Shocked, not shocked ... recycling at its finest

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My fiance had been in a long (6 year) relationship with another girl, off and on, until 3 years ago. When I first met him, he was dating her. The week she moved out, he contacted me for a date - which I didn't agree to, obviously. A year after that, he and I got together (I refused to be a rebound) and things were good. For a bit. I always felt badly for her, especially when he told me she was always jealous and suspicious of me. I knew that he never spoke kindly of her, or even would say hello when we'd run into her. There was no contact at all - in fact, he'd cringe when her name came up in conversation. We found out late last year, she was seeing a girl - and he was completely indifferent.

Well, imagine my shock to find out that he was seen (by a friend of mine) "all over her" on Saturday night - and since then, they're back to being facebook/twitter friends. Even her going as far as to retweet a sappy text of his from a month ago about "meeting someone and things finally make sense again".

At this point, i'm shocked - to a point. I know all about recycling, at this point, but its not ruining my day. In fact, I feel like laughing. Sure, there's doubt that I have that he was so "over" her - and it sucks, because I know his family adored her, much like me. In fact, his family members have told me, since our split, the way he treated me with the breakup is exactly what he did to her. I'm not sure what her mental state is, to go back ... .   or his, to think its a good idea, after sticking so tight to his guns about black and white... .  

[lostkitten]

My fiance had been in a long (6 year) relationship with another girl, off and on, until 3 years ago. When I first met him, he was dating her. The week she moved out, he contacted me for a date - which I didn't agree to, obviously. A year after that, he and I got together (I refused to be a rebound) and things were good. For a bit. I always felt badly for her, especially when he told me she was always jealous and suspicious of me. I knew that he never spoke kindly of her, or even would say hello when we'd run into her. There was no contact at all - in fact, he'd cringe when her name came up in conversation. We found out late last year, she was seeing a girl - and he was completely indifferent.

Well, imagine my shock to find out that he was seen (by a friend of mine) "all over her" on Saturday night - and since then, they're back to being facebook/twitter friends. Even her going as far as to retweet a sappy text of his from a month ago about "meeting someone and things finally make sense again".

At this point, i'm shocked - to a point. I know all about recycling, at this point, but its not ruining my day. In fact, I feel like laughing. Sure, there's doubt that I have that he was so "over" her - and it sucks, because I know his family adored her, much like me. In fact, his family members have told me, since our split, the way he treated me with the breakup is exactly what he did to her. I'm not sure what her mental state is, to go back ... .   or his, to think its a good idea, after sticking so tight to his guns about black and white... .  

[BradyK]

Hi lostkitten,

I can see why you would be both shocked and not shocked. It is shocking, given what he said and how he acted with you!  And also not shocking at all, given what you understand about BPD behavior.

Of course you can never know precisely what either his or her "mental state" is or was. Glad it is not ruining your day! Good for you.