Isolated?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Because no one, not your own family, friends, even your ex's family understand what you were dealing with or going through... .   does the feeling of being isolated ever go away?

I feel this experience has put me almost on a parallel life in comparison to the people in my life and has made it hard to relate to people around me sometimes. It definitely made it hard to get advice from others.  I wonder if it will ever change.  I wonder (if it visible with my own friends, etc.) if it will continue on with dating and meeting someone new.   

[changingme]

Because no one, not your own family, friends, even your ex's family understand what you were dealing with or going through... .   does the feeling of being isolated ever go away?

I feel this experience has put me almost on a parallel life in comparison to the people in my life and has made it hard to relate to people around me sometimes. It definitely made it hard to get advice from others.  I wonder if it will ever change.  I wonder (if it visible with my own friends, etc.) if it will continue on with dating and meeting someone new.   

[marbleloser]

This is normal.The feeling of being alone is part of the process.Nobody will understand it,unless they've been through it.You're in the right place,because those here have been there.

This is a time to take care of yourself.Find something you enjoy doing.A hobby,exercising,take a long hike.Let your emotions "be".Don't hold them back.

Yes,it does get better.It just takes time.Your own time.

[healinghome]

I know what you mean... .   feeling like you are living in a parallel life.  I see the unhealthy behaviours of others and can pick up on BPD and NPD a lot faster now.  I feel its almost like spending a lot of my life under water, being thrown around by the currents.  healing is like surfacing and breathing your own air for the first time, despite the manipulation of the currents.  eventually I will learn to swim strong and pd's won't come anywhere near me, nor I them.  when society feels like one big nut-house.  I remind myself that it doesn't matter what others think.  because I know the truth 

[changingme]

I tell myself that same thing everyday, several times a day: I know the truth! It is empowering.  I just hope (when the healing is complete to a point where the detaching is finally detached)that I will feel I have a place and I fit in the life around me.  That I won't be so parallel anymore. 

[Wooddragon]

I understand this feeling. For me the pain of the relationship has been compounded by feeling so alone in the aftermath. Other people who have not experienced the same thing just don't get it & trying to explain to them is worse than pointless.

I too recognise red flags quickly - I do feel stronger but also lonelier

[healinghome]

I just hope (when the healing is complete to a point where the detaching is finally detached)that I will feel I have a place and I fit in the life around me.  That I won't be so parallel anymore.

the more we heal, the bigger the gap between pd's and nons.  its hard to get some distance from pd's and just as hard to then untwist our thinking and heal from the damage done from being around them. but it can be done.  I think it is done everyday. 

[SunshineGirl123]

I am stuggling with getting out into the real world.  Work is the best I can do so far.  I guess you could say I am a two time loser.  I was married to a man for a short time who had BPD and Antisocial PD.  it was a nightmare, losing most of what I had to lawyers - he even had me arrested and put in jail.  I was healing and doing well when I met someone.  I was so on the lookout for signs of BPD that I didn't see that i had fallen for an NP.  Of course now i can see how vulnerable he knew I was and played it to the max.  We were together for almost 2 years and 3 weeks ago, he started acting a little distant and even snapped at me a few times, something he never did.  It was only one weekend that he seemed distant and not affectionate and with no warning, he ended the relationship and moved out of my home the next weekend.  We talked some and things ended on an good note.  He asked me if we could stay in contact and I said yes.  But I decided that NC was the way to go.  I had to with the BPD ex and know that is the only way to heal.  I only discovered the NP part in talking to one of his best friends and my therapist.  Both used the N word and once I started reading about the disorder, everything fell into place.  Of course, in reading about it, I realize he never loved me and I can't believe all the nice things he said to me.  I was simply the current supply.  He traveled during the week, but kept in close contact every day.  I did, from the start, notice he watched women all the time whenever we went someplace.  I brought it up a few times and he would totally retreat into himself and not talk to me.  This happened a few times and I realized I was walking on eggshells, knowing if I brought it up, he would bolt.  He agreed to counseling and I did my part and when I asked him if he had made an appt, that is when he ended it.  He still has keys to my house that he "forgot" to return the two times he came for his stuff and emailed me twice, one time giving me his new address.  I can't figure that out.  He had very little dating experience when we met and I think he realized there was alot more out there and dropped me and never looked back.  We did get along so well and seemed to have alot in common, but now I realize it was mirroring.  His own kids told him I was a better person than he was, but that he was a better man since knowing me.  That was a nice compliment and I am surprised he told me.  I always thought there was something off with his emotions, but couldn't quite put my finger on it.

he was on dating sites within a week of leaving.  Moving on for fresh supply.

I may venture out there again someday, and hope I am smarter and can see the signs.  I seem to attract this type of man because I am a very nice, trusting, honest, giving person.  I won't change who I am for anyone.  Thanks for listening.  I do tend to isolate myself and am working on making myself get out there and enjoy life.  This site is a livesaver!  thank you!

[changingme]

Hi sunshinegirl,

I think you sound smarter already and don't beat yourself up over the fact you had 2 relationships with similar issues, isn't that the equivalent of some of the stories we read dealing with one BPD person for countless years?  Your character traits we all possess and you sound like you are still doing the work within yourself so you no longer put yourself in a similar situation going forward as am I. 

healinghome - I agree, I think the detaching is done a little everyday and the gap can get smaller for my life and the people in it

wooddragon - It is definitely pointless.  I couldn't even get my own parent's to understand, I think that made me feel the loneliest and it hurts too.  The other issue I have is that since he is undiagnosed I don't think it is my place to blab to the word this is what he has so that they can understand me especially out of respect because he is the father of my child. We live in the same town, way too many ties and I don't feel right trying to show people I know what really happened. b The only person that can see a little is his sister because it comes from their mom, but I tried to talk to her about it and I don't think she wanted to hear it or be burdened by both of their dysfunction anymore.  So I stuck trying to get my parent's to understand and they couldn't; so I am on my own here and I am starting to accept it is just me and all of you.