New to the forum, looking for some clarity.

[dsmoody23]

We met up at a restaurant, had dinner and continued getting to know each other. The conversation was more in depth and serious, delving into things we were both tentatively looking for in potential partners. I told her about my career plans, about looking to eventually settle down with the right person. We saw eye to eye on many things and seemed to have an exciting chemistry that I wanted to pursue. This was also when she told me that she was currently separated from a physically abusive husband, working on the divorce, and had absolutely no desire to reconcile. This lit up my protective instincts, and subconsciously or consciously made me want to help her see that all men weren't like her husband. We ended up making out like teenagers in the car, then parting and heading home.

In the next few weeks, we saw more of each other. I invited her to my house, cooked her dinner and introduced her to my dogs. I have two rescued pit bulls, both from abuse / neglect situations, who are very important to me (we all seem to love to save broken things, huh?) She was great with them, and seemed to understand the place they held in my life as real commitments that I valued.

She brought me up to her place, showed me how to ride a horse, which I had never done, and took me out into her rural part of the world. I instantly loved it. I'm a city boy by circumstance, but a country boy at heart. I loved the animals, loved the quiet and loved the nature. It was like an itch I'd had for years I couldn't reach, but was finally able to scratch. It seemed like a romance movie. This amazing woman, in this amazing place, and she liked me for all the things I thought were the best parts of my character.

As things progressed from there, we started seeing each other more often and the emotional connection I felt grew deeper. I learned she had a roommate, who she described as a currently platonic ex-boyfriend. He worked nights, and was never there while I was. At the time, I didn't question it. She was seemingly honest about it, and acknowledged that it was potentially awkward. I know that nothing in life is perfect, and understood her situation. He needed a place to live, and she needed his help around the farm. He had a separate room, and she assured me that the relationship was long over and that it was no threat to me.

After a month or two, I initiated a conversation about making our dating arrangement exclusive, and she agreed and seemed incredibly happy. Our relationship was physical by this time, after the first few weeks, and we had regular, excellent sex. I was happy, and thought I was starting down a road to the romantic relationship I had wanted for years, but had never really found.

[dsmoody23]

My first experience with BPD, before I even knew it existed, came about a month an a half into dating her. We were both interested in fitness, her in running, and me in weight training. I have a nice little basement gym, and after a run, made an attempt to show her how to do a bar squat. As she picked up the weight, I encouraged her, gently I thought, to do one repetition. It was a safe weight, and it seemed like such an innocuous event. She said "I can't do it," and I told her "Sure you can, just do it!"

Her eyes went almost visibly black, and her entire expression changed. She backed away from me like I had punched her in the stomach and started telling me that I was "pushing" her just like her husband had. She was obviously distraught, and my immediate impulse was to ask her to explain. I apologized and encouraged her to talk about it. She withdrew, and began the first of many long, difficult silences. I felt like a monster. My initial thought, from my time spent in the military, was that she had a post-traumatic reaction that was triggered by my actions. I tried to talk her down, calmly and quietly explaining that I had meant nothing by it, and that I was entirely unaware of her issue with this particular behavior.

We spent the next several hours walking outside, while I tried to rationally explain to her that I was nothing like her husband, that I had never raised my hand to a woman and I never would. That she was absolutely safe from that behavior with me. She was cold, distant and compared me to her husband several times, saying that I had the warning signs of an abuser. I was dumbfounded. Finally, the moment passed, after hours of my apologies and reassurances. We went back to normal.

The next episode was 2 weeks later. While she was at a family reunion, with the previously mentioned roommate (They had planned the trip months before and she felt it was unkind to uninvite him), we were speaking over the phone, and the topic came almost out of nowhere that I was too withholding with my feelings, and that I didn't share enough of myself with her. Again, I rationally tried to explain, with examples of how I did the things she was worried about. I also committed to trying to do a better job in the future of being expressive. Regardless of what I said, though, even when I finally agreed and promised to try and do better, the fight wouldn't stop. Ultimately, she ended up crying into the phone for long moments, while I sat there dumbfounded, staring at my cell phone trying to understand how the situation had slipped so far from reality so fast.

This was the pattern. We'd have a week or so of great days, and then there would be some minor incident, often that I barely understood, which would derail everything for days, causing long irrational arguments, periods of silent treatment, and threats of the relationship ending.

Some of the things I did wrong:

-Rolled away from her in the night while I was sleeping, indicating that I didn't really love her.

-Shot a bow and arrow more accurately than she did, causing her to stop doing anything even vaguely competitive with me.   

-Put cheese on scrambled eggs she made me, indicating that nothing she did was good enough for me.

-Was affectionate with my dogs, causing her to accuse me of loving them more than her.

-Developed casual friendships with the kids and women who rode at her barn, inspiring jealousy and accusations that I was going to cheat on her.

-Suggesting ways to improve efficiency or save money in her business, which she took to mean that I was telling her she was incompetent.

-Cancelled a date to study for an examination I was unprepared for.

-Allowing my dogs to sleep in my room, or on my bed.

-Taking her on a run that was 'too far.'

Etc. etc. etc.

[dsmoody23]

On numerous occasions, she would leave my house in a huff, telling me that she knew the relationship was going to fail, because I was trying to control her, and because I did so many things to hurt her or make her feel insignificant. Each time, I devoted myself for a day or two to convincing her that those things were untrue, and that I'd do what I could to change to make her happy. We'd reconnect, have another week or two of good days, and then they cycle would repeat.

Around this time, I discovered that she had been lying to me about the roommate. On nights I would come over, I would always have to leave around 2-3am, under the pretense that she needed her sleep for work, and that her roommate wasn't ready for the idea of her with another man so overtly. One day while we were at her house, my dog inadvertently nosed open the door to the roommates 'room,' which had always been closed while I was there, for his privacy. As I went to grab the dog, and close the door again, I saw the contents of the room. A box and an ironing board. No bed, no belongings.

I stood there for 5 minutes, as reality hit me, and I felt dumber than I've ever felt in my life. The guys clothes were in her room, she'd change the sheets when I'd leave, and after months, I'd still never meant the guy. We were conveniently never in the same place at the same time. I'd leave at 3am, and this guy would come home and roll into bed with her, in the exact place I'd just been.

I'm ashamed of what I did next, and I can't justify it, but I stole her phone while she was sleeping at my place and read through her texts and emails. It turns out, she was in an 'open relationship' with the guy, who had marginally agreed to her seeing me, mostly because he didn't want to lose her entirely. I also found a number of questionable interactions with other men, dirty texts, nude pictures, etc. I stewed for a while, then got up my courage and confronted her about it, waking her up and showing her the things I'd found.

While she was justifiably upset that I had violated her privacy, she had absolutely no remorse about the lies or the other men. She had an excuse for each, ultimately making it seem as though I was wrong about what I was looking at with my own eyes. The roommate was platonic, no sex, just sharing the room because he didn't have a bed, and didn't like sleeping on the couch. The texts and pictures were either jokes, or something she did while she was angry with me.

Ultimately, I just went to sleep with it unresolved. When I woke up, she told me that it would never happen again. That was also the first time she told me she loved me. And I grabbed on to that like a drowning man.

Over the next few months, she actually did get better. She asked the guy to move out, which happened slowly but did still happen. She was kind, affectionate, attentive. All the things I loved about her. There were still the same old fights, where I'd be ambushed into a long argument about a minor transgression, but they were resolved more quickly and with less drama. I viewed it as a process she was going through, learning how to have a real romantic partner and shedding her old baggage, so I tried to tolerate it as best as I could and started to be optimistic again about the future.

In November, her sister died during surgery for a congenital heart defect. She was a wonderful woman, and it was a terrible thing. Her funeral was the first time I was 'the boyfriend' in front of her family, and the first time I felt like I was truly able to comfort and help her. We got through it together. Afterwards, in the following weeks, we started talking about moving in together.

Afterwords, also, her behavior started to get increasingly out of control and dangerous. The old arguments I had learned how to better deflect and avoid turned into terrifying scenes where she would lock herself in the bathroom and cut herself, while I tried to talk her down from outside the door. 3 overt suicide gestures, where she would create a fight, force me to leave, and then send me messages that she had taken an OD of pills, or that she was going to cut her own wrists. These events all managed to coincide with every exam, paper or major project of my final semester of college. Anytime I had a non-relationship commitment, something would happen that forced me to choose between it and her.

There were really scary drives to her house, where I'd be going 100mph, not knowing if I'd be arriving to find a dead body. Realistically, her suicide attempts turned out to be minor cutting wounds, or half a bottle of wine and some Nyquil, but they were still incredibly unsettling situations, where I felt entirely out of control, manipulated and unsafe.

After Christmas, and a week or two of good days, she asked me to move in with her, saying that it would help stabilize her life to have me there. My semester grades were atrocious, after that last month of drama, and we had already discussed her demand that our relationship wouldn't survive if I went to vet school. The distance was too much, the time commitment too substantial, and she was unwilling / unable to relocate from her farm in any version of our future. I didn't have a plan, my career path seemed like it was going nowhere, and I latched on to the idea that somehow i could build an equally fulfilling life with her there. I was incredibly anxious about it, given her past behavior, but I tried to hope for the best that this time would be different, and this would be the thing that finally made the difference.

I gave notice at my job and took a carload of my things there. Within a week, I had found a decent job as a surgical technician at an animal hospital and started trying to settle in to our life. I had a houseful of stuff, and broached the idea of using a spare room as an office, computer room, man cave, whatever. She was instantly resistant, saying that I was trying to create a place to hide from her, and find reasons to not spend time with her. She conceded to giving me a dresser in our room and space on the dining room table for my computer, while an entire room sat empty upstairs.

Work was an instant source of conflict, as my hours were sometimes long, variable, and my days started early, forcing me to go to bed earlier than she was used to. If I came home tired, or set a bedtime for myself that interfered with her version of how the night was supposed to be, there was hell to pay.

She also instantly latched on to my dogs as a source of frustration and anxiety. Often telling me that she hated them, that I should keep them outside, and that there was no place she could go in her own house that was safe for her to relax. We had some housebreaking issues during the adjustment to the move which were also sources of conflict. I tried training them to her specification of what she though was acceptable; that they never be underfoot, play with each-other in a way that irritated her, or required any of my time that she reserved for us.

Sex and affection were also issues. There were days after one of her blowups where I'd be vaguely shellshocked and more or less uninterested in sex, and times when I was burnt out from work, or just general stress. This made her very resentful, telling me that I was withholding physical intimacy to punish her, and that if I really loved her, I'd want sex no matter what my day was like. In all honesty, there were times where I almost consciously switched off, and I think i did do it to make her feel some of the frustration and sadness that I felt when she would get cold and distant after I did something that made her upset.

There were public issues, entire meals in restaurants where she would completely ignore me, cutting remarks made in front of strangers, talking me down in private to her family and then telling me how they all wanted her to leave me because I was so toxic to her mental health. The inevitable nonsense on Facebook, passive aggressive posts, pointed, mean postings of songs or pictures that she knew would hurt me.

She had a few moments of clarity, most importantly when she made me aware of BPD in January. I had made an offhand remark after one of her mood swings that she might be bipolar, and she did some research and discovered BPD. It fit her to a T, as I learned more about it. 7 of the DSM traits, an almost freakish similarity in other peoples BPD stories to the things I'd experienced.

There was an inevitable blow up about the dogs, as one of them damaged a stuffed toy from her childhood she was particularly fond of once it was damaged, but had never mentioned until that point. She gave me the ultimatum that my dogs had to have constant supervision, either in crates at all times they weren't being directly watched, or in my car while I was at work. Now, I've been through everything with these dogs and I love them like children, and I immediately put my foot down, saying that it was an unacceptable request, and I was open to finding a compromise, but that it was a deal breaker for me. I also made the mistake of mentioning what I had learned about BPD, and how it might be possibly affecting the situation.

She lost control, packed up all of my belongings while I stood there and watched, and put them in my car. I asked her repeatedly to stop and talk to me about it, but there was no hint of the person I knew in her eyes. Her posture was different, her voice was different. It was like a person I had never met before.

I left that night, having no other choice. While I was back at my house, I thought long and hard and partially resigned myself to the fact that it was over. The next day I was drawn back in by texts telling me how upset she was. After hours of this, I conceded to giving it one last shot.

When i got back, I presented her with a short list of the boundaries I felt were most important to me, and let her know that they had to be met or I couldn't continue.

- Any suicide attempt or gesture would result in an immediate ambulance call, as well as a call to her family, who were entirely unaware that any of this was going on.

-I reserved the right to take a time out from any discussion that I was uncomfortable with, and that I had to be able to safely walk away from conflict when I felt like it was unhealthy.

-She had to start and maintain therapy. I felt ambiguous about this, since i know its self defeating to force a person into treatment, but I knew that she wanted to go too, on some level.

-The next time she told me she wanted to end the relationship, or asked me to leave, that I immediately would, and that I'd never come back.

We got through three more weeks. In this last week, she grew increasingly detached and aloof, making sure I knew that she was consciously distancing herself. The therapist she found, after 2 appointments, apparently attributed the problem to me, as did all of her friends, who were only getting her side of the story and wanted her to get rid of me. She made me aware of this with offhand remarks and subtle jabs. Regardless, I tried to come home every day with a positive attitude, and start fresh, acting as much as a loving, committed boyfriend as I was capable of. Tried to ask her about her day, hug her, kiss her, be interested and attentive.  Most days, I barely made it through the door before I lost that feeling.

Ultimately, there was another fight. It alternated between her accusation that I was incapable of providing her the affection and support she needed to get better, and that she couldn't find the energy to tackle her problems while my dogs were in her house, causing her anxiety. By now, I knew where it was going, and just waited for it to end. I spent most of the conversation in silence, while she covered the entire litany of everything I'd ever done that made her unhappy, and that I was a bad person because I couldn't give her what she needed, when she needed it.

I finally asked her if she really, truly thought I was a sh***y person. She waffled for a minute, I think understanding that something had changed in me, and then, finally and maliciously said 'Yes.'

I told her it was over, and that I was leaving. It was 2 am, and I fell asleep for a few hours on the couch, packed up my things, took a long walk around the farm saying goodbye to the animals, crying pretty steadily, and then went back to my car. As I was getting in, she came out of the house to go to the barn. She walked past me like I wasn't even there, like it was a normal work day and nothing had happened.  I called after her and gave her a long hug, which was only reciprocated for a second. Then I got in my car and left.

I'm wrestling with what happens next. I know I have to see her again, even if it's just to get the last of my stuff. And I'll be commuting up there for the next two weeks after I give notice at my job.

All in all, this story was mostly for me, to just finally put it all in one place and view it for what it really is. To see the bigger patterns and look at everything that happened as a real, undeniable problem, without being able to rationalize it away or find a reason to try again.

I hope it helps.

[dsmoody23]

I botched up the format of this, sadly. This is the first post.


Apologies in advance if this post runs long, or covers too much in one shot. It's mostly for me, just to finally get it all out there in 'public' and hopefully find some catharsis.

My relationship is currently in the process of failing, and BPD is the overwhelming cause. Of course, there are many other factors, and plenty of them are purely my responsibility, but if the BPD behavior was excised from the equation I don't think I'd be where I am now. That may not be the reality, and it bears a lot of thinking, but it feels incredibly true.

I met my girlfriend via an online dating site. We spoke in that format for a few weeks, lost contact and then resumed our conversation almost 8 months later. After another week or so of conversation, we decided to meet. She lives about an hour or so north of me, so we decided to meet up in the middle, get coffee and see what happened from there. I was attracted to her almost instantly. She was incredibly funny, as smart as anyone I've ever met, and beautiful in a very genuine way that didn't require makeup.

She was the owner of an equestrian training barn, and had dozens of animals on her property. I felt like this was an amazing added bonus. I've been involved in veterinary medicine for years, and was finishing up my pre-med degree so I could apply to vet school and become a doctor. It was a career change that occurred in my late 20's, and I was trying hard to keep my grades high, pay my mortgage and plan for that future. It seemed like a godsend that I had met a woman with such a similar love of and connection with animals.

Our first date started with coffee and ended up lasting until the very early hours of the morning, just driving around in the hills, talking, joking. Our first kiss was under a beautiful spring moon across the front seat of my car at the end of the date. At the time, it seemed like a promising start, and I set up another date the next day for later in the week.

[Hurt llama]

That was a tough read... I started to feel my heart actually pound when I got to the part you discovered the 'room mate' was sleeping with her... I wish I could tell you I didn't know how you felt... but I sure do... I see nothing wrong with checking her phone and I did the same thing and it's almost self defense. this is serious stuff. I beat myself up about things I did way too much, as I think many do.

There's a point of taking too much responsibility for some really crazy stuff some BPD do.

I could not help but connect your dogs and how you rescued them with seeing her (and my ex) as abused and abandoned animals... We all have seen cats and dogs that are just 'spooked' from past experience. My ex had the most troubled cat who was just like her... .

Your story goes into such despair and sadness... Your ex sounds so sad it's horrible and you sound like a really good guy (aren't we all?). But on a serious note, is it possible that 'nicer' guys (or women) might be in more danger as a rule? I never thought about it but it does make sense as if I were the tough guy I used to think I was, I would NEVER put up with the insanity, such as finding out my ex was sleeping with the guy who called her while i was there who she made fun of and said to reassure me "do you want to see his picture", as if he was so ugly it would make me feel better... . the discovery that she was disappearing and with him and completely blaming me for it was the low point in many ways of my life.

I am using this forum very consciously, after just starting posting a couple of weeks ago...

Reading posts such as yours help me see my situation clearer... . and it's really sad... My exbpg fiancee is nowhere as intense or as messed up BUT the similarities are more striking than not. The same 'spooked' feeling I am getting about yours reminds me exactly like mine.

She wants me, she loves me, she means it and I know it... . and I want her...

The tiny little thing that is coming in the way... . is a 100%, complete inability to talk even slightly about any of her responsibility... . The reason is clear and I do cut her slack right now... she is struggling mightily... . she wont' admit the BPD but she wont deny it... . and even if she did, it would not be the cure...

Sorry you had to go through all of this... Im sorry for all of us who have.

Good luck. stay strong.

[Surnia]

 

dsmoody23

So sorry to hear about your shattered relationship. You came a long way. Long ways - long posts. No need to apologize for it. 

I am glad you found us. Sounds very "textbook". Many members here went through similar things.

Keep us posted, about your next steps. We are here for you.

[mango_flower]

Hi and welcome (bet you didn't wish you were here!)

Just so say that pretty much all of us can relate to your pain and confusion.

It screams BPD from where I am sitting!  It doesn't always make it easier knowing though, does it.

It's heartbreaking when you truly feel you have met this perfect person (well, nobody is perfect, but perfect for YOU!) and then it's no more... . feels like you were cruelly tricked.

Reading here will really help, I hope you can get closure in your own way, find some acceptance and in the future, find somebody healthy who deserves you x

[dsmoody23]

But on a serious note, is it possible that 'nicer' guys (or women) might be in more danger as a rule? I never thought about it but it does make sense as if I were the tough guy I used to think I was, I would NEVER put up with the insanity, such as finding out my ex was sleeping with the guy who called her while i was there who she made fun of and said to reassure me "do you want to see his picture", as if he was so ugly it would make me feel better... . the discovery that she was disappearing and with him and completely blaming me for it was the low point in many ways of my life.

I've been struggling with that pretty intensely. For good or bad, I'm a pretty tough guy too. A former Marine infantryman who takes absolutely no s*it in the rest of my life, business or personal. But it was incredibly easy for me to endure poor treatment in this situation that I would have probably ridiculed another person for putting up with.

Before any of this, I spent the previous 5 years turning myself from a manual laborer with a high school diploma into a competitive applicant for medical school. Yet somehow, it was perfectly rational, in the midst of this relationship, to basically throw that away. Something that was the professional focus of my life, and that gave me so much pride and self respect.

I guess I need to do some introspection and find out what, exactly, in my personality makes me think I deserve that.

[Vegasskydiver]

I've been struggling with that pretty intensely. For good or bad, I'm a pretty tough guy too. A former Marine infantryman who takes absolutely no s*it in the rest of my life, business or personal. But it was incredibly easy for me to endure poor treatment in this situation that I would have probably ridiculed another person for putting up with.

Before any of this, I spent the previous 5 years turning myself from a manual laborer with a high school diploma into a competitive applicant for medical school. Yet somehow, it was perfectly rational, in the midst of this relationship, to basically throw that away. Something that was the professional focus of my life, and that gave me so much pride and self respect.

I guess I need to do some introspection and find out what, exactly, in my personality makes me think I deserve that.

Welcome to the board.  I struggle with the same.  Former Air Force here and Combat Medic in the Army.  I thought that I could handle anything.  Surprise... . my ex BPDbf knocked me flat on my arse.  I thought that he was the center of my belly button, .  Three years of thinking that he would learn to trust me becuase i showed he so much love... . no Sir... . no going to happen and I can't get past that.

[lockedout]

"While she was justifiably upset that I had violated her privacy, she had absolutely no remorse about the lies or the other men. She had an excuse for each, ultimately making it seem as though I was wrong about what I was looking at with my own eyes. The roommate was platonic, no sex, just sharing the room because he didn't have a bed, and didn't like sleeping on the couch. The texts and pictures were either jokes, or something she did while she was angry with me".

I see some of the elements of BPD right here. For one thing, she was not justifiably upset. You stumbled across hard evidence that she'd been lying to you completely which gave you cause to look further. The whole excuse thing and trying to make you feel like you were wrong is called gaslighting (Google it). She was upset because she got caught.

Sex and affection were also issues. There were days after one of her blowups where I'd be vaguely shellshocked and more or less uninterested in sex, and times when I was burnt out from work, or just general stress. This made her very resentful, telling me that I was withholding physical intimacy to punish her, and that if I really loved her, I'd want sex no matter what my day was like. In all honesty, there were times where I almost consciously switched off, and I think i did do it to make her feel some of the frustration and sadness that I felt when she would get cold and distant after I did something that made her upset.

Classic projecting and withholding affection. Accusing you of "withholding affection" because you were tired. By her becoming "cold and distant" , she's the one withholding affection. They can't understand how uncomfortable they make us, even with ourselves then they demand affection. Mine swore and called me names often. I don't call people names. But I've been accused and forced to apologize for it.

I finally asked her if she really, truly thought I was a sh***y person. She waffled for a minute, I think understanding that something had changed in me, and then, finally and maliciously said 'Yes.'

I told her it was over, and that I was leaving. It was 2 am, and I fell asleep for a few hours on the couch, packed up my things, took a long walk around the farm saying goodbye to the animals, crying pretty steadily, and then went back to my car. As I was getting in, she came out of the house to go to the barn. She walked past me like I wasn't even there, like it was a normal work day and nothing had happened.  I called after her and gave her a long hug, which was only reciprocated for a second. Then I got in my car and left.

This is something you'll see something about somewhere in just about every thread. This is the exact point in time that you were "painted black".

How important is that stuff you need to get from her place?

[dsmoody23]

Sadly, I'm stuck in needing to return there for a few days while I settle my affairs.

I wish I were in a position to just say "F*** it" and never show my face there again, especially while my resolve is currently so strong and my thinking is clear.

I'm honestly very anxious about what the next week is going to be like. We agreed to minimal contact while I was there, and she implied she would be staying away from the house while I was in it. I have 4 10 hour days, and I plan on only being there to shower and sleep, and to keep the dogs somewhere I can feed and walk them.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

[lockedout]

It sounds like this is in a different city from where you are now... .   can you afford a hotel room? If it's only an hour drive, can you suck it up for a those few days? You can still walk and feed a dog and not live there.

Here's what you need to look out for: if you go there to stay, she's likely to incite a fight out of you and turn you out to be a "threat". She can call the cops, make you take the dogs right then and there, find an excuse to cause trouble at your job... .   etc. Tread carefully.

[dsmoody23]

It sounds like this is in a different city from where you are now... .   can you afford a hotel room? If it's only an hour drive, can you suck it up for a those few days? You can still walk and feed a dog and not live there.

Here's what you need to look out for: if you go there to stay, she's likely to incite a fight out of you and turn you out to be a "threat". She can call the cops, make you take the dogs right then and there, find an excuse to cause trouble at your job... .   etc. Tread carefully.

Sadly, it's money I don't have to spend. I'll be looking for another job when I get back, but until then, my income is gone.

I'm already pretty spooked about being there, for my own well-being, and because of the possibility of getting caught up in her drama.

I'm going to do some thinking on this, and see what I can do to find another option.   

[lockedout]

If you can handle the gas money going back and forth and can find another location for the dogs - shouldn't be too difficult in your field - go for it.

[Hurt llama]

Wait,, you are going to be staying there for 4 days? and she promises not to be there? I'm missing something I am sure.

But one thing I have learned and still have to remind myself of (and am STILL vulnerable to) is what could my ex do to upset me or hurt me, even if it's umm, "not intentionally"?

And the sad truth is that as long as we have soft spots and love for them, we are very vulnerable. I wish I could just see my ex, enjoy it for what it is (she makes that easy) and just tone down my reaction and thoughts about the past, enjoy the moments because in truth as long as I dont express any anger or normal emotion, all is fine (haha, that is a joke)

I think you should be extremely careful here. She sounds seriously dangerous to me and I don't mean to be insulting, I am sure you understand.

[lockedout]

I have a TON of stuff at my house. I love my house and hope to get it at the end of the day. I half expect the pool and the half acre yard that I used to keep immaculate to be a wreck. I miss our next door neighbor - saw her in the parking lot from a distance when we were doing son exchange the other day; made me sad. I still pay $1000 a month for the house. But I haven't seen it in three months.

[DivDad]

You can't believe anything a Bline says.

They can't detach.

If you have a buddy or buddies... .   have them go with you.  As a witness.  Always.

Blines will create a situation... .   and call 911.

They are very convincing.

You will spend months trying to unravel a false accusation.

You need to keep your distance.  Under no circumstances should you put yourself

in a situation where a Bline unexspectially meets you where there is no one else around.

As mentioned, you need to be careful.  Very careful.

Reason doesn't compute with a Bline.

Use the buddy system if you go back to your place.