half truths

[hellokitty4]

Sometimes I feel like she's making me think I'm crazy!

Close BPDfriend went to Florida with her family for Spring break and Easter. Yesterday at about 12:45pm Florida time, she sent me a text saying they were packing up and leaving. We are in the NW suburbs of IL. Last night I had sent her a text saying that I wanted to call her but it was probably inconvenient.  Either they're in the car or in a hotel room with the 3 kids. All she said was that her "butt hurts." Okay... .   I had a sneaking suspicion that she was closer to home than what she led me to believe... .   This morning I swung by her street and there was the rental van parked on her driveway. I so wished I was wrong.

Why am I bothered by this? Well because we communicated on and off and there was not one mention that they were driving straight through. Up to 10:30p we were communicating... . why the mystery? Is she so narcisistic to think that I would be at her door or calling her nonstop when I find out that she's back? Sorry to dissapoint her... .   I didn't do either one. I am just so bothered because if it were the other way around, she would want to know where I am... .   BTW she didn't tell me that she made it home until I asked where she was.  All the texts were vague on both sides so she really didn't lie. It took her a while to reply to my text... .   because at that point she couldn't lie... . I would have called her on it.

Why so much mysterry? I don't get it!

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[hithere]

Is this a romantic interest?  You sound a little suspicious/possessive of her.

Maybe they did not plan on driving all night but changed their plans?  Maybe she did think you would want to see her right when she got back and she wanted time to unpack?

I guess you could just ask?

As far as lies and half truths goes I think people with BPD are so involved in their own reality that non's have a hard time relating to the things they say and do.

[inepted]

Sometimes I feel like she's making me think I'm crazy!

Close BPDfriend went to Florida with her family for Spring break and Easter. Yesterday at about 12:45pm Florida time, she sent me a text saying they were packing up and leaving. We are in the NW suburbs of IL. Last night I had sent her a text saying that I wanted to call her but it was probably inconvenient.  Either they're in the car or in a hotel room with the 3 kids. All she said was that her "butt hurts." Okay... .   I had a sneaking suspicion that she was closer to home than what she led me to believe... .   This morning I swung by her street and there was the rental van parked on her driveway. I so wished I was wrong.

Why am I bothered by this? Well because we communicated on and off and there was not one mention that they were driving straight through. Up to 10:30p we were communicating... . why the mystery? Is she so narcisistic to think that I would be at her door or calling her nonstop when I find out that she's back? Sorry to dissapoint her... .   I didn't do either one. I am just so bothered because if it were the other way around, she would want to know where I am... .   BTW she didn't tell me that she made it home until I asked where she was.  All the texts were vague on both sides so she really didn't lie. It took her a while to reply to my text... .   because at that point she couldn't lie... . I would have called her on it.

Why so much mysterry? I don't get it!

Let me ask you this, you say "Is she so narcisistic to think that I would be at her door or calling her nonstop when I find out that she's back?" but just before that you say you actually did drive past to see if she was home. Im just curious, what was the point to drive past her home?

With my pwBPD, since we broke up, I constantly notice how much she speaks in half truths to everyone. Friends, family, therapist, everyone. In a way its a form of manipulation to give off the appearance everything is fine and dandy even if its not. Other times its to try and appease everyone from all sides. From her perspective, you never asked her point blank if she was home or not, so she probably didn't feel like she needed to tell you where she was or what she was doing, unless it benefited her in some way. Why so much mystery? You already answered your own question. Had you known what was up, you would have spotted the lie. So, in a sense, by not telling you everything she never actually lied to you. Therefore, no harm, no foul. At least thats how she probably sees it.

Or I could be completely wrong. Its a dance my ex likes to do all the time though, and Ive become well acquainted with it. its up to you to sit the dance out and not play along with her though.

[hellokitty4]

I got the full story from her today. I believe her because it made sense. However, we were on text last night. It couldn't have dawned on her to tell me that they decided to leave the hotel because of the barking dog? Wouldn't you mention that to someone you were currently texting with?

This is not a romantic relationship. We are very close or so I thought. If the tables were turned she would expect the same from me. She does. She wants to know everything I am up to yet withholds her own information.

I asked her directly later. "Where are you?" Her answer "oh that's right, we're home." And then a phone call telling me what happened.

She has this thing where she does not want some people knowing when she'll be back from whatever trip she went. I was suspicious bec I don't understand the mystery. I did not drive near her house to see her. I drove there to try and prove my instincts wrong. I had a strong feeling she was going to pull what she pulled last Dec. My point is, why couldn't she just tell me. I guess it would tough to understand why I was bothered. Let's just say that if I did what she did, I will never hear the end of it.

I mentioned being narcissistic because she tends to be.

[redberry]

Hellokitty, I know exactly how you feel.  My uBPD waif friend does this to me often.  He will be very inconsistent when it comes to telling me where he is or what he is doing at times.  For instance, just the other day, we were supposed to meet to go to a movie.  We planned it during the day then when it came time to go, I texted and called him.  No answer and no reply.  The next day, I get a text apologizing, saying that his phone battery died and this crazy story about his car breaking down and not being able to afford the tow truck... .     Sure.

These kinds of things seem to happen more and more when his life is in chaos (no money, relationship problems, etc.).  I've later recognized  holes in his stories so many times and it just proved my gut right.  I've also learned that usually when he is making up these kinds of lies, he is actually doing something destructive--like gambling, drug use, risky secretive sex, etc.  Then he will scramble the next day to cover it up and "apologize," somehow painting himself as a victim so that I can't get mad.  The times I have gotten pissed and confronted him, he would stick to his story, no matter how implausible.  It was like arguing with a child and I began to doubt my sanity.  It would make me angrier because I just wanted the truth.

I wish I had advice for you, other than to check out your friend's stories for yourself and see if she is telling you the truth.  Then you have to make a decision.  If you find that you are repeatedly being lied to, maybe you want to reconsider your friendship.  That is exactly where I am right now.  Examining the friendship.  Why be friends with someone if you can't trust them and they don't show you even the most basic respect?

[briefcase]

If you resent having to keep your friend up to date on all your whereabouts and activities when she doesn't return the favor, then the best solution may be to just stop sharing all that information with her.    

[hellokitty4]

If you resent having to keep your friend up to date on all your whereabouts and activities when she doesn't return the favor, then the best solution may be to just stop sharing all that information with her.    

I have stopped sharing some information.