maria1
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« Reply #90 on: April 13, 2013, 04:46:01 PM » |
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It's so good to look forward to things! I'm happy for you. Friends are so important and so is being able to make a fool of ourselves!  I'm watching a funny rom com called 'the rebound' I never watch romantic comedies but I'm loving this one! About a middle aged woman falling in love with a younger guy after her divorce. Loving it!
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laelle
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« Reply #91 on: April 14, 2013, 11:34:20 AM » |
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Not feeling so good today, I miss him. Its just a feeling, Its just a feeling, Its just a feeling. Go take a walk.
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maria1
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« Reply #92 on: April 14, 2013, 12:03:20 PM » |
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Sorry you are feeling bad today. It will pass. I feel better today. You will feel better tomorrow. You will feel better altogether in time. You are a strong, strong fighter Laelle. We are with you.
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laelle
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« Reply #93 on: April 14, 2013, 01:42:00 PM » |
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Thank you Maria
When I feel low I think about him writing such horrid things to me while picking up hundreds of euro I had just sent him to pay his rent.
I know that money cant be gauged when it comes to love and commitment, but it sure does show he was being a shallow, selfish, unappreciative jerk.
How is it going with you today?
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LetItBe
  
Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 390
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« Reply #94 on: April 14, 2013, 01:43:52 PM » |
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Sending you lots of love, laelle.
It's true -- you will feel better. I was down yesterday but woke up feeling better today -- even went for a run! I embrace days like these lately.
No feeling is final.
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laelle
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« Reply #95 on: April 14, 2013, 01:46:09 PM » |
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Thank you NonGf How are things going for you?
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maria1
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« Reply #96 on: April 14, 2013, 04:38:01 PM » |
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Laelle- you are such a caring person I am much better today thank you. Got my kids back and showed them some parts of the rom com I'd enjoyed last night ( a lot of it was inappropriate but they managed to enjoy the story anyway).
Back in email contact with exBPD but he is who he is and I don't have the same stirred up feelings as I have in the past. Much less anyway. My path hasn't changed, even if I stop and chat with him occasionally.
Thank you for your support. I hope you are feeling better this evening x
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LetItBe
  
Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 390
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« Reply #97 on: April 14, 2013, 06:42:23 PM » |
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Thanks, laelle. I'm feeling better after going for a run earlier. It helps to keep moving and to be outdoors. Hope your day got better.
I know what you mean, Maria, by, "He is who he is." Good luck there.
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laelle
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« Reply #98 on: April 14, 2013, 10:50:57 PM » |
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Laelle- you are such a caring person I am much better today thank you. Got my kids back and showed them some parts of the rom com I'd enjoyed last night ( a lot of it was inappropriate but they managed to enjoy the story anyway).
Back in email contact with exBPD but he is who he is and I don't have the same stirred up feelings as I have in the past. Much less anyway. My path hasn't changed, even if I stop and chat with him occasionally.
Thank you for your support. I hope you are feeling better this evening x As long as "who he is" isnt hurting you.  Will write more later, its too early for me to think. 
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laelle
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« Reply #99 on: April 14, 2013, 10:58:10 PM » |
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Thanks, laelle. I'm feeling better after going for a run earlier. It helps to keep moving and to be outdoors. Hope your day got better.
I know what you mean, Maria, by, "He is who he is." Good luck there. I'm glad your feeling better. I know this is rough stuff. I long for my ex back when I know its not the best thing for me. Its amazing how our selves can be so much at odds. There isnt much from the old relationship that would be even acceptable in any new one with him. I've become a little depressed as of late. I had been walking alot, but the last few days the most ive done is walked the dog. No use beating myself up about it. I'm not perfect and there is no one else here to tell me im not either.  Keep your head up, your doing this for you. 
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maria1
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« Reply #100 on: April 15, 2013, 04:26:53 AM » |
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Laelle- you may need to feel some low stuff to grieve. You may have been holding that back a little. You are a tough cookie. We will all hold your hand however you feel
I won't let the b****** side of him hurt me. He is a sick puppy but I'm stronger now.
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laelle
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« Reply #101 on: April 15, 2013, 06:28:14 AM » |
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I think I had anger and disbelief in how he treated me at first. Yeah, I do understand why he acts as he does, but it still hurts.
The anger is starting to die and im alone. I know its something I have to go through, but its not fun.
I'm not a tough cookies, I feel pretty weak right now.
I wish you luck in your friendship with your ex. I know you will keep him at arms length and protect yourself.
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maria1
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« Reply #102 on: April 15, 2013, 07:18:54 AM » |
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It's ok to be weak and its good to let yourself grieve. That's a strength in itself.
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laelle
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« Reply #103 on: April 15, 2013, 07:36:51 AM » |
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Its been a month. Im tired of being sad. I feel like I have been sent to my room without dinner for a year.
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maria1
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« Reply #104 on: April 15, 2013, 07:40:36 AM » |
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A month isn't long? How long do you think it will take to grieve?
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laelle
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« Reply #105 on: April 15, 2013, 08:26:37 AM » |
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I know I will grieve a long long time, but I hate it. How can a relationship where the guy calls you a loser and a vampire hurt so much. He doesnt deserve my grief.
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maria1
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« Reply #106 on: April 15, 2013, 08:43:02 AM » |
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No he doesn't deserve your grief but you do. And that will be a lot of grief because I'm guessing you are grieving for you and not actually for him. For him partly but more because you couldn't make him into the lovely person he so almost could have been. That really, really hurts. I almost got Mr Absolutely Perfect, trouble is those little imperfections (spitting in people's faces, sleeping with other women)... .
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laelle
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« Reply #107 on: April 15, 2013, 08:59:48 AM » |
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I just miss him. I dont miss him for what he could have been. I liked the person he was minus the running off and ignoring me or raging at me when he didnt want to deal with me.
There is no stability in that. As far as expecting him to be Mr perfect... . not a chance.
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maria1
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« Reply #108 on: April 15, 2013, 10:55:27 AM » |
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It's ok to miss him. Funny thing though. I don't miss mine now. He doesn't seem to be who I thought he was. Maybe I've just got over him. Like any break up we get there in the end.
You will. It just takes time. X
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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #109 on: April 15, 2013, 11:40:00 AM » |
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Laelle, It's ok to feel weak and sad. I feel some of that today. But I do not want her back right now. There are many aspects of the relationship that I miss, but she was too inconsistent in her feelings about us. One day is was love, the next it was push away. It got to where I was in a constant state of anxiety wondering if she was going to break it off again. That's no way to be involved with someone you love. I know she was sick, but it's important for me to know I can depend on consistency. How can I be consistent in giving myself the love today that I wanted to give her? How can I treat myself with respect? Hang in there, Laelle.
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laelle
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« Reply #110 on: April 15, 2013, 12:02:00 PM » |
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Hey Phoenix, sorry to hear your day wasnt so great either. I hope tomorrow is better for both of us. My poor French teacher got the bulk of my frustration today.
I know I was scammed. I just cant grieve him anymore. Its like grieving for the burglar who came in an took everything you have and then fled the scene. You wouldnt
Going to take a weekend trip somewhere this weekend. Dont know where yet, maybe Evian les bains.
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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #111 on: April 15, 2013, 12:14:30 PM » |
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Thanks, I'm ok, just feel blah and insecure today. I don't feel confident. It will come back, though. I was considering a weekend trip myself. I have some friends who are going camping. I might take my motorcycle out there to the lake. On a lighter note, do you know what the termite had for breakfast? Oak-meal 
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laelle
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« Reply #112 on: April 15, 2013, 12:26:50 PM » |
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 Thanks for the joke, I really needed that.  :)ont have my sense of humor hat on today, but I will make it up to you. Blah and Insecure! Exactly how I feel. Camping sounds like a great idea. I use to camp the entire summer when I was younger.  Watch out for the snakes. Two things I dont like about camping. Public outhouses and snakes. Amazing how many wonderful memories I have of pork n beans and trying to find the toilets in the dark. I hope you decide to go and have a fantastic time. You cant really camp here. The gypsies take all camping spaces to live in.
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laelle
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« Reply #113 on: April 16, 2013, 05:51:00 AM » |
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I'm much better today. I dont want him even near me. Doing personal inventory more than once is helpful. I have so much to gain from keeping him out of my life, and so little for him in it.
I'm just bored, lonely and need attention... . Its just my codependency talking and I will get over it.
thank you guys for all your help yesterday, it was a bad day.
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laelle
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« Reply #114 on: April 16, 2013, 09:39:45 AM » |
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Just got back from the vet. My dog was showing aggressive behavior, howling while Im gone, barking and hyperactive.
The vet says he was taken from his mommy too early and was not taught coping skills that he needed to know. So he gets angry and barks, howls for him mommy, and lives in the moment because he is hyperactive and does not have the ability to remember one second from the next.
Oh fantastic.
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maria1
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« Reply #115 on: April 16, 2013, 09:52:30 AM » |
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Oh laelle- this made me smile. At least you can retrain a dog with dog treats. I just typed fog treats by mistake! Just don't look in his eyes and keep him well walked. And give him a good pat every now and again. And thank your lucky stars he is just a dog! 
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laelle
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« Reply #116 on: April 16, 2013, 10:11:30 AM » |
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 It rang a bit true for me, but you know it helped me see things better if you can believe that. I love my dog and he truly cant help that he didnt get what he needed and behaves as he does. He's not holding out on me, he doesnt have the ability to. I am going to get him the help he needs as he cant get it for himself. He has a collar and a plug in incense that smells like his mommy, he has doggy xanax and a collar that shoots him in the face with citronella when he barks. While he is sleepy from the xanax I have to make changes like feeding him twice a day for only 10 minutes at a time. Cant sleep on the beds and ignore his bad behavior. After a time with a Xanax he is going to go on a drug that will help him to learn better. I may not be his mommy, but I will have to do. 
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laelle
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« Reply #117 on: April 16, 2013, 10:27:25 AM » |
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It was kinda funny and sad at the same time. He would smell the vet, go to the other end of the room, turn around and come smell the vet again and again. Vet says he doesnt remember that he had already smelled him and just keeps repeating.  house smells like citronella now. Dumb dog.
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maria1
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« Reply #118 on: April 16, 2013, 12:49:04 PM » |
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I'm sorry, didn't mean to make light of it. You can definitely change the dog through behavioural stuff and that is good
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laelle
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« Reply #119 on: April 16, 2013, 01:02:11 PM » |
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LOL, what are you sorry for? I didnt find your post offensive in the slightest. I was only thinking about how sometimes people /animals missed out on some stuff from when they were little and it effects their relationship with the world. My dog will be fine. He has stopped barking already.  I would never be upset with you.
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