Games People Play... Your Thoughts or Experiences

[Depression = 72% of members]

All... .  

As my dBPDw and I end our marriage, detachment continues to be one of my daily tasks.  But since the she moved into what I call the Mega or Turbo Charged Hater phase and filed... .  her raging and normal detailed lectures of all my faults, problems that I caused, etc., have all but stopped.  With the silent treatment from my wife that was always part of the dance after an atomic explosion... .  the permanent silent treatment is the norm but little strange things have presented... .  one I wanted to get thoughts... .  comments... .  been there done that input on from all of you.

I get home after my wife and by then she has migrated to her bedroom and closed the door.  But lately, when I come home she has stacked the very full trash bag right in front of the door that I have to reach in before I open the door to move so I can open the door and enter.

Upon entry I move the trash bag to the side of the door to take it out later... .  go change my clothes... .  get a bottle water... .  and the other night turned on the tv in the living room to watch some Stanley Cup playoff hockey.

Just after I sat down she came out of the bedroom, I was watching the game when she stood ther and stated in a contempt filled queston... .  "Are you just going to leave the trash in front of the door or are you going to take it out to the trash can in the garage?"  I told her I would take it out after the hockey game was over and she rolled her eyes and went back to her bedrrom.  10 minutel later she went to the garage got in her car and left.  20 minutes or so later se came back with a bag of groceries from the local store and as she walked into the house, comment... .  "Are you ever going to take the garbage out like I asked you earlier?"... .  know that she had just walked by the bag and could of very easily picked it up as she had to go past the trash can to get to her car and exit the garage.

I told her again, in a very calm voice that I would for sure take the it out... .  now after the 2nd period ended vs. the end of the game since I was about done with my bottled water and would add my empty bottle to the bag before I would take it out.

Went back to watcheing the game and heard the slamming of the door of her bedroom as she she went down the hall and entered.

Is this the behavior that is still feeding her need for continutation of being able to control, be angry and find the bad... .  that versus her past normal dosage may not be filling her levels of all this junk when we in and at the previous anger/rage full blown state?

Such a little thing to waste so much negative emotion and poision on... .  it never seems to end... .  has anyone seen this little stuff occur as replacement negativity that used to be injected in large dosage?

mrrlk

[NewWays]

All... .  

As my dBPDw and I end our marriage, detachment continues to be one of my daily tasks.  But since the she moved into what I call the Mega or Turbo Charged Hater phase and filed... .  her raging and normal detailed lectures of all my faults, problems that I caused, etc., have all but stopped.  With the silent treatment from my wife that was always part of the dance after an atomic explosion... .  the permanent silent treatment is the norm but little strange things have presented... .  one I wanted to get thoughts... .  comments... .  been there done that input on from all of you.

I get home after my wife and by then she has migrated to her bedroom and closed the door.  But lately, when I come home she has stacked the very full trash bag right in front of the door that I have to reach in before I open the door to move so I can open the door and enter.

Upon entry I move the trash bag to the side of the door to take it out later... .  go change my clothes... .  get a bottle water... .  and the other night turned on the tv in the living room to watch some Stanley Cup playoff hockey.

Just after I sat down she came out of the bedroom, I was watching the game when she stood ther and stated in a contempt filled queston... .  "Are you just going to leave the trash in front of the door or are you going to take it out to the trash can in the garage?"  I told her I would take it out after the hockey game was over and she rolled her eyes and went back to her bedrrom.  10 minutel later she went to the garage got in her car and left.  20 minutes or so later se came back with a bag of groceries from the local store and as she walked into the house, comment... .  "Are you ever going to take the garbage out like I asked you earlier?"... .  know that she had just walked by the bag and could of very easily picked it up as she had to go past the trash can to get to her car and exit the garage.

I told her again, in a very calm voice that I would for sure take the it out... .  now after the 2nd period ended vs. the end of the game since I was about done with my bottled water and would add my empty bottle to the bag before I would take it out.

Went back to watcheing the game and heard the slamming of the door of her bedroom as she she went down the hall and entered.

Is this the behavior that is still feeding her need for continutation of being able to control, be angry and find the bad... .  that versus her past normal dosage may not be filling her levels of all this junk when we in and at the previous anger/rage full blown state?

Such a little thing to waste so much negative emotion and poision on... .  it never seems to end... .  has anyone seen this little stuff occur as replacement negativity that used to be injected in large dosage?

mrrlk

[MaybeSo]

This stuff goes on in r/s's all the time, even without BPD.

Usually the issue is small and seemingly inconsequential  but imbued with a lot of

symbolic meaning on some level.

Eg. If he takes out the trash promptly or when I first ask (or without having to ask) it represents care or respect for my feelings... .  if he doesn't, it represents the opposite.

Player two imbued their own weighted meaning to the transaction, also... .  if she wont drop this, it shows XYZ... .  I'll do it when I'm ready, not when asked... .  , (respect, etc.)

She could stop making a big deal out of it by dropping it... .  and aguably, in the game... . ,the

other Player could stop making a big deal out of it, too.

It takes two to play.

[LoveNotWar]

Maybe she is just looking for some attention? And the drama might really feed a need in her... .  not saying it's healthy or you should give her attention... .  just saying.

[Rose Tiger]

wife: full of emotion, wants to get rid of it, but how?  This is all subconsious.  Oh that trash is bugging me.  I want it out.  Why won't he do it?  Feelings become facts.  The trash and you not taking it out is why she is soo upset.

You:  calm voice, I'll get to it, no worries.

If you were playing the game, you'd get upset too.  Start yelling about the trash.  Take on her angst for her.

Think about if you too were filled with angst and she starts working on you.  You might kick that bag, spew trash all over and yell, you take it out, you witch.  My gut says this is what she was after, sweet release from the angst by handing it over to you.

[Rose Tiger]

Oh, want to add.  If you want to keep the peace, validation is key.  When people are upset, they can come down a notch with being listened to and validated.

wife:  are you going to take that out?

you:  I noticed you put the trash by the door, it looks like it's really bugging you that's it's in the house... .  

wife:  well yes, it has stinky chicken bones and the smell is giving me a headache.

you:  oh wow, that's not good if it's making you feel sick.  (take it out)

Her angst goes down a notch.  But if you are not in the mood to be emotional care taker, I do not blame you a bit!

[marbleloser]

She's baiting you into an argument and at the same time trying to assert her control over you and paint you as someone who does nothing to help around the house.

This re-enforces her perception of who you are and that she's doing the right thing.

Do you have a digital recorder? If so,keep it on you and running 24/7 while you're with her.

I wouldn't doubt her having one and if she does,she's going to continue to bait you into arguing.Then she can play victim/abuse card and have you removed from the home.

Just something to think about.