Can BPD rage change targets?

[ddz]

Query:  My wife is undiagnosed BPD, and just had one of the worst meltdowns in years. It's getting harder for me to handle this, but I'm more concerned about our 16-year-old daughter. Daughter is sweet and talented and wants to do well; mom usually likes this, but during her rages at me gets grumpy -- not raging but btching -- toward daughter.I'm beginning to fear that as daughter becomes more independent, mom will feel threatened and someday explode at her. 

Any thoughts?

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[Somewhere]

Our 10 Year Old daughter was concerned about that.

I can just tell you how we handled this.

Mrs. Somewhere (uBPD traits) was going on weekly rages towards me after she returned from rehab (eating disorder, this time, but has had prior bouts with Alcohol, Drugs, Self Injury) about 3 to 4 months ago. In my absence during the work-week, she was raging towards our daughter about me.

Daughter asked me for help, and the school therapist recommended Alateen, as we are an AA family (Mrs. Somewhere in AA, me in Alanon). While I was out of town, Mrs. Somewhere refused to take our daughter to Alateen, although the place is less than a 1/4 mile away. It is so close we can walk, easily. So when I got home I took our daughter to Alateen on a Sunday night at another place about 10 miles away. Mrs. went absolutely berserk. Oh well. Screamed at me until midnight, and when I went to sleep, she was on the phone most of the night at her mom, and still going the next morning with her sponsor. Again . . . oh well. Our daughter got help. Alateen has been great for her, and I have been talking her to the Sunday meetings.

Meanwhile. Mrs. Somewhere was sort of pissing and moaning about it, but we finally had a real conversation about it (and somehow I grew a pair of balls) and told her that she had been harming our daughter with the crazy rants, and that was why our daughter is in Alateen. She went very quiet.

But here is the good part. Last Tuesday night they both walked to the local AA/Alanon/Alateen together. Daughter for the Alateen meeting, and Mrs. for the Women's Meeting. No btching, no complaining, just happy to be happy and helpful. And I guess We All Know for a BPD -- that is some Mighty Big Repentance.

I am so happy I want to cry.  Daughter says I cannot tell Mrs. Somewhere "Thank You," for at least two weeks, but should do so before four weeks. Ok. The kid seems to understand the rules of Mrs. Somewhere's crazyland far better than I do.