Is a private psych eval worth it?

[momtara]

I have been told they are REALLY expensive if you pay for a private one.  We have little kids, so my fear is that if I don't do it, I will regret it.  But various lawyers have told me it rarely changes anything.  So I'd like to know all of your experiences in getting one done on your BPD spouse.

[livednlearned]

Other members here (I'm thinking Matt in particular) say that psych evals on their own are not as impactful as when you get an expert witness to testify how BPD affects the kids.

There are people with mental health disorders who function well in society and can care for their children, provided they are in treatment and/or taking medication. Your judge may even be one of them, or have a family member who is. So showing that your spouse has BPD alone may not persuade your case one way or another. Actually, my L said it could actually blow back in my face if I focused on the mental health stuff.

More important is documenting the pattern of behavior. I'm at the point now with N/BPDx's track record that I don't need to hire anyone to show that he is disordered. His behavior alone demonstrates his own inability to regulate his emotions and work cooperatively with me to make sure we focus on the best interests of S11.

In my case, N/BPDx had some kind of psychotic episode one night while caring for S11. That led to having the parenting coordinator ask him to get a psych eval. I haven't seen the results, and in my state, the results are to be seen only by the Ls and the judge. I have just filed for sole legal custody, and the psych eval may factor in with all the other evidence, but I don't know yet.

You also want to be certain that you ask for an objective psych eval. The psych eval that N/BPDx was basically an interview and then a take-home questionnaire in which he self reports. If it is like other forms I've seen him fill out, he never answers them honestly -- ie. he does not disclose that he has a mother who is dx and medicated for bipolar II.

[momtara]

How did you get a parenting coordinator?  Did that cost you money?

[livednlearned]

The parenting coordinator happened after N/BPDx and I were deposed by our two Ls.

Sometimes, PCs are ordered by the court, especially in high-conflict divorces. PCs are more common in some states than others -- they essentially have an extension of judicial duties.

If you live in a state that uses PCs and want one for your case, do your research very carefully. Make sure you get one who has a psychology degree and not a JD. My PC was very good (she trains them in our area) and our PC order was written in a way that I felt somewhat protected. But there are people who consider PCs to be trashcans for money.

My PC order said that I paid 25% of the cost. Our initial retainer was $1600. We blew through that fairly quickly, and then N/BPDx threatened her   and she went to court to get guidance from the judge about how to handle him. So it worked in my favor, but some people have had experiences with PCs where they took money under the table from the disordered ex.