Anyway to stop a smear campaign?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm getting smeared. I don't know the details. But I know!

How can we stop it once they have split black?

[Undone123]

I'm getting smeared. I don't know the details. But I know!

How can we stop it once they have split black?

[WalrusGumboot]

Running behind them trying to set the record straight can sometimes make you look more guilty.

I can only draw from my experience with my exBPDw. She made sure she ran to our mutual friends first to make me out to be the bad guy. In the end, my friendships with the most important ones were retained, and she lost them. This is because they know. People are a lot more observant of our character than what we give them credit for. They knew she was blowing smoke.

What I suggest is to make a list of the most important relationships in your life that you are sure she has smeared you to. Then at some point, contact them to say hello and let them know what's going on without smearing her back. You will be surprised how many will just start talking to you about it, and you will get your chance to defend yourself.

Two wrong don't make a right. Take the high road and you will come out better.

[delgato]

Dank, sorry to hear that.

How do you know?


Sometimes I wonder if I have been or am being smeared. What, when, to whom, etc. I think she does it to people who she had been involved with, but in a fairly minimally/low-key way... .  or at least from what I gathered.


Walrus makes some good points. Don't get caught up in it -- they want the drama escalated. If they don't get reactions from you, hopefully they'll just get bored & move on.

I think a lot depends on the seriousness of smearing. Those involved with a scorned pwBPD can, at times, get raked through the coals pretty hard, depending on the situation & people. In those cases, you must absolutely protect yourself, possibly with the assistance of a lawyer, for example.


If it's just "lower-level" stuff, I wouldn't be all that worried. You could lose some friendships, perhaps temporarily, but if they believe & side with the pwBPD, then perhaps they weren't truly your friends in the 1st place.

Over time, people can recognize certain things about the pwBPD, and will take things they say with a very large grain of salt. And in the end, oftentimes it just bites the pwBPD in the @ss.

[Undone123]

well luckily we have no mutual friends really - But I believe its to her friends and family. Which I can cope with. She threatened me with the police when I was trying to reconcile... .  

But I tried making contact with my old brother in law and that was ignored. Her mother stopped talking to me, and she sent a smear email to my mother... .  

I just want it to be over, but I want her back... .  I didn't know about the BPD really until post break up, when I did some research and it all made sense.

I've been split black bad... .  any chance of a return from that?

[egribkb]

Constantly having to defend yourself (from a smear) is exhausting and does nothing except make you look bad. The only real option is to check out. Unless you have kids together then No Contact is the rule. That means her and her support network/family also. It's not your fight anymore. Be thankful you got away.

[delgato]

I've been split black bad... .  any chance of a return from that?

I had been split black for 5 years.

Unfortunately, she had come back into my life again (hired by my employer at the time; otherwise, I don't think we'd had ever seen each other again). I was then painted white. And we did the BPD dance a 2nd time.

I'm now black again, LOL.

No more for me again, thanks. I'm done with that.


Black, white, who cares... .  Re-read the rest of your post. Why would you want to get involved with that again?

[Undone123]

I can't help thinking its an illness, and that now I know about the BPD things would be different... .  

I can get that eggshells book, moderate my behavior, and live happily ever after haha!

[free and happy]

I am going through what I was hoping would be a simple departure but the smear campaign is full on. So far she has managed to convince even my own attorney that I am a drug addict and a danger to my kids so she controls visitation to 2 hours every other sunday. I am seeking a new attorney at the moment since mine has currently handicaped my case. I would like to just check out but we have kids. All I ever asked for was every other weekend and the ex can't even agree to that.

[Undone123]

Wow see its stories like that that make me think I am lucky... .  

Tough going man

[Bananas]

I don't think you can stop it, it's awful.

I am dreading tomorrow.  I work with my BPDex.  He has managed to charm the skirt off our boss, she thinks he is God.  I just found out I have to go to a meeting tomorrow just me, him and her.  I can only hope he makes a fool out of himself.


I feel like I am going to vomit.