- and a place to live- and a car! I am still sleeping on a friends couch with NO money and NOONE to love me!"  This really pisses me off because When I moved from Texas I got my tax refund, bought a car, got my old job back, and yes, I have many friends, one of whom is giving me a place to stay till I am on my feet. I AM THE ONE who didn't burn any bridges with friends and family- I left my job the correct way with a 2 week notice- I EARNED my tax refund and deserve every penny of it! I said to her, "If we are best friends, WHY are you so angry at me for getting my life in order?" Crickets. she was silent for like 20 seconds. I think for a second she got it. but only for a second. I told her that she made the choice to leave overnight, and that she had created the situation she was in. Yes, we were together for 3.5 years/24 hours a day and that although we had been best friends (on her terms) i am also in pain over this "breakup" and found it difficult to go from lovers to bffs without a little downtime. She was so angry- she said, "So, what do you need? like a week or so without talking to me?" I told her that I thought that was a good idea.Then she says, "ok- so today is wed, so next week on wed... . " I cut her off, angry myself and said, "So what is it that you are going to expect from me in a week? I may not have any answers for you!" She screams that she knows where she stands with me now, and that I should just call her when I am ready to give a ___, and hangs up. It has been a week yesterday. I don't want to call her. I am being painted black to our mutual friends. (who were originally MY friends, so they are supportive of me). Saying that I have everything I ever wanted in life and that I am leaving her in the dirt in the face of my new found fortune. It's so ridiculous! I have lost EVERYTHING in this relationship! She keeps writing stupid things on facebook about being glad she can finally "thin the herd" and that people are either with her or against her, blah blah blah. I never thought a 38 year old woman could be so childish. I have found an apartment by the way but I'm definitely not telling her that. I feel like this is my chance for permanent NC. But I dont want her to feel abandoned either. Plus I have a lot of her things that I can't afford to send right now. What to do?

[laelle]

I am generally a pacifist, so in the most gentle way possible I will say.  "sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind"

Stop reading, Stop writing, Ignore.  It will help her let go too.  If you want her out of your life that is.

[siggy]

I know I would be fine if we never spoke again. I have her things which amounts to lots of stuff which will be expensive to send. I wish I had the money to just send it all. I would take the $$ loss. It just hurts that she is twisting everything around and creating her own version of our history. The raging, the splitting the abusive nights she wouldn't allow me to sleep because she needed an audience for her rages. I am done with the r/s forever. i wont be recycled. being painted black just sucks.

[DragoN]

I am generally a pacifist, so in the most gentle way possible I will say.  "sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind"

Stop reading, Stop writing, Ignore.  It will help her let go too.  If you want her out of your life that is.

Can't add more than that. Of course, you are the cause of everything wrong in her world, and every success of yours is due to her. It's a no win situation with a BPD. You always lose.

[pinkpeony]

siggy,

I returned his things after this last go-round and THAT set him off.  I knew if I didn't return them, he'd throw that in my face at some point.  The last argument we had was about an item I had of his, so I brought it back to him with a few other things, but that made him furious and he saw that as "another of your evil ways to hurt me", and told me I should have thrown them in the trash.  Then I get an email because he noticed I didn't include some other particular item... . "because you are a selfish b**ch."

If that sounds confusing, it was to me too.  Bottom line, you can't win.  Return the things, don't return them, it causes anger. 

good luck-

pink