BPD Mom

[KEnsign27]

I've read a few of the posts on here and I feel like others are living my life and lived my childhood.

It has not been easy having a mother who I feel has BPD (she has never been diagnosed).  I'm 33 years old with twin girls who are 9 and all my life I have dealt with my mothers out burst, her putting her drinking, drugs and men before my sister and I, her lieing, manipulation and just down right nastiness toward everyone.  I have finally had enough this year when I've realized she just cannot control herself and I cannot take the chance of her having any outburst toward my children.  

Just a few of the different episodes my sister and I have dealt with:  She got in a huge fight with my sister over a minor incident and told my sister that she hated her as much as she hates my sisters fiance.  My sister is getting married in June of this year and my mom told her she would not come to this wedding because it's not going to work out anyways so she will come to the next wedding my sister has.  I've been told that I'm a terrible mother and that I don't deserve my children and that my ex-husband should take them from me and never allow me to see them again.  My sister and I have both been called a ~, ass hole, btch, selfish btch, idiot, that we are no good, to never call her, that we allow rapist and abusers to be around our children and that we are going to allow others to poision our children.  She uses EVERYTHING she has ever done for us against us (even stuff she has done for us when we were children)and tells everyone that we have used her to the max and she is no longer going to allow us to use her.  

I feel like I've just had enough and I've no longer have any contact with her which is some way is great but in other ways makes me feel quilty because I'm supposed to love her because she is my mother.  Its been an emotional roller coaster and Im not sure when its going to end

[GeekyGirl]

Hi KEnsign27, 

No question you've been through a lot, so it only makes sense that you'd be angry and frustrated with your mother's behavior. I can relate to that "roller coaster" feeling--I know it quite well. As children of parents with BPD, we've been conditioned our entire lives to put our feelings aside for our parents'.

You mentioned that your mother doesn't have a lot of self-control. How has her behavior impacted your daughters? Do they seem to understand that their grandmother's behavior is unusual?

Hang in there. You've found a place where many of us understand what you're going through.

[KEnsign27]

Fortunately my girls have had limited contact with my mother in the past few years and that's only because life has been so hectic with all of their activities, school and with me sharing custody with their dad.  So it doesn't seem to affect them that much. Honestly they really don't ask to see her and to me that's kind of sad.  My one daughter  did tell me that when she would stay with my mom she would yell a lot at her Papa  (which is my mom's ex boyfriend) so I know they have exposed to her outbursts.  I do think my girls understand that grandma has some problems.  I've told them both that grandma loves them very much but she has some issues that she needs to work out in her life right now.

My mom just recently told my sister that my moms ex had raped her and that she is just sickened that we would allow this rapist to be around our children and that it hurts her that she can't be in the kids life to keep her grandchildren safe.  

I know you are supposed to love and respect your mother but at this point in my life I don't respect her and sometimes I wonder if I even love her (I know that's terrible and it breaks my heart to say that).