I hate roller coasters...

[Foreverhopefull]

Right now, he is in a major slump. :'( He's very depressed, really nasty with himself (verbally right now, which is a blessing in a way), he's not sleeping well or much, started drinking again and he's also menacing of stopping the medication that is keeping his cancer cells and cirrhosis dormant "so he can feel as much physical pain as he is having mentally and to get the ball rolling in his death plan... .  without needing my permission."(he told his T that he wouldn't kill himself until I give him permission to do it)"

He's talking about getting himself locked up at rehab or hospital, I'm trying to convince him not to wait till he meets his T but rather talk to his psychiatrist tomorrow (but he doesn't really connect with him), especially since he's psychiatrist is the head of the department of mental health in our region (the hospital would open a bed for him in a matter of minutes).

I'm working really hard not to get engulfed in his mood, while staying supportive. I'm doing great in front of him, but truthfully I'm freaking out. I'm not sleeping, or rather I slept in the stairs again last night keeping a watch on him (after he fell asleep, I stayed in the stairs for a while to make sure he was really sleeping and I fell asleep for about 2hrs) and I'm just worried for him.

I really hate these periods.I really hate roller coasters.

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[briefcase]

Sounds like a rough time.   

Try to take good care of yourself when he's down like this.  I think you are on the right track trying to get him in sooner rather than later.  I hope he calls his psychiatrist soon.

[Foreverhopefull]

Last night was better. He still wants to die as soon as possible and with the most pain possible for him, but he was better ( I swear anyone else reading this would think I'm crazy to say it was better).

He called me to tell me I was not to change my plans for the weekend, that this was all on him not me. He told me he has confirmed his appointment for today with the psychiatrist and talked to his psychologist.

He was better, actually happy to see me come home and actually made an effort to look happy ( after almost 20 years, I knew he was faking it but I still appreciated it). We had a great talk and he mentioned that he had gotten the approval to up one of his medication to make sure he was sleeping well tonight. For the first time this week, he was still sleeping when I left.