This feels like a bad dream/nightmare sometimes

[LosingIt2]

One month from now will be the one year mark of when my exBPDgf moved out of our place. There have been many ups and downs since then. We broke up, got back together, broke up again, and now have been 2.5 months NC.

Anyway, I actually helped her move out into her new place with her mother and brother (dumb move I know). We finished moving and they went out to buy things for her apartment... .  I wasn't invited. I remember walking into our old place, where I still lived, she took the bed and most of the decor. I broke down. It was one of the worst days I can remember having. Since I was dealing with a pwBPD, it felt like my whole world just got turned upside down and I felt lost. Since then a lot has happened. I live in another city, and she's been out of my life for 2.5 months. It's a short amount of time, but my time spent with her feels like a different life all together. I remember feeling like that day was the beginning of the end. It's been one long bad dream. Struggling to make sense out of it right now.

[findingmyselfagain]

Losing it2, my experience with the pwBPD could only be described as SURREAL. Just a few weeks in we were already naming children and planning a wedding. I thought it was the fairy tale falling in love story. She came on very, very strong. But like many things borderline, it was too good to be true. Looking back only confuses me and saddens me b/c things seemed to be going well until our wedding shower and then she was suddenly gone! I remember feeling like I was in a movie sometimes. Something about it didn't seem real. It's been almost 3 years for me since the official b/u, and almost a year of NC. Have you found a T yet?

[Lady31]

I can relate.  I have filed for divorce and am currently moving out of our house.  When you start coming out of the FOG it feels weird/scary/surreal. 

This whole "reality" I had with my H was not real.  All the time being sick over his crazy outbursts, mood swings & abuse- threats of divorce constantly... .  I didn't know what I was up against.

Hard to believe they are someone else entirely. 

[LosingIt2]

findingmyself,

I have a T thankfully. Actually, I finally found a good one, and he's been helping me understand the insanity that is BPD. Surreal is a good way to put it. I might have to mention that.

Lady31, it's interesting that you say that. Is this feeling a good thing then? As in I might be coming out of the FOG? I hope so. I've never felt this disconnected from her. Your description of your marriage isn't a pretty picture. I try to tell myself that I'm lucky I got out of it when I did. I can only assume I would have become more entrapped and guilt-ridden... .  losing a sense of myself. Well, these are the things I try to tell myself.

[Lady31]

I know that unsettled, dazed, dream like feeling doesn't always FEEL good... .  but I think it IS good.  It's good when you start to see the truth & reality of the relationship and the person. 

I think it's what helped me to begin to get my life back, accept the truth and stop trying to make it something it wasn't.  It helped me to see why I felt so unhappy and crazy all the time.  There was a REASON! 

And though it is sad, it helped me to begin to plan my life and in more healthy direction. One free from fear and abuse - and God willing - one with a man who will truly love me back.

One day at a time.