she's in and she's out

[twojaybirds]

Well my emotional vacation was put on hold.

Let's see in the last 7 days she has

"claimed to have od'ed

broke up with her boyfriend (multiple times)

made it back to college after extending her vacation by a week

met with the counselor at school and lined up appts through the end of school in 3 weeks

counselor got a hold of her psych here

secured a summer job

secured a place to live this summer (I haveno idea where that was)

started all her finals

put in withdrawal papers at school not finishing her finals or last three weeks

lost the place she was staying this summer

threatened me with a restraining order

asked if I would store her stuff at my house

I am fine through it all knowing I have no idea what to expect next. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[suchsadness]

Wow twojaybirds  - what a whirlwind, and how exhausting that must be.  I think you need a   

[jellibeans]

oh my! that is the whole kitchen and more! The restraining order was the cherry for me... .  at time I wish I could get one of those for my dd15!

To say she is deregulated would be an understatement... .  what to do? Give her some space and see what happens? It is her life and even though she seems to be struggling I don't think there is anything you can do... .  is there? and maybe you shouldn't.

ARe you going to store her stuff? What would you like to see happen? So sorry you have been going through so much... .  I am sure alot of us can relate to the constant change of plans... .  that is exhausting... .  sending a hug your way... .  try to stay positive... .  have faith she will find her way... .    

[pessim-optimist]

Wow, twojay!

Truly, what a whirlwind!   

So, what are the things that you absolutely have to deal with before you can resume your vacation?

[twojaybirds]

Good question pessi-o.

Well last night that wind kept blowing.

She had withdrawn totaly from school and was on a bus back home.  Her ex-boyfriend was in their apartment and she wanted me to call him and kick him out  (HUH?)  THen she  called the cops on him to meet her at the apartment and next started pressing me to buy her a car on a payment plan (REALLY)

I turned my phone off yet low and behold on fb this morning her posts from later last night were all about being in the dorm cramming for her finals.

So the vacation is back on because she has probably been fine all along; most likely tired and frustrated, but fine.  SHe's just doing her thing I guess.

[pessim-optimist]

So the vacation is back on because she has probably been fine all along; most likely tired and frustrated, but fine.  SHe's just doing her thing I guess.

   

[lbjnltx]

Another time of crisis has passed... .  for now, real or imagined.

What skills are you willing to use or learn to keep yourself from being sucked into the drama next time?

[twojaybirds]

You know lbj I have some fairly strong coping skills

When dd is in this negative roller-coaster ride I:

never return a phone call where she has not left a message

I pick up her calls sparingly, sometimes days, when it seems things might be settling 

I never pick up when she is doing the crazy 15 calls an hour with no messages

I read her fb page just to see the differences in what she is texting me and what she is posting... .  it's a reminder that all is not usually true and the crisis is mostly  internal/fabricated

I affirm her decision  (sounds like you made up your mind to quit school and have completed those steps already with the registra.  Good for you for making up your mind.)   Of course none of that was true... . she was still in school preparing for finals.

I keep the ringer off my phone and my work phone ringer is loud enough for me to hear to  check the sender but not so loud that if it is her it is disturbing if it rings multiple times.

This time was the first time I called her wolf and called the police to pick her up since she had said she had OD'ed.  She was livid at me but I was calm and told her I only did it cause I loved her and if she had ODed I had to call the cops

I laugh in relief when she is on to the next stage... .  

Now she is hapy with life actually and al the drugs/exboyfriend/apartment/flunking school has passed.  In fact she just asked me to knit a little item for a friend having a baby... . which I will gladly  do... .  

Phew... .  

[sheba1366]

Don't you just love the ups and downs? Not!

My daughter, after her boyfriend kicked her out of his house and we moved her back in our home while she went into the Psych. hospital... .  then threatened to call 911 if I touched her things.

Crazy world we live in no doubt.

Vacation Time!

[Being Mindful]

Hey twojaybirds,

Those are good coping skills. Were you able to use validation, SET, or your value based boundaries?

Being Mindful

[twojaybirds]

I do validate her emotions and feelings until she asks me to stop (usually with anger)  then I apologize and affirm that I was just letting her know that I was listening to how she was feeling.

I do support her with out providing her the means nor enabling

I provide empathy using Love and Logic... .  Boy that's too bad that happened.   or I remeber when I was sttod up.  I cried all night.  Things like that.

I give her truth but reminding her that she is smart and agreat problem solver and wil be able to figure this out.  I usually ask her is she would like a suggestion or an idea from me.  The response is most always no.   When the crisis is resolved and she tells me about it I then reiterate  "I knew you coudl do it .  You are so good at solving problems."

I keep my values seperate from hers yet sometimes remind her about her older beliefs if I think she can handle it.  Depending upon her mood if she is taking about going to the club or hookah lounge I might say  "rememebr when you were in elementry school and said you would never smoke.   In a good mood she has laughed and replied with "Yeah those days are gone."

SOrry but my spell checked disappeared an dmy lunch break is over... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Being Mindful]

Fantastic uses twojaybirds!