Magical thinking did not work.

[ddz]

Hi all,

I was here long ago, when the board was new, and left, not because things got better, but because. . . . I'm not sure why. I think I felt that posting was taking the place of doing, and maybe I'd make more progress if I didn't spend so much time here.  If that makes sense. Nothing in the BP world makes sense sometimes. My wife is undiagnosed BPD, but she sure fits the bill, when she gets stressed and goes into a rage -- I'd say she reverts to a hostile and frustrated 3-year old.  She has a history of severe childhood abuse (of her), and I think that's what bubbles up.  When she's not in a rage, she's usually very decent and loving, though sensitive to slights.  Part of the reason I'm coming back here is that I feel I am wearing down; when the rages happen and I'm the target, or even just in the way, I find myself getting "stupid"-- my brain shuts down and making decisions, or even acting, becomes harder; like a fog. One more thing I want to add -- looking  back, I am amazed at how much I was in shock or trauma after her first few rages; I presumed she was "normal" and found it so hard to believe that I was so "good" or so "bad', depending on her mood. Oh yeah, I'm a well matured adult, long-time married, with two teenage kids.

And I'm back because things have not somehow miraculously changed.  Magical thinking did not work.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

Welcome back, ddz2

I have only been around here a little over a year, so I'm sure I don't know you from way-back-then.

And I'm back because things have not somehow miraculously changed.  Magical thinking did not work.

Yup on that one. If magical thinking did work, these forums wouldn't exist!

Instead, we're all about things that do work. I hear you saying that raging is just wiping you out these days. There are a lot of things you can do... .   but simply getting yourself out of the line of fire is a good start. Here's some times on how to do it:

How to take a time out

Best of luck to you next time you need a break.