His life sucks now.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I feel terrible. I miss my best friend, I miss my dreams and all of that - obviously, I would. I went on a last-minute trip out of town last week (which was great!) and he happened to email me as I was sitting in the airport. Hes admitted, even though he had denied in the past, that he's been "lurking" my facebook and twitter pages since he unfriended me. Thats fine - I have nothing to hide.

He said this week he's dealing with things in his own way - and it's been just as difficult for him as me. Really?  I don't believe that one bit. However, he did say a few things, that made me really feel sorry for him.

He's living with his parents, still, since February. He's saving at least $1K a month doing this, and has ZERO debt. He has no car payments. Hes said he's "saving more money". Additionally, his band broke up - not of his choice, from what i've heard. Plus, he lost our amazing apartment and now is nearly 30 and living with his parents. He's lost more than he's gained since we split.

He is still not coming out and saying he still loves me - in fact, he did come out and say "I am not in love with you anymore, and thats that." But, if thats that, why the emails? Why the constant discussion, and why the keeping tabs?

[lostkitten]

I feel terrible. I miss my best friend, I miss my dreams and all of that - obviously, I would. I went on a last-minute trip out of town last week (which was great!) and he happened to email me as I was sitting in the airport. Hes admitted, even though he had denied in the past, that he's been "lurking" my facebook and twitter pages since he unfriended me. Thats fine - I have nothing to hide.

He said this week he's dealing with things in his own way - and it's been just as difficult for him as me. Really?  I don't believe that one bit. However, he did say a few things, that made me really feel sorry for him.

He's living with his parents, still, since February. He's saving at least $1K a month doing this, and has ZERO debt. He has no car payments. Hes said he's "saving more money". Additionally, his band broke up - not of his choice, from what i've heard. Plus, he lost our amazing apartment and now is nearly 30 and living with his parents. He's lost more than he's gained since we split.

He is still not coming out and saying he still loves me - in fact, he did come out and say "I am not in love with you anymore, and thats that." But, if thats that, why the emails? Why the constant discussion, and why the keeping tabs?

[turtle]

However, he did say a few things, that made me really feel sorry for him.

He's living with his parents, still, since February. He's saving at least $1K a month doing this, and has ZERO debt. He has no car payments. Hes said he's "saving more money". Additionally, his band broke up - not of his choice, from what i've heard. Plus, he lost our amazing apartment and now is nearly 30 and living with his parents. He's lost more than he's gained since we split.

um... .   boo hoo hoo.  He's obviously telling you his CHOSEN story of woe so you'll feel sorry for him.

Why should you feel sorry for him?   There are many, many people who would like to be saving $1K and month and have ZERO debt.

And... .   bands break up all the time.  Not fun, but it goes with the territory.

30 and living with his parents?  HIS choice.

And so... .   he emailed you with his pitiful life circumstances    I hope you didn't respond, but if you did, what did you say?

turtle

[lostkitten]

However, he did say a few things, that made me really feel sorry for him.

He's living with his parents, still, since February. He's saving at least $1K a month doing this, and has ZERO debt. He has no car payments. Hes said he's "saving more money". Additionally, his band broke up - not of his choice, from what i've heard. Plus, he lost our amazing apartment and now is nearly 30 and living with his parents. He's lost more than he's gained since we split.

um... .   boo hoo hoo.  He's obviously telling you his CHOSEN story of woe so you'll feel sorry for him.

Why should you feel sorry for him?   There are many, many people who would like to be saving $1K and month and have ZERO debt.

And... .   bands break up all the time.  Not fun, but it goes with the territory.

30 and living with his parents?  HIS choice.

And so... .   he emailed you with his pitiful life circumstances    I hope you didn't respond, but if you did, what did you say?

turtle

I had a few margaritas in me when I did - and I nicely told him how wonderful its been for me to travel and see old friends and how he really should try it sometime! Oof. Havent heard anything back ... .   which is suprising. I was certain i'd hear from him yesterday  - it was one year to the day he proposed.

[turtle]

Margaritas, huh?  .  You should share those with the rest of us. .

So... .   what do you want to happen here lostkitten.  He's supposedly off with someone else, yet his telling YOU about his pitiful life.

What do you want?

[mitchell16]

lostkitten, that is interesting. Mine in the past would call me up and tell me how terrible things were going for her since we split, how she missed her best friend, how I was the only one that knew her, blah, blah blah. and this always led up to a recycle. I think she used all thas as a probe to see where i was at emotionaly before go full force to get me back. If I didnt respond the way she wanted, she would abort but if I did she turned it up full force. She used it as a safe way to gauge where i was at with out running the risk of rejection. She also wanted to use me as her support system. But reading your post made me remember one incident. We had been split for about 3 weeks, one night while drunk she called and was telling me how she missed me and loved me and wished it could work out and i was telling her the same. The next morning she called and asked did we need to talk about anything else. I was confused, I asked are we not getting back together. She said "what made you think I wanted back" i reminded her of the things that were said and she said I ment all of it but I was drunk and lonely. I dont want back. Didnt her from her for another two weeks. Then I was recycled. So she used me that night for her fix, she was drunk and lonely and wanted to hear that someone loved her and missed her. Once she got her fix, she was gone.

[elessar]

this forum is addicting because stories like what mitchell16 said has been true to the word for me. . it is amazing how similar their behaviors are. mine always came back when 1. drunk and lonely 2. had nightmares.

[lostkitten]

At the end of the day, every day, I want my best friend back in my life.

There was a lot of texts back and forth between us these past few days ... .   so I nicely said I missed him and i'd like to meet up for dinner or something - to talk face to face (I have only seen him once in 4 months, we ran into each other publicly and didnt talk). He told me "I don't know if I can do that, I don't think i'm at that point yet". I feel some relief - I put it out there, and i've taken the high road and no matter what - been nice to him, even when he's not able to treat me the same way.

He has to miss me, he has to - otherwise, he'd be able to leave me alone and not constantly be back and forth with me.

[mitchell16]

lostkitten, I do think they miss us. But I think it comes and goes. Kinda in spurts. Mine would always tell me she missed me and I do believe her. But she cant maintain it. I have found she miss me the most when her friends are all gone and she is completely all alone. Its been 3 weeks sicne I have hear anything from mine, so I figure she ahs moved on for the moment. But she didn make an appearanc this week wheer I eat my lunch at. Im sure it was to let me see her. But it also my experience its not missing us like we miss them. I feel like they miss us becasue it just fills a void in their life. We miss them, the loss of love, loss of relationship, loss of all our future plans, they dont look at it the same.