How long did you know your BPD before you got married or marriage was brought up

[hell0kitty]

Just curious. My BF said it was within the first 3 months that she was planning their wedding and he wasn't even divorced and never mentioned/had an intention of proposing.  He has been told by several of her friends and family that she never forgave him for not wanting to get married.

Now she is pregnant and married at month 6 in her new relationship. Seems pretty rash.

What is your story?  I always find the resemblances in pathology interesting.

[hithere]

We spoke about marriage in the first few weeks... .  

[DreamGirl]

Eeek. I might fall into this pathology. So for that matter, my husband too.  

For me, I do think it had a lot to do with emotional maturity... .  

My husband dated his ex-wife off and on for 5 years before they got married; they were married for 8 years. I wasn't really there for that relationship, so not sure why marriage took so long.

However, my husband and I dated for 5 months before we moved in together. Married less then a year after that. We've been together for almost 9 years now.  

Come to think of it, I married my last husband after being together for just over a year and we only stayed married for 2. (In my defense, I was 20.)  

My husband's ex-wife jumps into relationships pretty quickly. Her last marriage lasted 15 months and they were engaged after 2 months. She's doing better this time around with the last boyfriend, they've been dating for a year now and no marriage plans (at least that I've heard).

I do know that my SDs don't bond very quickly to her boyfriends anymore. My middle SD once saying, after the second one in three months ran for the hills, "it's OK, she can just find another one on the computer".

Part of what I adore about them. Their resilience in such matters.  

[marbleloser]

6 months and then pregnancy.We got married after we found out.She had been married twice before.No kiddos till me.

First marriage lasted a year.Second was 6 months.I'm the dumbass that stuck around 20 years.

Since seperation in Feb 2012,she's been through at least 8 guys that I know of.

[hell0kitty]

It is interesting, my therapist and I talked about the fact she has been openly telling people she is getting married for his greencard.  I could not understand why she would say that to people, since she is, after all pregnant.  She could just say that is why the rush.  My therapist pointed out that this gives her control.  She is likely fearful already that the relationship could end, and now if it does, she has a built in excuse for the reason why.  Also, she can control her new husband, when he gets out of line, she has his citizenship in her hands, and can hang this over his head. 

I never really looked at it from that angle, but it does ring true and falls right in line with her past relationships.

[scraps66]

Four months... .   at which point she had "forgotten" to take her birth control.

[GaGrl]

My DH met his ex in Thailand during his assignment in 72-73 (toward end of Vietnam conflict). She worked in a restaurant/bar across the road from the Army facility -- not a "bargirl" in that she did have a job there and wasn't required to take venereal disease tests once a month and show her pink card to get into the bar to socialize with the American men -- although VD tests would have been a good idea for her, God knows.  She had already announced to her family and people in the village that she would marry an American and go to the U.S.  The first boyfriend she brought to the village did not marry her.  My DH was the second.  In Thailand, if a girl brings a suitor to her village and introduces him to her family, it is pretty much an announcement of intent to marry.  Had she not married DH, her reputation would have been compromised.  Many marriages are still arranged in Thailand, and her family would have had difficulty arranging a marriage to someone known to have had several relationships with American GIs.  She was 17, DH was 22.

So they met in September and they had a Buddhist ceremony in the village in November but did not register the marriage in the government office.  :)H got her a fiance visa to go home with him to the U.S. (for some reason, it's much easier even today to obtain a fiance visa than one based on an existing marriage), and they had a civil ceremony at the courthouse shortly after arriving home the following July.

Between November '72 and July '73, DH saw multiple red flags but attributed them to her immaturity.  He says he honestly believed that bringing her to the U.S. and supporting her in a good, Christian-based marriage and family would help her mature.  He knows his naivete played in to the entire situation.  In spite of all that followed, he stayed in the marriage until she actually moved out of the house with one of her boyfriends -- 19 years.  It was another 14 years before we reconnected (I had known him as a teen) and we were married within 10 months.

[momtara]

We got engaged after a year, but we were really only dating 6 months first, because he kept breaking up and getting back together with his ex gf.

[coffee shop]

I married a BPD/NPD 2 months after he asked me, which was about 20 months after we started dating. We didn't talk about marriage until he proposed.     

[owdrs]

Third date while being intimate... .   she loved me. After six weeks she wanted to marry me. Never a proposal, she brought up getting married and then said I agreed when she brought the dress home.

owdrs

[Shanley]

How does this question relate to Family Law, divorce or Custody?

And isn't pretty clear to everyone posting in this section that people who suffer from BPD rarely make clear minded and careful decisions? What's the point of rehashing this?

[BPDdaddy]

Similar to owdrs.  We were young, so I didn't know any better.  After first few dates, I gave her a promise ring saying that we should date, and then she bought a wedding dress.  While I tried to clear everything up with those who knew us--letting them know that we were just dating--it was pretty much set in stone the moment she purchased the dress.  Now, after putting me in a no win situation and with two kids, she wants me dead--pretty much.