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> Topic:
Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
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Topic: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact (Read 734 times)
mtmc01
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 169
Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
on:
April 07, 2013, 12:33:21 AM »
So, my ex had finally responded to some of my texts where I was saying I hoped we were on good terms, etc. She was very short and emotionless (boundaries I guess in a normal person), but IMO it's not in the healthy way so much as because she moved onto another guy already (met him just before she left, to the best of my intuition, they started dating a few weeks after at the latest... . she left 7 weeks ago). I had asked if I could say goodbye to her and our puppy (now 'her' puppy) and she said she "had to pray on it" (suddenly is super Christian and prays about everything). She didn't know that I knew about her and this guy. So I finally sent:
"Hey don't worry about the whole stopping by thing. I've known for a while that you've moved on already, and it's time I let go and do the same. Take care of yourself. Good luck with the new guy."
She didn't (and won't) respond, thankfully. It might not have been the most mature or "right" thing to do, but I needed to do it. I couldn't let her hold this one last thing over me, just to crap on me again. I think she was loving the attention I was giving her and hearing how I wanted her back and was being so overly nice just to try to get any sort of response out of her. At least I feel like I ended this torture on my terms as much as I could... . even though not really. For some reason, sending that felt good. I'm sure she would have expected some sort of angry freak out if she thought I knew about this guy, but she didn't get the satisfaction. Now, it's time for NC for good and truly expunging her from my life.
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Hurt llama
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Relationship status: single
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Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #1 on:
April 07, 2013, 01:24:15 AM »
Sounds like you were pretty mild actually and it's 'funny' (not) how things we say not only can mean less than nothing but if it's trying to upset them this won't really do it (in my experience)... .
Not that I suggest upsetting your ex or anything but academically speaking... . it would be more effective for her to know that YOU have moved on... .
My ex has been in and on again off again relationship for 10 months (the off times she saw me( yet when I told her I was in a relationship she texted me she couldn't handle knowing about it and could not be in touch with me anymore.
You being happy with someone else will hurt her infinitely more than anything you can say about her with someone else... .
Not that we ever want to hurt them!
It's so childish that it's almost funny (but obviously not)... . even now that we are starting to see each other, her post bf and me post gf of 3 weeks, she STILL mentions how much it bothered and bothers her and asked me if she looked better than my gf. Could not believe it.
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mtmc01
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 169
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #2 on:
April 07, 2013, 01:28:03 AM »
I was trying to be mild. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me living up to her smear campaign. I felt like an idiot for asking her if I could "say goodbye" before moving, and this was just my way of ending contact for good. She has me blocked on FB, so unless she tries some weird measure, she'll never know when I start seeing someone else. Whatever, doesn't matter, and it potentially saves a headache... .
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paperlung
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #3 on:
April 07, 2013, 02:08:02 AM »
When you say she is now suddenly super Christian... . Does that have anything to do with her new partner? Is she mirroring?
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mtmc01
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 169
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #4 on:
April 07, 2013, 02:11:32 AM »
It has more to do with AA I think, but I'm sure the partner plays into it. She started going to AA after her final drunken blowup at Christmas, and she just had to go find a super Christian sponsor who was an older woman. Her sponsor thought it was this huge problem that I wasn't Christian and agreed with everything about the "big book" except the more religious-oriented stuff. She started going to church and meeting with a church group without telling me. And yes, I have found out that this guy she's seeing is in that church group.
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HarmKrakow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #5 on:
April 07, 2013, 05:50:25 AM »
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 01:28:03 AM
I was trying to be mild. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me living up to her smear campaign. I felt like an idiot for asking her if I could "say goodbye" before moving, and this was just my way of ending contact for good. She has me blocked on FB, so unless she tries some weird measure, she'll never know when I start seeing someone else. Whatever, doesn't matter, and it potentially saves a headache... .
How about you change your telephone number and
DELETE her from facebook?
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mtmc01
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 169
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #6 on:
April 07, 2013, 04:41:07 PM »
Quote from: harmkrakow on April 07, 2013, 05:50:25 AM
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 01:28:03 AM
I was trying to be mild. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me living up to her smear campaign. I felt like an idiot for asking her if I could "say goodbye" before moving, and this was just my way of ending contact for good. She has me blocked on FB, so unless she tries some weird measure, she'll never know when I start seeing someone else. Whatever, doesn't matter, and it potentially saves a headache... .
How about you change your telephone number and
DELETE her from facebook?
I did finally block her, her new guy, her weird alternate account, and her mother's account on my Facebook. So, if she ever decides to unblock me, she's going to have a hell of a time trying to creep on what I'm up to. I blocked her on Instagram as well. She waited 24 hours until just now to respond to my text. Even though I had blocked her number last night on Verizon, I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night. She sent:
"Thanks _____
I wish you the best! May God enter your life and perform many miracles!
"
Yes, I realize that seems kind. But, the fact she had to wait 24 hours to send it tells me something weird was up. She just had to get the last word in and try to come off as the saint yet again. Barf.
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HarmKrakow
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Posts: 1226
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #7 on:
April 07, 2013, 05:20:17 PM »
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 04:41:07 PM
Quote from: harmkrakow on April 07, 2013, 05:50:25 AM
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 01:28:03 AM
I was trying to be mild. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me living up to her smear campaign. I felt like an idiot for asking her if I could "say goodbye" before moving, and this was just my way of ending contact for good. She has me blocked on FB, so unless she tries some weird measure, she'll never know when I start seeing someone else. Whatever, doesn't matter, and it potentially saves a headache... .
How about you change your telephone number and
DELETE her from facebook?
I did finally block her, her new guy, her weird alternate account, and her mother's account on my Facebook. So, if she ever decides to unblock me, she's going to have a hell of a time trying to creep on what I'm up to. I blocked her on Instagram as well. She waited 24 hours until just now to respond to my text. Even though I had blocked her number last night on Verizon, I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night. She sent:
"Thanks _____
I wish you the best! May God enter your life and perform many miracles!
"
Yes, I realize that seems kind. But, the fact she had to wait 24 hours to send it tells me something weird was up. She just had to get the last word in and try to come off as the saint yet again. Barf.
Good in regards of the FB and other stuff.
Shame though that she, at least how it feels for you, was the last one in control. I can understand that feeling because you want to feel you were the one putting the final nail in the coffin
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paperlung
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #8 on:
April 07, 2013, 08:12:53 PM »
Quote from: harmkrakow on April 07, 2013, 05:50:25 AM
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 01:28:03 AM
I was trying to be mild. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me living up to her smear campaign. I felt like an idiot for asking her if I could "say goodbye" before moving, and this was just my way of ending contact for good. She has me blocked on FB, so unless she tries some weird measure, she'll never know when I start seeing someone else. Whatever, doesn't matter, and it potentially saves a headache... .
How about you change your telephone number and
DELETE her from facebook?
I can't stress changing your number enough. If you
really
want to go NC, you gotta do it. It'd be done. Over. Finished.
She. Can't. Contact. You.
My ex probably got the message I want nothing to do with her after she dialed my old number to only find that it was no longer in service.
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MontyD
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 101
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #9 on:
April 07, 2013, 08:35:50 PM »
Excerpt
I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night.
Here in Australia you can’t block text (SMS) messages on you phone. You have to arrange that thru your service provider and it is a lot of messing around.
BUT, if you have a smart phone you can install “Extreme Call Blocker” App, works a treat. I got mine from The Pirate Bay.
True no contact is the way to go, get them out of your life. Right now I’m 200 miles out from home at a friends place and using my laptop to get on here. 33 days on N/C and that’s the way it stays.
I may have a problem when I get home. While travelling, I found several of her favorite CD’s and the remote for her front gate and her spare house keys in the car. May find a snail mail note in my mail box when I get home ?
Monty.
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Clearmind
Retired Staff
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5537
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #10 on:
April 07, 2013, 11:10:20 PM »
Eventually we need to process the underlying feelings of rejection
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mtmc01
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 169
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #11 on:
April 07, 2013, 11:22:02 PM »
Quote from: MontyD on April 07, 2013, 08:35:50 PM
Excerpt
I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night.
Here in Australia you can’t block text (SMS) messages on you phone. You have to arrange that thru your service provider and it is a lot of messing around.
BUT, if you have a smart phone you can install “Extreme Call Blocker” App, works a treat. I got mine from The Pirate Bay.
True no contact is the way to go, get them out of your life. Right now I’m 200 miles out from home at a friends place and using my laptop to get on here. 33 days on N/C and that’s the way it stays.
I may have a problem when I get home. While travelling, I found several of her favorite CD’s and the remote for her front gate and her spare house keys in the car. May find a snail mail note in my mail box when I get home ?
Monty.
I think I will change my number once I move. But, if she ever wanted to find a way to contact me, there's not much I could do to stop her. She has the numbers of my family and friends, my email address (yes, could change that, but it'd be a huge hassle), and she could always create an account on Facebook to send me a message. But, I suppose moving across the country is in a way a finality in itself.
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HarmKrakow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #12 on:
April 08, 2013, 03:47:18 AM »
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 11:22:02 PM
Quote from: MontyD on April 07, 2013, 08:35:50 PM
Excerpt
I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night.
Here in Australia you can’t block text (SMS) messages on you phone. You have to arrange that thru your service provider and it is a lot of messing around.
BUT, if you have a smart phone you can install “Extreme Call Blocker” App, works a treat. I got mine from The Pirate Bay.
True no contact is the way to go, get them out of your life. Right now I’m 200 miles out from home at a friends place and using my laptop to get on here. 33 days on N/C and that’s the way it stays.
I may have a problem when I get home. While travelling, I found several of her favorite CD’s and the remote for her front gate and her spare house keys in the car. May find a snail mail note in my mail box when I get home ?
Monty.
I think I will change my number once I move. But, if she ever wanted to find a way to contact me, there's not much I could do to stop her. She has the numbers of my family and friends, my email address (yes, could change that, but it'd be a huge hassle), and she could always create an account on Facebook to send me a message. But, I suppose moving across the country is in a way a finality in itself.
I am truly thinking of changing my email address. I mean, your email is such a huge daily ritual. To change that, to change your email address, in a way such a 'simple' thing, by changing that, it's a huge difference.
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paperlung
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448
Re: Finally quit torturing myself by trying to stay in contact
«
Reply #13 on:
April 08, 2013, 03:51:27 AM »
Quote from: mtmc01 on April 07, 2013, 11:22:02 PM
Quote from: MontyD on April 07, 2013, 08:35:50 PM
Excerpt
I can still get her texts for some reason. It put me in such a bad mood. I was feeling pretty good last night.
Here in Australia you can’t block text (SMS) messages on you phone. You have to arrange that thru your service provider and it is a lot of messing around.
BUT, if you have a smart phone you can install “Extreme Call Blocker” App, works a treat. I got mine from The Pirate Bay.
True no contact is the way to go, get them out of your life. Right now I’m 200 miles out from home at a friends place and using my laptop to get on here. 33 days on N/C and that’s the way it stays.
I may have a problem when I get home. While travelling, I found several of her favorite CD’s and the remote for her front gate and her spare house keys in the car. May find a snail mail note in my mail box when I get home ?
Monty.
I think I will change my number once I move. But, if she ever wanted to find a way to contact me, there's not much I could do to stop her. She has the numbers of my family and friends, my email address (yes, could change that, but it'd be a huge hassle), and she could always create an account on Facebook to send me a message. But, I suppose moving across the country is in a way a finality in itself.
Yeah... . my ex still ended up calling my house (I still live at home with my family) and she talked to my mom for a bit. Nothing along the lines of wanting me back, but just to let me know I was right in my assumption that she had BPD; she apparently went to the doctor herself and got diagnosed. Doubt she's taking it seriously, though. If she was, I doubt she'd be taking a "trip" to Utah next month with some guy she hasn't even known for very long. SMH
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