take it or leave it

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We've been trading email and IMs for the past 3 weeks. After a 5 month NC. She's very guarded about telling me what she's been up to. I can see the influence of another guy in her life. She's Muslim in Muslim country but she's using a lot of catholic terminology. I know she had a catholic guy friend. I'm glad.

So when she contacted me, the BPD idealization started... .   Just like in the very beginning 4 years ago. I told her I didn't want to return to the hell of last year. I told her I just wanted to write. We had some good "get it off your chest" sessions about the past. She didn't run away. Then she started with the "i love you"s. I just sent hugs. Then today she wanted to know if I was going to apply for a new marriage visa. (I canceled last year). As I was preparing my response, which probably would have included some hopeful words for the future... .   She wanted to know NOW.

Sio I told her... .  no waffling words either. I want to share words, thoughts and feelings with  her. She's a very special person, I said.I said also... .   I'm not her man. She's not my woman. Don't wait for me. I only write. Take it or leave it.

She gave me some saying in her language about not having time to paddle down a drain.

Goodbye.

Ok. If she doesn't value our long distance friendship, there"s no chance that something more can grow.

I'm kinda proud of staying away from "well maybe" phrases.

But she's welcome to write. I hope she does. My best dream is to have tea with her and converse in her language, which Ive been learning. It is golden, compared to the hell of a romantic relationship. I just spent years going through a divorce (a normal and good wife) and then dealing with all the BS of this BPD's boyfriends and partial truths. I need some time to get my life back. Friends? Time will tell.

[waitaminute]

We've been trading email and IMs for the past 3 weeks. After a 5 month NC. She's very guarded about telling me what she's been up to. I can see the influence of another guy in her life. She's Muslim in Muslim country but she's using a lot of catholic terminology. I know she had a catholic guy friend. I'm glad.

So when she contacted me, the BPD idealization started... .   Just like in the very beginning 4 years ago. I told her I didn't want to return to the hell of last year. I told her I just wanted to write. We had some good "get it off your chest" sessions about the past. She didn't run away. Then she started with the "i love you"s. I just sent hugs. Then today she wanted to know if I was going to apply for a new marriage visa. (I canceled last year). As I was preparing my response, which probably would have included some hopeful words for the future... .   She wanted to know NOW.

Sio I told her... .  no waffling words either. I want to share words, thoughts and feelings with  her. She's a very special person, I said.I said also... .   I'm not her man. She's not my woman. Don't wait for me. I only write. Take it or leave it.

She gave me some saying in her language about not having time to paddle down a drain.

Goodbye.

Ok. If she doesn't value our long distance friendship, there"s no chance that something more can grow.

I'm kinda proud of staying away from "well maybe" phrases.

But she's welcome to write. I hope she does. My best dream is to have tea with her and converse in her language, which Ive been learning. It is golden, compared to the hell of a romantic relationship. I just spent years going through a divorce (a normal and good wife) and then dealing with all the BS of this BPD's boyfriends and partial truths. I need some time to get my life back. Friends? Time will tell.

[tuum est61]

Ok. If she doesn't value our long distance friendship, there"s no chance that something more can grow.

I'm kinda proud of staying away from "well maybe" phrases.

But she's welcome to write. I hope she does.

I think you are handling this quite well though your thoughts seem a little muddled.

She must be very special for you to be continuing to maintain the long distance friendship.  She doesn't seem to want to - instead wants all or nothing.  How long do you think you will need to keep this rather risky tie to someone who has treated you so poorly? 

[waitaminute]

She *was* very special. After her scorched earth emails today, she will be just a special memory. The reconnection for 3 weeks provided some closure. It's over. I wish her well.

[turtle]

She *was* very special. After her scorched earth emails today, she will be just a special memory. The reconnection for 3 weeks provided some closure. It's over. I wish her well.

It never takes very long to remember why NC is best!

turtle